Page 2 of 5 [ 75 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

blazingstar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2017
Age: 68
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,759

29 Jun 2022, 12:46 pm

I hear you, goldfish.

I don't have any answers, but I get it.

Good luck to both of you. I hope he is okay too.


_________________
The rivers flow not past, but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing. – John Muir


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,355
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

06 Jul 2022, 11:46 am

Heard from him yesterday.

He ended up not feeling well due to cold/allergies (I knew he wasn't feeling well the day before our last chat) and sold his phone to pay for cold meds. Other phones were stolen - I do believe he sold this one, And from his tone and story an regretting making the impulsive decision to sell that cheap phone I do believe him when he says he sold it in the moment to pay for some meds and feel better. Goofball should have texted/called me and I'd have delivered cold/allergy meds - heck, the ones he bought I keep in my bag/car.

He also ran into a childhood friend and spent a few days crashing at his place. I do believe that, but I do wonder if it was a few days of getting high as a kite. I did ask him about sobriety and he said he's been doing good and Not getting high at every opportunity as he's just gone through detox and is trying to get into treatment. I told him I hope that's what he's doing, not for my sake, but for his own life/goals etc - mostly - but also selfishly for me so that our hangouts can be about some fun outing to the beach or for a hike/bike ride, not talking about cycles of addiction, withdrawals, detox, treatment etc and he's agreed each time. He's not stupid, he knows what he needs to do and Wants to do it for himself - and I'll continue to support him in whatever healthy ways I can.

He's not sure if he had a cold or allergies exactly (or even covid) so we agreed we should wait at least another few days before hanging out just to make sure I don't catch anything from him. (My father is extremely high risk for covid/any illness) We've tentatively agreed to keep in touch and meet up to go for dinner and movie sometime next week - and now I have the phone number for where he's staying.. so, unless he gets into a treatment place instantly and has no communication, we'll hangout sometime next week. Hard to explain exactly.. but his positive energy is just so uplifting despite his struggles so chatting with him on the phone or meeting up for dinner or whatever is just.. Good. 8)


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 85,200
Location: Queens, NYC

06 Jul 2022, 11:56 am

Just be careful with this guy.

Anybody who has to sell a phone to get cold medicine is not in good shape at all.

From necessity, he might be looking at some of your stuff to sell. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. It means he’s a desperate guy.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,355
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

06 Jul 2022, 12:00 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Just be careful with this guy.

Anybody who has to sell a phone to get cold medicine is not in good shape at all.

From necessity, he might be looking at some of your stuff to sell. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. It means he’s a desperate guy.


Noted, but we're good on that front. The only thing he once took from me without asking was a beer that I'd have given him anyways. I called him out on it and told him I'd give it to him; but always ask. He knows not to steal from me, and to be as honest about everything as possible vs. bs me about not getting high etc. We have a good thing going and he's not about to ruin it stealing some petty little item - especially since he knows I'd probably just Give him whatever the thing was if he truly Needed it.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


blazingstar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2017
Age: 68
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,759

06 Jul 2022, 12:01 pm

Hard to explain exactly.. but his positive energy is just so uplifting despite his struggles so chatting with him on the phone or meeting up for dinner or whatever is just.. Good. 8)

I get it. Again, I wish both of you the best.

Is it a risk? Sure. But I think goldfish has enough self-preservation skills to protect himself.


_________________
The rivers flow not past, but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing. – John Muir


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 85,200
Location: Queens, NYC

06 Jul 2022, 12:08 pm

Drugs have a way of causing people to violate agreements which are inviolate to them sober.

Addiction is something which often transcends morals. People with otherwise high moral values are immoral in the face of the pangs of drug withdrawal.

An addict usually has every intention of being a decent person—but the pangs of withdrawal overtakes even the strongest person.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,355
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

06 Jul 2022, 12:12 pm

blazingstar wrote:
Hard to explain exactly.. but his positive energy is just so uplifting despite his struggles so chatting with him on the phone or meeting up for dinner or whatever is just.. Good. 8)

I get it. Again, I wish both of you the best.

Is it a risk? Sure. But I think goldfish has enough self-preservation skills to protect himself.

100% I do.

The last time I saw him, a few days before his birthday in early June, I offered to buy food/toiletries etc so he had some things to go to detox. Being an addict, he spent over 2 hours trying to persuade me to lend him cash. Then Also made an attempt to get me to buy items he could flip for cash - which I called him out on and squashed that whole thing instantly. He knows damned well that he only tried to do that because he was in active addiction and really wanted to get high one last night before detox, but, I can handle myself and said, "Nope. Not happening on my dime."

I'm no millionaire, but I do have considerable savings. If I did lose a small amount of money or some inexpensive replaceable thing it wouldn't be a big deal financially - it'd be more of a heartbreaker than anything to be stolen from by a friend you've been so kind as to help out in some of their darkest moments. I highly doubt that will ever happen, though.. even at his worst he never stole from me or my house; he's respectful, appreciative of our friendship, and smart enough to know not to bite the hand that feeds.

He did tell me that years ago he used to steal things as a teenager - I believe that - but doesn't do things like that now, especially since he doesn't like having his own few possessions stolen. People do learn.



I know that on paper/in writing it seems like "Wtf? Of all the people in the world Why are you attracted to this one as a FWB?" I know :lol: it defies logic in some senses.. but, it is what it is and he's a good soul that's Also super cute.. and when we have connected on a more.. physical level - it's been incredibly smoking hot every time.. sooo, there's that.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,355
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

06 Jul 2022, 12:15 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Drugs have a way of causing people to violate agreements which are inviolate to them sober.

Addiction is something which often transcends morals. People with otherwise high moral values are immoral in the face of the pangs of drug withdrawal.

