is anyone else an obsessive lover?

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I find that anytime im in a relationship and fall in love, I become completely obsessed with the other person and begin to circle my entire existence around them. I also become very jealous of anyone they give attention to besides myself :/it drives me absolutely insane. I dont know how to love someone without acting like an extremely clingy excessive stalker lol.
Is anyone else like this?

This is all I’ve ever known in a partner, not realising how unhealthy it was, in spite of the damage it did. Just to clarify, this is how they treated me, not how I treated them. Now, I’m free to love and live my life much more healthily. How you feel shows the depth of your feelings for your lover, but it will strengthen your relationship to allow more freedom for both of you with others, friendships etc. No good can come from wanting to keep your loved one to yourself only. Both of you can have a stronger relationship from trusting one another and allowing each other to have friendships with others. Jealousy might well be part of human emotion, but you need to have faith in yourself, that what you can give is the ultimate to the person you’re with.

If your sense of self worth is low, this will be difficult for you. I hope that as time goes on, you realise it all comes down to trusting in the strength of your relationship itself. If it means that much to you, you’ll recognise the importance of loosening the binds ... the old “set them free ... let them fly ... if they come back ... they are yours” kind of thing... X

Last edited by Juliette on 21 Mar 2021, 4:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It’s just not healthy to be obsessed with one person, to the exclusion of all other people.

One loses perspective that way. Things can become very unpleasant under an obsessive sort of mindset. One can lose a sense of what’s real in an objective sense.

I would want my lover to love me BEST—but also to love others.

I'm exactly like this, when I fall I fall hard. I believe the term is called limerence.

Yes. It can be very exciting and to have someone want you and like/love you is an amazing feeling so initially I used to be that way. Though being out of a relationship for some time and having no friends etc I potentially could see myself ending up being that way again. I couldn't help but call my partner every lunch break at work and wanted to know all about her day etc.. But! I did learn that spending too much time with eachother and talking every break / most chances I could taught me that sometimes this can have a negative effect on a relationship because of running out of things to talk about on days off, weekends and stuff.. so spending too much time being obsessive / spending every free minute together caused nit picking and sometimes arguments. Speaking from my perspective anyhow. :Scratch:

Dani.

I screwed up my two previous relationships partly by being too obsessed. Part of the reason being obsessed caused problems is because I was acting very needy, demanding, & controlling. That behavior is a lot better in my current relationship for various reasons. When I screwed my 2nd relationship up I realized that my BAD anxiety & BAD OCD played a part in that so I researched treatments & got on a med for my anxiety & a med for my OCD which are helping my anxiety & OCD a lot. Another problem was that my 1st two relationships were long distance. My current one started as long distance but I moved in with her about half a year later. It also helps that she's kinda needy & clingy herself cuz of her various issues. I think someone like that is a much better partner for me than someone who likes having a lot of space & alone time within a relationship. In general I like having my space & alone time & am kinda an extreme loner but I'm the opposite with my romantic partners.

Yep.

No, but I obsess over whether or not I should trust / love people. Once I fall in love, it's forever.

^ Mhmm.

I forgot to comment on the jealousy part. I do have behaviors within my romantic relationships that can appear to be jealousy but they are actually not due to me being jelly. I am very protective of the women I love & I'd be OK with her having guy friends if the guys are good people. For example if a woman were to talk about her bf having an issue with her having a guy friend lots would assume that the bf is jelly. However I had problems with my 1st girlfriend having a specific guy friend because he had taken advantage of her sexually by giving her drugs & I was worried about her getting used & hurt. I'll add that my romantic partner is always my special interest. I'm the same as Isabella in that 1ce I fall in love it is forever. I still love both my exes but I accept that those bridges have been burned & we are better off not in each other's lives. I moved on with my life & they are no longer my special interests but I never stopped loving them.

Ding ding ding, same same here. Well, for my crushes, anyways. Never been a mutually reciprocated thing so never been in a relationship. Oh well, I have other things to do. Can't say I dislike the feeling when it happens, though.. it's a fun ride.

I had an obsessive crush on someone in college. I tried my best to keep it a secret.

Limerence can be a very intense roller-coaster ride at least for me anyways but the limerence evolved into much deeper than that. I felt the limerence thing with both my exes & it only went away when the relationships ended but I still majorly love them & always will. I've been experiencing limerence with my current girlfriend since shortly after our relationship began which is like 9 years now. It's a little smoother roller-coaster ride than it was in the beginning but it would probably still fall under the limerence term as well as love & obsession. I've only really experienced one crush thou & that was with a celeb that's been going on for like 11 years now. The crush did go away when I got my 2nd relationship but came rite back when that relationship ended & it went away again for like the 1st year of my current relationship but came back after a while. There's not much I can do about it other than learning to live with it & trying to accept that it's not going away.