Got dumped……

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Almost a couple weeks ago I started talking to a girl who swiped right on me on the Facebook dating extension. Things accelerated pretty quickly. Her and her whole family has had COVID and I mean, severe COVID so I wouldn’t have been able to see her for another week or so from now. After talking to her last Wednesday night she stopped texting me, even leaving 2 messages I sent to her on read. Then I finally hear from her on Sunday morning. She tells me that she hasn’t been texting anyone. “I’ve mostly been sleeping which is why you haven’t heard from me. When I get the chance I will text you as soon as possible”.

Then tonight, she did in fact, text me again, saying that the more her and I talked, I was starting to “feel like another friend” to her.

“My mind kept telling me that because we had so much in common that I should instantly love you and not face the truth that we act more as friends than lovers”

I don’t really fully understand. Having things in common IS a good reason to date someone! If I failed to connect with someone I thought was so much like me, then how much more does it take to truly match with someone!?!

I get told by my parents that I do everything right. And there’s still nothing to show for it.

She is lying.

She either found someone hotter or she didn't find you attractive in the first place.

That is definitely dump-speak. Move on.

She is being kind as she does not want to hurt you but she does not want to be an item with you either.

Time to find someone else.

You’re doing the right things.

Don’t become an a**hole just to get women. The reason why I say this is that guys frequently believe they have to be a jerk in order to attract women.

I believe you will find someone eventually.

well, her not wanting to “be an item with me” kinda is hurting me.

It does hurt. Yes. It hearts ones emotions, but this is part of the parcel of dating. One may get hurt a few times before one finds the right one. The right one is the one where both parties feel the same way.
Dating is about finding if both parties feel the same way and it is why dating should not be rushed.

Keep dating different ladies and one will find the right one.

Dating should not involve sex because this is too deeply emotional to separate from. One is looking, not jumping in feet first which does not often work.

But dating is about enjoying each others company in the hope that both parties will work well together.

Dating is hoping it will work but protecting oneself just incase it doesn't.

I am with Mountain Goat on this one; it is time for you to move on and look for someone else.

This is not the time for wallowing in self-pity.

Like Face of Boo, I suspect that she found someone else she is more attracted to.

But there might also be another issue here: Different people have different ideas on what a romantic relationship even is, in the first place:

1) For some people, a romantic relationship is everything a close friendship is, plus more. Thus, a romantic relationship can grow from a friendship, if both people want this to happen. For people who think this way, friendship is certainly not a barrier to forming a romantic relationship.

2) Other people see a romantic relationship as being fundamentally different from a friendship, such that a friendship precludes a romantic relationship. These people seem to believe that romance should be something magical, almost other-worldly, whereas friendship is just too pedestrian.

It seems to me that people in category #1 are more likely to end up in stable relationships. People in category #1 aren't looking for magic; it's enough of a challenge just to find someone sufficiently compatible. On the other hand, it seems to me that people in category #2 are likely to end up getting bored with an otherwise perfectly good relationship.

Frankly, it seems to me that people in category #2 are too influenced by the movies, which are utterly unrealistic. (For one thing, the typical movie is only an hour and a half to two hours long, so there just isn't enough time to show a relationship develop in any reasonable way.)

I’ve been dumped a few times myself. It’s really a lousy feeling.

Opposites attract. Maybe she simply found you too similar to herself - people don't want to date themselves.. they want to date someone different that excites them. That's why people with very similar interests are often friends while opposites attract.

Also, it's possible that with her and her families' Covid experience that she had some thoughts about mortality and assessed her communications with you and decided that she didn't feel enough of a spark in her chats with you to want to spend her mortal time remaining with you. Brushes with death, even with potentially severe illness, will make people do things like that - decide what and who they really want in their life.. and if you didn't make the "sparks joy," list, then you got cut loose so she can move on and find someone that truly makes her feel like she's utilizing her time here on this planet to it's fullest potential.

edit:

At least you had your chats with her! Good experience, good practice. Good practice accepting someone else' polite rejection/friend zoning, too. Learn from it all and move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea and you'll land another on your line soon enough, and then perhaps another after that and after that and eventually you'll meet just the right one where attraction is mutual and things just fall into place like they were meant to be.

Yes and no. I get what you're saying, but the nuts and bolts of it are really truly that your reaction to her not wanting to be an item with you - your own thoughts about it are what's hurting you.

If you changed up your thoughts and perspective to "Well, I tried - and that counts for a lot! - but obviously she wasn't as into me as I was into her and that's Okay; she's not obligated to be attracted to me and obviously I wasn't the one for her and thus she wasn't the one for me.. so, I'll let her go to be free to find love and I'll do the same for myself, trying and trying again until I Do meet a girl that's right for me and me for her." (or something like that) Then you won't be so hurt about it.

OR you can dwell on things you can't change and drive yourself nuts. Honestly, that's not the way to go - imo - it's a waste of your life, time, and energy that could be put to better use picking your nose or making abstract art, getting some exercise, reading a book, listening to music OR chatting up other girls.

And one last thing to remind you of: Everyone wants what they can't have.. so the fact that she's not that into you naturally just drives you nuts and makes you wish it could have worked out even more. That's just human nature. But time truly does heal all and in time you'll get over her and you'll be attracted to someone else that things just might work out with - or not - rinse and repeat.

I read an interesting meme on facebook today that I think is relevant to this thread, read:

Same with me.

As a matter of fact, my most recent ex-GF dumped me without explaining herself and I haven't heard from her since. She was not the type who would "cheat", so I don't know what went wrong between us.

Thankfully, my current relationship is well and strong!

@ OP: Just like anyone else who has said this already, keep yourself determined regarding love!

So, I talked to her for a bit yesterday. She’s able to leave the house now, which hurts me to think about bc what if she hadn’t had this change of heart that even she can’t explain?

However, she didn’t unfriend me on FB or whatever so I’ve been thinking: maybe I could win her back?

My advice is to just be her friend for a while.

I’m glad things are a little better for you.