An addict usually has every intention of being a decent person—but the pangs of withdrawal overtakes even the strongest person.

Yep, I know.

Worst of his behaviour is saying he's going to pay me back some small amount of money lent and then doesn't. I call him out on it, he knows he owes me a bit of money, he knows he's dropped the ball on repayment agreements etc and we both know it's because he's using drugs.

We Also both know he's ~80-90% more sober today than when I met him and is motivated to continue making improvements and that all of that will make him more reliable when it comes to time and money. I can accept these things and absorb the wait time/and or total financial loss if I never have the money returned to me.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,355
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

06 Jul 2022, 12:26 pm

It might seem to some here that I'm being scammed for $, but that's not the case. The $ I've lent I can afford to lend and wait for.

He's also a smart & educated person about all this stuff - only a class or two short of a certificate in social work, and his mother has a Master's degree in social work. So, having conversations about detox/sobriety progress & next right moves are always good and productive. He doesn't just pay lip service and then go f off to get loaded. He's been very good about following through and making positive moves in the right direction each time he slips and we meet up and talk progress. And no, he doesn't just tell me what I want to hear to then get a few dollars out of me - especially not true since I don't always pay for things or lend money. We do have a very sincere and genuine friendship going that's coming up on a full year in a month or so, and he expressed to me first that he sees being lifelong friends with me - can just feel it kind of thing. And I've told him I'm on board for that - as he's one of few friends I've really clicked with and truly enjoy being around. It's a 2 way reciprocal friendship that just works, despite our very different circumstances.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,355
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

08 Jul 2022, 11:22 am

Talked to him a couple days ago. He was going to call me yesterday afternoon then meet up - still no cell phone rn so can't call/text with ease. Ofc, no call yesterday. I left a message where he's staying just after the time he was gonna call, then another in the early evening as I was in a low cell reception area. Still no call.

Irritating. I mean, I get that life happens and maybe something comes up, but 3x in just over a week where he agrees to call and meet up to hangout and then ghosts me ? Jerk. Next time I hear from him I'm calling him out on that BS and telling him I feel disrespected to not so much as get a call to cancel - well, for the 2nd two times, the 1st he did call to cancel as he wasn't feeling well and that's fine.

Like wtf? Who does that to their friend? Agrees to get together then just ghosts.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,247
Location: Cardiff, Wales

08 Jul 2022, 4:32 pm

Seems like a bad but addictive relationship.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,355
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

08 Jul 2022, 7:22 pm

klanka wrote:
Seems like a bad but addictive relationship.

:heart: :heart: :heart: :lol:


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 85,200
Location: Queens, NYC

08 Jul 2022, 9:55 pm

I hope love truly isn’t blind in this instance.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,355
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

08 Jul 2022, 11:52 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I hope love truly isn’t blind in this instance.


How do you mean ?


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 85,200
Location: Queens, NYC

09 Jul 2022, 10:45 am

That your ardor for him doesn’t interfere with an objective analysis of his actions, especially pertaining to his addictions.

It might seem that he has no bad intentions….but your ardor might interfere with seeing certain signs of his intentions.

I’ve had “love is blind” sorts of situations.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,355
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

09 Jul 2022, 11:44 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
That your ardor for him doesn’t interfere with an objective analysis of his actions, especially pertaining to his addictions.

It might seem that he has no bad intentions….but your ardor might interfere with seeing certain signs of his intentions.

I’ve had “love is blind” sorts of situations.


Aaaah - thank you for being specific in your elaboration. Well communicated.

Nah, I'm not concerned about that.

When he was in active addiction the night before trying to get into detox a month or so back he did try to pull some bs and get me to buy items that would be easily sold for cash. I called him out on it, refused, and only bought some food/toiletry essentials he actually needed. Stuck to my guns and refused to loan him any more cash than the bit he already owes me. He knows I won't give him cash for f**k all now, And that it's healthier for him and his goals anyways.

That's the one and only time, due to serious addiction, that he tried to pull some bs and I wasn't having it. Other times in the past I Did loan him cash that I knew was likely for drugs - but he knows I won't at all now, Because he's on the road to recovery and I'm not going to enable him to mess that up.

He knows I'll support him in healthy ways with things he needs, advice/guidance/resources etc but I won't be taken advantage of financially or enable him to slip back down the slippery slope of addiction. Not sure if any of that affects his following through with meeting up with me or not - he's been terrible with time keeping and following through on commitments to phone/message/meet etc.. a bit better with increased sobriety, but still terrible. No idea if he got distracted by some side quest/shiny thing, or if there was an opportunity to go get high for days, or if he picked up a couple days work and decided to earn a few more dollars, or caught a cold ?? Won't know until I hear from him again - and when I do I'll call him out for making a commitment to call me ~2pm Thursday and then ghosting and see what he has to say about it.

But you're also correct in your assessment that I most certainly do have a major crush on him, which could lead to stupid things. He realizes I'm more into him than he is into me, But, if he's not into dating me then he's not into dating me and we'll remain friends. IF he truly wanted to take advantage of me financially, it'd be a pretty simple move.. he'd simply decide to date me just to see what he could get me to pay for. But he's not like that. He's honest, genuine, and sincere about the status of his friendship/fwb with me and isn't the type to get into a relationship for ulterior motives like money. I like that he's like that - so any friendship/fwb stuff we do have is real and is what it is, not some false front scam sort of thing. Obvi I much prefer being the friends we are vs. being in a "relationship," that isn't real and only serves to hurt me both emotionally and financially. What we do have is nice tho.. and occasionally Very Hot, like 11-12/10 every time hot. Soooo, that can continue. :mrgreen:


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.