Give & take

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This is what relationships are about. You can't build a person from scratch, because you then erase their identity and they will be completely invalidated.

Work with what you already have & perhaps encourage (but never try to coerce) them into accentuating what you perceive as their best attributes.

For example, if they are a bit gothic - maybe ask them to wear black lipstick if they want to (but never expect them to) on a special occasion

If they are a red-head, you could ask them to wear some fire-hot red lipstick.

If they like Nintendo, maybe ask them to wear a Nintendo costume for your birthday. The ideas are endless really.

They will then you know you value them for who they are & not who you want them to be. Fundamentally, you should never ask someone to significantly change for you - if you do, you are invalidating them as a human being.

I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship with someone who tells me what to wear, even if it's on a theme I like.

This is curiously specific. What happened?

Oh, I'm not telling anyone what to wear. I'm just trying to explain how relationships work. I did say you can encourage people but never to expect something from them. I think that is a key point.

Also, this is hypothetical stuff. I can't be specific as I am trying to protect people's identities' here. Anonymity is a key value of mine, if I breach that then I don't have that value anymore.

Last edited by blitzkrieg on 16 Dec 2021, 5:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If you try things out, even if they are out of your comfort zone - you explore a new avenue for yourself and make yourself more flexible in doing so. It's not just for the other person. If you remain a static person forever, you'll just end up bitter that people try to change the slightest thing about you which will have the effect of isolation.

Also, another person will become more willing to fulfill your fantasies and change themselves if you are willing to do so. It's a two-way street. You can't have a real relationship if you are 100% in control.