Why do I want a boyfriend so badly?

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I want a boyfriend so badly. I don't know why, even though I'm still in high school. The problem is that I can't find the guy who is "my type". I've crushed on many guys but they aren't right for me. One of my friends has a boyfriend, and she already had a boyfriend. The problem is that some guys in my class are afraid of me. I don't know why. Is it wrong for me to want a boyfriend?

No, it's perfectly normal to want a partner and even more so at that age.

Lots of people might not be suitable but I feel like at that age our brains aren't as picky about how appropriate someone is. I'm sure you'll meet someone who's suitable and crush-inspiring but it doesn't always happen when one would like it to.

Because you're human.......

Nothing wrong with wanting a boyfriend, but too much focus on trying to get one can be counter-productive. I don't know if it's still true (in today's youth culture) that boys get scared away by girls who are too eager, but I suspect it is.

So, I would suggest that you stop focusing so much on wanting a boyfriend. Do you have any other interests/hobbies?

Also, do you have any friends?

I ask because one problem a lot of autistic people have is that a lot of us never managed to have any (non-romantic) friends before puberty. So then, when puberty hits, many of suddenly want romantic relationships, but without yet having had any experience of non-romantic friendship. This is a problem, because romantic relationships require more social skills than non-romantic relationships do. So, trying to have a romantic relationship before you've had any friends at all is like trying to understand calculus before you've had algebra.

Do you have this problem?

If so, I would suggest that you focus more on trying to find (non-romantic, non-erotic) friends who share your interests/hobbies. Maybe even try to start a club devoted to some hobby of yours.

How old are you? May I send you a PM regarding love?

I had similar problems when I was your age.

Try a nerdy guy. They tend to care more vs jocks. TBH I dunno what kids are like these days.

@ OP: I did have crushes on many girls with one for the entirety of the four years of hell.
However, the majority of them saw me as a "creep" or a "weirdo" in a similar way boys at your HS view you as you describe in the post. I tried explaining to such girls about me being on the spectrum at one point during my sophomore year, but it came out awkward. I did this after a classmate came out as transgender which I saw as an opportunity to try and get my peers to take me seriously, but it didn't happen.

Have you spoken to your parents about love?
What have they said if you have tried to talk to them about your feelings about love?

She did mention friends in the very OP.

At your age, prioritizing a boyfriend over earning a high school diploma is probably not a good idea.

Why do you want a boyfriend at all?  Is it because your friend has a boyfriend and you feel less of a person/woman than her?  Is it because all of the popular girls have boyfriends?  Is it because having a boyfriend will prove something to yourself and/or your parents?

Be honest with yourself.

A combination of human nature and society promoting the idea of love.


It's human nature to want a relationship because... well if it wasn't, none of us would be alive. If nobody had the hots for each other, then humanity would probably die out pretty quick. So most humans (unless you're asexual and aromantic) are hard-wired to seek out love, sex, and companionship. The sex hormones you start to produce in your teenage years make it to where you can make babies, but they also make the opposite sex appear more attractive and your urge to find someone to do "co-ed yoga sessions" with becomes a lot more active.


Secondly, society can also be partial to blame. It's fairly well known that society can be a big influence on what trendy words we say, what sports we watch, what religion we believe in, and even how we approach love. For instance, if you grew up in a society that promotes the idea of getting married and having kids young, you're much more likely to follow suit. So it would make sense that if you grew up in a society that promotes love, you're more likely to be influenced by that. If "everyone else" around you are finding partners, and all the songs on the radio and the TV shows are talking about their love partners, then you're likely to want to find love as well. And if you don't find love, it makes you feel like you're missing out. You say to yourself, everyone else is getting into a relationship or losing their virginity, why not me?

I'm dealing with my 16yr old stalking her crush at school since October last year. Since coming back to school he's been aggressive toward her and it's been real hard for her to deal with rejection,

Part of the problem is online friends told her to pursue her crush. The dude (who's Korean) is a bit of a prick (I met him at school birthday parties) but what can you do. He's also a kid.

Yes, I do. I daydream about it too much. I don't know why.

Sir Fnord does have a point. Completing your education is more important than finding yourself a BF.

It is not wrong, and don't think it is wrong for even a minute.

Yep she did. Oops! Missed that somehow.

To skrish234: It's good you do have friends, at least. I still think it might be a good idea to seek out more friends who share specific interests of yours, rather than seeking a boyfriend.

I also agree with Fnord that your top priority should be your academic studies.

I'll just tell you what I wished I had done at your age.....

focus primarily on your education, at least through university level.

Forge friendships, learn new skills, take up new hobbies.

Learn what you like, and what you dont like. Your goal is figuring out who you are.

Date many different guys casually (if given the opportunity). Don't be in a hurry to enter a steady relationship. And dont be in a hurry to jump into sex (this may be an unpopular opinion, but sex clouds your judgement, and you need a clear head when learning the ropes).

If you have a chance to casually date a few different guys, it will give you a baseline understanding of what healthy normal behavior from a love interest should look like.

Many people (myself included) jump into exclusivity too fast and if the relationship turns unhealthy, we can't see it and stay in bad relationships, because we lack that baseline understanding of how a healthy person treats their love interest.

If you can develop this baseline knowledge of how decent men ought to act when you're young, it will make it easier to recognize deviations (unhealthy behavior) and not get too attached to an unhealthy person who will make you miserable when you are older.

Anyway, this is the sort of experience I wished I had been willing to explore when I was younger. Take it for whatever it is worth to you in your specific situation.

I wish you all the best