Another dream revelation...

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Her name was Linda, and she used to walk down from Lloc to my native village of an evening (quite a hike) to hang out with us. I thought her the most gorgeous creature I’d ever encountered. Better yet, she had a wicked sense of humour which made her doubly attractive. Up till then, in my teens, I’d got on well enough with most of the girls I knew, but apart from sex, I felt no need for their company. Linda was the first I really wanted to get to know, and to spend time with.

Alas, for all the attention I could get from her, I might as well have been the invisible man; each time I tried to talk to her, she’d put me off by looking right past me as if I wasn’t there. After a few evenings of this I gave up any hope of getting anywhere with her and stopped trying. Later, she poured a can of cola over my head, prompting me to keep an even greater distance between us.

Some evenings later, out of the blue, she changed tack and asked me to walk her home! I had no idea what to make of it; I was convinced by then that she detested me, so no though of a possible kiss and cuddle entered my head. It didn’t seem she was in any danger; it was a walk she’d made by herself many times, so I declined, and that’s where it effectively ended; other than a few greetings in passing, we never talked again.

When I hit an seeming impasse when playing Sudoku, going around the grid every which way, without progress, I often get to the point when I just “know” what one of the numbers is, and it almost always turns out to be right (I expect some of you have had similar experiences?) though I haven’t, at the conscious level, any notion of how I got here. Since the dream, I now have that same gut feeling; that I was the reason Linda made those visits, and that she was just as interested in me as I was in her.

I suppose a friendly smile would be too much to hope for, but if she’d just treated me like she did the other lads? We went home in the same direction, so it would have been the most natural thing for us to walk and talk together, but it never happened because of the games she played (and again, I haven’t the foggiest notion of what she expected of me). What should have been a beautiful coming together of kindred spirits came to nothing, because she just had to play hard to get! Why is it so important?

Why did you decline to walk her?

I have had similar where if a girl plays hard to get with me I will give up, and when she then decides to make herself known I will not bother because to me her playing hard to get seems too much like she is not interested, and the signs are too confusing when she shows interest. (I assume someone has put her up to it as a prank).

I also have issues with not always knowing when women flirt with me whichis strange as I am a perfectly logical intelligent person. Yet often my Mum has asked me why I did not respone to a lady flirting with me when I didn't know. (My Mum says things like "Come on. She couldn't have made it more obvious!" I just assume it was someone being friendly!)

Your lack of playfullness and insight may be your downfall. Women generally will want you to “just know” as the majority of men “just know. From what I’ve seen, some autistic men can be even better at NT men in detecting what a woman needs and wants from him. Basically, it helps hugely to be assertive, but in such a way, to make her feel secure, wanted and protected. She needs to feel as though she can count on you to be who she needs you to be. Good luck with THAT !

As stated, I was convinced she hated me, so there was no motive to put myself out for her.

Brave Juliette (not one woman responded to my « Dreams of Totty » thread!) a major problem was that I didn’t know body language even existed back then (and even when I read about it in Desmond Morris’s books, it seemed to be little more than a party trick).

I’m a lot better at it now (but still disinclined to use if) and looking back, I can recall how those girls who’d told me to bugger off and leave them alone, went through phases; they’d glance at me in apparent anticipation at first, but then become puzzled, and finished up angry (yes angry, because I‘d taken them seriously; a guy can’t win!). That info just wasn’t available to me in my teens; all I had was the spoken word.

Be assertive, with someone who, at first, didn’t even acknowledge my existence? You’ve lost me there.

Yes, there are some Autistics who are exceptionally good at reading other people (my Dad was one; he got into everyone’s good books, but never even mention this stuff to me) but they are very rare. The rest of us are disadvantagged given how body language is so central to how women interact with others.

It’s a difficult area. I’ve had the opposite problem where women thought I was flirting with them, when I was just being friendly and helpful.

If you were truly compatible and she had autistic traits too, then my guess is that she played it naturally and you broke the rules with your attempts at talking to her.

In regards to body language there is no sense in learning that in order to get into a relationship. That's because if you are compatible then you will share communication too, and if you need to play NT then you are not compatible.

A strange post, but it’s interesting that you bring up the possibility she had autistic traits; my dream seemed to tell me the same thing. There was no obvious sign of this at the time, but then, I’d not yet encountered the subject. If she was strong in both the Autistic segment, and the Manic, it would fit the bill.

You did WHAT? You declined an obvious invitation from one of the most beautiful women who ever lived?

How could you sir! How could you!

Obvious to whom? I'm pretty sure I've explained why it wasn't obvious to me.

Therein lies the problem