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goldfish21
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07 Nov 2022, 3:32 pm

Got a text from his mom with less than 20mins to deadline that she heard from him.. he got the message about the available detox bed at one of the places he stays and was on his way there.

It's only a 9 minute drive from where he was, so hopefully someone there gave him a lift.

He didn't contact me at all, which kinda sucks, but whatever.. he got the relayed message just in time and made the decision to go to detox. 8)

Two polarities in play that motivated him to do it:

1) Like he said a few times over when I last saw him.. he's at his Rock Bottom lowest of lows and the drugs are taking their toll, having adverse effects he doesn't like.

2) There are events and things in the near future that he'd like to attend if he can and he knows there's no way he's making it to a party or a concert if he's fkd up on serious drugs that completely rob him of his time & attention.


Hopefully he's successful with this 7 day detox and then gets on a short wait list for a treatment centre. In between he'll need to stay somewhere that's away from the various drug scenes so he doesn't relapse. He does have the option of his parents but is reluctant to live there for family drama reasons mostly - but time will tell, he may change his tune. I don't think his brother has space for him. One of his good friends Might, though. Regardless of where, he'll need somewhere safe to be for the time between detox and treatment. If it's a very short period I might be able to keep him where I live, and alternatively I offered to ask my uncle.. because if I showed up at my uncle's place in the middle of the night and told him he needed to do me a favour and keep this one safe for a week or two as if he were family, he'd do it just like he has for my cousins. So, there are options, and I hope he chooses one of them and sticks to it.. because going back to any of the places he stays puts him right back next to ridiculous temptations that are next to impossible to stay away from and why so many people with good intentions end up relapsing. Many/most of them don't have options of other places to stay... this one does, and a small team of family/friends willing to move mountains to help him succeed. Time will tell if this time sticks, but no matter what it's a step in the right direction.


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blazingstar
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07 Nov 2022, 9:53 pm

Holding him in the light.


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goldfish21
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08 Nov 2022, 2:55 am

blazingstar wrote:
Holding him in the light.

:heart: Thank you. :)

Me, too.

I'm not super big on religion, but he'll def be in my thoughts & ~prayers as I send good healing vibes in his general direction during this difficult time I know he's going through.

Detoxing from hardcore drugs has got to be incredibly difficult, even with some pharmaceutical substitutes to taper off of dependency. The drugs these days aren't what they used to be.. they're literally 50-100x more potent than their predecessors 20 years ago, so the grip they have on people is just that much stronger.. as well as the withdrawals that people keep using to avoid.

So even when people have had enough of it & truly want to change, it's Very VERY difficult to do.. and thus good vibe thoughts & intentions like above are much appreciated, even from afar. 8)


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09 Nov 2022, 9:04 am

Such great news!

May the strength of good wishes open his mind to a better life.

Many difficult days ahead. Be sure to take care of yourself in the process.

Wishing you both the best outcome.



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09 Nov 2022, 9:08 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Recent new friend over the last 4-5 months. After discussing mutual attraction, we made out a few weeks back and then hooked up on new years. I'm not exactly his main type ((female) which is fine, we like what we like) But, it was incredibly hot - I think for both of us - and he's said they see a fwb thing between us moving forward. (which I'm okay with) But Of Course (despite red flags of life choices/circumstances - mostly drug use habits that need to be kicked again; which is why they're in a detox/rehab place to get clean right now) I find myself thinking it'd be nice to be with him.. naturally, of course, because everyone wants what they can't have lol. Of course, of course! lol it's always the way - just thought I'd share. In the meantime, even as friends with sexual benefits I'm truly solidly good with that - and if seldom or never sexual again, I'm Also good with that. He has his issues, but really truly is a good soul and someone I can see remaining friends with no matter what. 8)

Not really sure what the point of this one is. Not really asking for advice here - I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna carry on as is when he's back from his drying out staycation and then IF things stay exactly the same and we hookup here and there, sweet. If things change and get more serious despite him saying fwb, then I might just roll with that, and if they get less sexual and we're just friends that hangout or have each other's backs when needed - okay, cool. I'm basically not going to force any particular agenda and just go with the flow and enjoy having a new friend + whatever else does or doesn't come along with it. Guess I'm more just sharing to share, put my thoughts on it out there, share that I too have odd relationship dynamics and difficulties. Feel free to comment - or not. :)


So are you gay or bi?

I don't tend to read other people's posts, other than my own. I was just assuming everyone was straight by default.



goldfish21
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09 Nov 2022, 12:45 pm

QFT wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Recent new friend over the last 4-5 months. After discussing mutual attraction, we made out a few weeks back and then hooked up on new years. I'm not exactly his main type ((female) which is fine, we like what we like) But, it was incredibly hot - I think for both of us - and he's said they see a fwb thing between us moving forward. (which I'm okay with) But Of Course (despite red flags of life choices/circumstances - mostly drug use habits that need to be kicked again; which is why they're in a detox/rehab place to get clean right now) I find myself thinking it'd be nice to be with him.. naturally, of course, because everyone wants what they can't have lol. Of course, of course! lol it's always the way - just thought I'd share. In the meantime, even as friends with sexual benefits I'm truly solidly good with that - and if seldom or never sexual again, I'm Also good with that. He has his issues, but really truly is a good soul and someone I can see remaining friends with no matter what. 8)

Not really sure what the point of this one is. Not really asking for advice here - I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna carry on as is when he's back from his drying out staycation and then IF things stay exactly the same and we hookup here and there, sweet. If things change and get more serious despite him saying fwb, then I might just roll with that, and if they get less sexual and we're just friends that hangout or have each other's backs when needed - okay, cool. I'm basically not going to force any particular agenda and just go with the flow and enjoy having a new friend + whatever else does or doesn't come along with it. Guess I'm more just sharing to share, put my thoughts on it out there, share that I too have odd relationship dynamics and difficulties. Feel free to comment - or not. :)


So are you gay or bi?

