I keep crushing on fictional characters

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02 Jan 2023, 9:14 am

What you are saying makes sense but I don't know if sex is an option right now because of my situation and the fact that my boyfriend is 3 hours away

I would need to somehow break away from being my mom's caregiver first before sex and marriage can become possible

Unfortunately since she had a stroke it's not going to be easy!

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Nades
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02 Jan 2023, 9:52 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

Regardless, marriage should take a lot more thought than sex I would say.

You'll need to see if you can make other arrangements with your mother. You're life will get nowhere if you're living it with the sole purpose of making sure everyone else's needs are met before yours.

It's a tricky situation but one that I think has come to a head. You're 30 and need to start thinking about yourself now.

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02 Jan 2023, 12:11 pm

That's really the only choice but creating a Contingency Care Plan is impossible because my mom is stubborn and wants to "age-in-place"

I don't know what to do!

Maybe you can help give me suggestions on how to cut all ties with my mom AND ensure she is well-cared for?

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02 Jan 2023, 12:22 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

I've honestly got no idea on how to deal with her. You might have to be brutal and cut her off and do a moonlight flit provided you know you can cope without the support nets in the area you live now. It'll be better to sort out support for her beforehand though.

You'll end up finding yourself a real life 40 year old virgin if you don't make some difficult decisions now. Your mother isn't a hill for you to die on.

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02 Jan 2023, 1:58 pm

Oh and I have decided I WILL share my dreams but I will need a while to write it out since it's basically glorified fan fiction

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02 Jan 2023, 2:04 pm

Nades wrote:

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

The only choice is to force her into Assisted Living but I'm not her Power of Attorney and can't legally do it

What must happen then is we have to wait for a major health crisis to occur where my mom is sent to the ER and they evaluate her and FINALLY decide to remove her from home

It's the only way!

Wait a minute...

Perhaps I can designate someone as my mom's POA and from there they can decide to forcibly remove her from her current environment?

I believe that is the solution

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02 Jan 2023, 2:19 pm

Oh and are you suggesting I run away in order to be on my own?

I have thought about it but I don't know if I want to risk losing all my possessions just to get away from my mom

And believe me when I say I absolutely want to get away from her ASAP because her constant negativity is bringing me and my brother down!

Honestly, the Autism is a BIG part of my problem and the main reason I still live at home

If I was a NT I would have been able to move out at 18 and possibly be married by now without having to be tethered to my mom

My situation is comparable to kids' network Nickelodeon and their tethering to cartoon SpongeBob SquarePants because in both cases our problems could have easily been avoided had I moved out earlier before my dad died and my mom had the stroke and they found SpongeBob's true successor earlier in the show's life-cycle!

The root of our issues is complacency

I have become complacent with living at home instead of becoming independant because it's easier and requires no effort

Nick has become complacent with milking SpongeBob instead of creating new hit cartoons because it's easier and requires no effort

This enmeshment MUST end and I have to be the one to put an end to it!

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04 Jan 2023, 4:17 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

I wouldn't run away but preplan your move out first to make sure it's plausible.

I wouldn't focus on marriage just yet though untill you suss each other out properly. I would find it off-putting being asked to marry so soon at my age.

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05 Jan 2023, 5:29 am

I WILL be leaving home eventually it's just a matter of when my mom is forced into Assisted Living

And I will make sure I get to know my boyfriend first (and possibly have sex) before we even consider marriage!

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05 Jan 2023, 8:58 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

With all due respect, unless you can tell us a bit more about this fellow e.g. age, living situation, means of support, etc. I for one might have trouble believing he's not also a fictional character.

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05 Jan 2023, 9:02 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

Why not just incorporate a love interest into your life as it is now? If someone is meant to be with you, they will love you as you and your brother are. Is there a reason why you cannot?
I know a lot of folks who are caregivers for parents and who also have meaningful marriages and relationships concurrently.

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05 Jan 2023, 3:52 pm

MaxE wrote:

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

He's 40 and lives 3 hours away

I met him through our family friend and we started as pen pals then became boyfriend and girlfriend

He is absolutely NOT a fictional character

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05 Jan 2023, 3:55 pm

MissMary227 wrote:

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

I already have a love interest but I want to be alone with him and bringing him here is counter-productive to that

The only reason I haven't moved out yet is because of the Autism but I'm getting to the point of slowly untethering from my mom

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05 Jan 2023, 4:55 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

Well I can't be too sure that this guy will end up being my soul mate but I'm sure you will find someone eventually too

But I don't want to wait any longer to get married

I am 30 years old

And I'm tired of having to put up with my mom as her caretaker!

If you didn't have a guy rite now that you were interested in & sorta involved with, I would say there's some guys on this forum who might be interested in a relationship with a woman on the spectrum who was willing to rush into marriage or just moving in with him. It'll be a lot easier & cheaper than pursuing the mail-order bride route. I would have been very interested when I was single if I had my own place.

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05 Jan 2023, 5:40 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

MaxE wrote:

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

He's 40 and lives 3 hours away

I met him through our family friend and we started as pen pals then became boyfriend and girlfriend

He is absolutely NOT a fictional character

He's about ten years older than you?

I mean, not that age-gap romances aren't unheard of, but this existing with one such as yourself? Are you sure you're comfortable with this, Sara?

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05 Jan 2023, 6:38 pm

UncannyDanny wrote:

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

MaxE wrote:

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

He's 40 and lives 3 hours away

I met him through our family friend and we started as pen pals then became boyfriend and girlfriend

He is absolutely NOT a fictional character

He's about ten years older than you?

I mean, not that age-gap romances aren't unheard of, but this existing with one such as yourself? Are you sure you're comfortable with this, Sara?

There's been a bit of Aspie girls on this forum who have sucessful relationships with older men, so I wouldn't be concerned about the age difference unless they were actual problems within the relationship.

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