What is the limit of your tolerance for your partner?

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that1weirdgrrrl
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09 Feb 2021, 8:36 pm

I know this will vary by individual, and probably by the couple as well....

When you are in a relationship (mutually agreed upon by all involved parties), and the other person starts to test your boundaries (violating your expectations/trust, or initiating cheating sorts of behaviors, etc....) where exactly do you draw the line?

At what point do you say "I'm done" and leave?

How much does the bad have to outweigh the good? How many times do you forgive? Or how many times do they get to screw up? How many times can you genuinely reconcile? How frequently can you request reassurances before it becomes "needy" or "clingy"?


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Whale_Tuune
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10 Feb 2021, 11:49 am

I draw it at cheating, definitely. I don't tend to give second chances. I will be friends with an ex, but I won't take 'em back if they cheated.

I also draw it at sexual coercion, and I will not be friends with someone who tried that.


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mohsart
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10 Feb 2021, 12:35 pm

In theory cheating.
In practice I've tolerated cheating, getting pregnant through cheating, lying about it, and more.

/Mats


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NogginHeadFace
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12 Feb 2021, 6:04 pm

I don't think these kinds of questions can be answered properly. Romance and love make people do weird things that they would not do otherwise, and so to ask a question of how someone would act in such a scenario, while they are on the outside of the scenario looking in, I think is not getting a good view into how people will act in those situations.


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IsabellaLinton
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12 Feb 2021, 7:57 pm

It's not about how much you trust your partner.

The key to relationships is that you need to trust yourself.

Trust yourself to identify your boundaries, trust yourself to express them clearly to your partner, and trust yourself to leave when / if your boundaries have been crossed, with no looking back.

It's much harder to trust ourselves than others.


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nick007
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13 Feb 2021, 1:32 am

My 1st girlfriend had problems with drugs & alcohol & I did NOT like her hanging out with the guy she got drugs from cuz he had taken sexual advantage of her in the past by giving her drugs. She still hung out with him occasionally & I had BAD anxiety & BAD OCD that caused me to get thoughts stuck in my head & freak out worrying about her which caused me to become very controlling as a result. My anxiety & OCD are fairly well treated by meds nowadays & I'm a lot more relaxed about things than I was but I would NOT want to be in a similar situation again. It would NOT be good for either of us. However if I was already involved with girl when that behavior started, I would try to help how I could & history would very likely repeat itself :cry:


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DuckHairback
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13 Feb 2021, 7:05 am

What everyone else plus you have to factor in how much you've already invested in the relationship. For example, someone cheating a few weeks into the relationship it's going to be easier to drop that person and move on (not to diminish it, it's still painful, but doubtless easier). After a matter of years you're more inclined to consider what's going on with that person, or the relationship, that this thing has happened before you give up on it. And when someone's been an integral part of your life for a decade or more, you might well find yourself forgiving an isolated infidelity. These things can be moved past.


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CollegeGirlAnon
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14 Feb 2021, 8:07 pm

I varies so much depending on the person.


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15 Feb 2021, 10:55 pm

I have lots of limits, but overall if we have incompatible life goals I rip the band-aid off. I know I'll be severely depressed for a long time after, but I can't deal with complications and if things aren't going well for reasons unknown disaster always seems to follow soon after.
If, however, there is some semblance of practical compatibility there are heaps of annoyances I'll tolerate and various inventive ways to cope. Perhaps thankfully that really hasn't materialized