I don't tend to read other people's posts, other than my own. I was just assuming everyone was straight by default.


Gay, but I've been with a handful of women. Sexuality is not so black and white all the time. Neither is gender. Hence the variations & fluctuations in the person I've been seeing. While not Indigenous, they quite like the "2 spirit," label to describe their gender/sexuality. Personally, from various statements they've made, I think they're a bit fluid in a few things and sort of change depending on the day/mood/hormones etc.


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goldfish21
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14 Nov 2022, 11:22 am

Texted his mom to see if it was a 7 day detox and maybe I hear from him today. She lmk he got discharged last night and is at their place sleeping a lot. No plans for treatment yet; focusing on mental health first.

Sleep, nutrition, water etc for sure. Maybe docs & meds I dunno.

I’m glad to hear he trusts his parents and has reconnected with his mom. Needs it rn. :)


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19 Nov 2022, 12:54 am

Really positive progress! One day at at time.



goldfish21
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19 Nov 2022, 2:13 am

beady wrote:
Really positive progress! One day at at time.

Got word that he relapsed and left this early evening. Back to drugs for now.


It’s an extremely difficult thing to get away from even when you want to do it. I’m told it takes a full month to detox from these drugs, yet they only keep people in a detox centre for 7 days.. so they’re still experiencing serious withdrawal symptoms & intense cravings.

Guess I’ll wait til I hear from him next. I’ll start leaving weekly phone messages at the last place he stayed again so he gets a reminder to call me.


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goldfish21
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21 Nov 2022, 10:30 am

Haven't heard from him. My guess is it might be weeks if he's just gone back to drugs I dunno.

Texted his mom to see if they were open to discussing next steps the next time he reaches out as it'll likely be to me or his brother. His parents are very worn out dealing with him at the moment, so maybe too soon to get together to talk.

Obvs can't do the exact same thing again and expect different results. I dunno if there's another detox place that has a longer duration - that would be ideal. Apparently it takes a full month to detox these drugs, but they kick people out after 7 days.. so of course they're going through serious withdrawals and cravings and are at risk of relapse.

Besides a longer official detox, I think it'd be wise to have a plan in place not to leave him alone at all - 24/7 watch. If his family & friends are willing, between us all we can keep watch somewhere with his consent going into it knowing that someone will be with him around the clock to prevent him from impulsively taking off. Something like that might give things a better chance of success. It takes people 8+ attempts to quit smoking cigarettes and that's EASY in comparison to this, soooo, patience & persistence -> I hope he's willing to try again soon.


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21 Nov 2022, 4:32 pm

'Of Course' would make a great title for a romantic comedy.

Thankfully my 'Of Course' is not on drugs (and never was) and I'm in contact with her regularly now.

I get the urge to tell you to find someone else reading this thread, but I know how it is, you don't want to.



beady
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22 Nov 2022, 8:23 am

Sorry to hear he relapsed.

Isn’t there a second stage kind of place? It can be too much to expect his family to keep providing that care.



goldfish21
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22 Nov 2022, 1:18 pm

beady wrote:
Sorry to hear he relapsed.

Isn’t there a second stage kind of place? It can be too much to expect his family to keep providing that care.


There are, but there are wait lists for everything.. so people are either with family/friends or on their own to stay sober in between availability at detox & a treatment centre.


When he's ready to reach out again it'll either be to me or his younger brother most likely, maaaybe his friend but I doubt it. Then we'll take it from there and make a new plan. All we can do.


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goldfish21
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12 Dec 2022, 11:29 pm

Missed a couple calls from unknown numbers when I was working where there’s very low cell reception.

Called one back and it was the customer service line of a BC Ferries terminal on Vancouver Island. Someone was calling to get me to pay for their ticket. Customer service lady said that another passenger paid for his ticket and he was on the 5:45 ferry.

So, I drove to the ferry terminal he was heading to and waited by the arrivals where all foot passengers pass through. Seems like everyone has disembarked 10 mins or so ago but haven’t seen him. Either he fell asleep on the ferry and hasn’t been kicked off yet, or whoever bought him a ticket offered to drive him into town and he left the ferry in a car.

Since I’m already here I’m gonna stick around and wait a little longer - make sure he wasn’t still on the ferry and just lagging behind. That’s possible.. it is a 2 hour ferry trip and he does have a habit of passing out after staying up for far too long/getting high. But at this point I’m thinking it’s more likely he hitched a ride and rode off the ferry in someone’s car.


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13 Dec 2022, 12:01 am

Imagine if someone cared about ME like that :)



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13 Dec 2022, 2:06 am

:) Left a message at one of the only places he stays and checks messages so who knows maybe he’ll even go there tonight and get the message.


I wandered around the little 2 street village before I left just in case he was still nearby. Nope.

Some homeless man from Toronto was trying to get a free ride from a bus driver who had given him a ride earlier in the evening. I drove him back to Vancouver where he was able to get a room in an SRO hotel or shelter. Figured he was in the right place at the right time and it made the drive there & back feel like it was more worth the time & fuel than if I’d just hit the highway straight home.


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