Dating a virgin for the first time.

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29 Oct 2021, 2:06 am

Is focused on her career the real reason though? Lots of women who are focused on their career will still take a night off to go out and get laid if they want to. It just doesn't seem believable that that's the reason, or it seems way too simplified.

Nades
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29 Oct 2021, 2:39 am

AquaineBay wrote:

Okay guys let me give you the gist of what he is asking. He is wondering if a woman who's career fell through, and has not had a date or relationship all the way up into her 30s is a red flag.

The funny thing is, if this was a man society would say "yes" in a heartbeat and then deem him a "loser". Whether you(the people advising him) would think so or not really isn't much because you are 1 person out of 7,000,000,000 people on the planet. I personally wouldn't think it a red flag(and I shouldn't because I am a 27 year old guy and have not dated or been in a relationship) this isn't about me though and in general across the world yes, most would consider that a red flag(even if they won't admit it) unless said person had religious reasons or some type of disability for not dating. Let me remind you all that she has not dated or had a relationship let alone doing the "deed" in all of this time. If someone considered that a red flag about me I wouldn't blame them because I know that things like this do matter to some degree.

Side note: The irony is that no one has denied the post I made about women judging men on these same merits. If we want a more "equal" dating world then we have to start holding women accountable for their actions just as we hold men accountable for their actions(whether it be "good" or "bad").

There are many reasons why people can be older virgins but without any disability or old trauma, a older virgin needs to be aware of the risks they face. It's not just being judged by society, there is also the personal development which could well be harmed which is what this thread is predicted on.

If I were to hide away from society by personal choice for my entire youth and suddenly want to start interacting with others but now find it overwhelming because of poorly developed social and coping skills it would be a self inflicted and society might judge me for making that decision which later harmed me.

Some people might effortlessly slot back onto society, some might not, but nonetheless the dangers are obvious and it's a roll of the dice as to how much or even if any harm is caused.

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29 Oct 2021, 2:42 am

ironpony wrote:

That's what she said. I asked her how she's got her kicks this entire time and she dodged the question a bit.

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29 Oct 2021, 6:33 am

Don’t push it.

She will tell you in good time.

Just enjoy the moment.

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29 Oct 2021, 6:40 am

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:

Taking an oversimplified approach sometimes helps me find answers within myself.

Do you like this girl?

Yes - continue hanging out and getting to know each other.

No - let her down as gently as you can and look for someone more compatible/interesting/fun.

Exactly

The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Oct 2021, 10:32 am

AquaineBay wrote:

Because…. people generally don’t think of men and women in the same way, and that’s a fact.

An over-30 healthy non-hideous virgin (or dateless) woman is most likely assumed to be virgin by choice.

While a healthy over-30 virgin man (or dateless) is most likely assumed to be virgin because he failed to attract anyone aka a loser, unless he’s utra religious.

The word “loser” is very rarely used on women, I don’t recall an instance of woman or man calling a woman loser.

But yes I do agree if the genders were reversed the tones of the responses would most likely be very different.

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29 Oct 2021, 10:46 am

I didn’t find a serious video asking guys the same question.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=tEuCa01iKZg

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29 Oct 2021, 12:11 pm

ironpony wrote:

Not everyone is into one night stands, so seems reasonable to me that is really the reason.

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29 Oct 2021, 12:18 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

ironpony wrote:

Not everyone is into one night stands, so seems reasonable to me that is really the reason.

I still think the ire in this thread comes from the assumption that the woman could have done the deed if she really wanted, therefore must be flawed for not being so horny she'd f**k anything available. She's not a bloke. That's not how a lot of women vibe.

I'm not slut shaming, I'm just saying women can often want to wait for the right person rather than be hung up on the sex aspect.

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29 Oct 2021, 1:59 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

ironpony wrote:

Not everyone is into one night stands, so seems reasonable to me that is really the reason.

It's the no-dating/no-relationship part which he's finding it more weird, not losing the virginity.

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29 Oct 2021, 2:04 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

ironpony wrote:

Not everyone is into one night stands, so seems reasonable to me that is really the reason.

It's the no-dating/no-relationship part which he's finding it more weird, not losing the virginity.

Even so. I've already explained that bit. It's not as easy as just going out and making yourself available. Someone has to find you attractive, yes even if you're a woman. And the woman wants to find them attractive too.

Sometimes you just don't get that connection with anyone. I've had a few almost, but not quite moments myself.

I still think she expected things to work the regular British way, nothing happened and now she's trying "dating".

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30 Oct 2021, 4:11 am

^ what’s the British way?

kraftiekortie
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30 Oct 2021, 4:34 am

Meeting people through mutual acquaintances.

hurtloam
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30 Oct 2021, 5:11 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

Meeting people through mutual acquaintances.

Hanging out in a group of friends and not confessing your attraction until your both too drunk to care about embarrassment. (I jest).

None of my family have used online dating apart from my cousin in America. One of my cousins married his next door neighbour. Most have just got together with friends or friends of friends.

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30 Oct 2021, 5:19 am

hurtloam wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

Meeting people through mutual acquaintances.

does seem interesting how even awkward people seem to have friends. I mean I don't have any friends, I have my boyfriend but he is a guy...I don't actually have female friends to talk about girl stuff with and sometimes that isn't great but well friends aren't just going to fall into my lap like fall leaves are they. I'd have to make an effort to make friends to get them.

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30 Oct 2021, 5:26 am

I only really have female friends these days and only get invited to girls only things, so it's impossible to meet blokes.

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