What Am I Even Supposed To Do To?

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Word.

Myself, I came here, asked questions, got answers, and returned 4 years later in a very different place in life.

I've said this to another member before. Whatever you want, you won't find it here, you're wasting your time.

I agree, though it would still be helpful to have one.





Fair question.

At this point, I'm feeling intense despair over my absence of a love life and I'm trying to find a way not to feel this way. I don't have many people to talk to about this, and it's really wreaking havoc on my emotional state and making me have unsavoury thoughts.




1. My grooming is good, but definitely want to lose weight.
2. Get fitter. Doubt I'll ever have the motivation to be athletic.
3. How?
4. I need reasons to believe that things will go positively.
5. It's not about comparing. It's about what I need to be invested in my own existence on this planet.

I highly doubt I'll be posting here about this in another 5 years.

Easy...once you fix point's 1-2 then your appearance improves, your self-esteem imroves and you can find it easier to land a job
Like a lot of young guys here you seem intelligent but just lack motivation to move on fixing things that require effort

Good! that's the spirit

I’ve been posting here 9 years. It’s not because I “need help.”

I post to merely “hang out” with people.

I hope TGI posts here 5 years from now saying he has a wife and a kid.

Small steps add up to a big change. Many people make the mistake of seeing these small steps individually as minor changes when the final sum is a lot greater than their parts.

A guy being seen as more attractive for having a car and job isn't a stereotype for no reason. Even a lot of men prefer women with cars and jobs, myself included.

Do you like cats?

Are there any cat cafes near you?

You can sit and have a coffee, play board games, and get to know some kitties.

Hint: Women go to cat cafes.

It's not like I haven't tried to improve those things in the past. I lost 40kg a few years back (though gained most back now). I got myself going to the gym at least once a week in 2015/2016. It never made a difference to my dating prospects. If the effort I made then was insufficient, and I'm going to be held to stupid high standards in order to be successful at dating, then I would rather just die than put in that much effort to maybe be successful.

Like I said before, I'm dealing with very difficult emotions surrounding my prolonged dating issues and the romantic void in my life, and those emotions are inhibiting my ability to be successful with things that require the effort you're talking about. I try to make progress in the rare moments that I have the emotional strength, but it's unsustainable while I'm dealing with the emotional turmoil I'm dealing with.

Even without the emotions I'm dealing with, the lifestyle changes you're suggesting are challenging to implement. With these emotions, they're downright impossible.

I do like cats. Never been to a cat cafe but I'm pretty sure there are some around.

It's something I'm open to trying. I'm not sure how to bridge the gap between myself and others in that environment though. I'm not confident that I'd be particularly outgoing.

I'm very outgoing in social situations. I open the exit door and go out.

I think the kitties would break the ice. I'd recommend going in and playing up your vulnerability a little by just loving on the cats and cuddling them. Women go goo-goo for that kinda thing. My daughter just said yesterday that she thinks men who dislike cats are usually misogynists (lol). She's all about men who like cats. That's what made me think of it.

Maybe you could offer to do a "Big Boy" Tik Tok video with them at the same time, lol.

Yep…..cats do “break the ice.”

Still feeling pretty mopey, but less so than when this was all fresh. I still feel just as hopeless though.

I have been looking at job sites but there hasn't been anything to get excited about.

I really need to find a therapist, but I'm having difficulty with that too, as I need to find someone who is going to understand what I'm going through enough to be able to help. I don't think any of my previous therapists really understood the crux of it, or if they did, they didn't know how to help.

My food and drink habits are horrible. My motivation is low to do most things. My lack of a love life makes me sad everyday, and I'm using weed daily now.

I don't think there's anything that can be done for me, and I certainly don't have it in me to see through any onerous undertakings while I'm so emotionally depleted.

I still don't see any way around the fact that the romantic void in my life needs to be addressed before I'm likely to be able to make progress in other areas of my life. I need to feel accepted in a romantic way and have something positive to focus on as it relates to dating, because what I'm dealing with in the absence of that is insurmountable.

This may sound like an odd question, but what is it about romance that appeals to you?

Positive experiences with romantic acceptance and intimacy come with feelings that are more pleasurable than anything else I could hope to experience. I'm not okay living in a world where I don't get to have that for myself, but everybody around me has it or has had it. I feel so ripped off and upset that I've had to miss out, and I don't see any possibility of having a life I care to live if this is going to continue to be the case.

The simple answer is that having romance would give me emotional sustenance in a way that nothing else can, and not being able to have a romantic partner and being someone who can't get a girlfriend torments me endlessly in various different ways, and leads me down paths of existential despair.

I would start trying to lose the pounds first. It's the first step you can make even without a job or girlfriend that will increase your odds of at least getting a girlfriend.