How To Get A Girlfriend If You're An Autistic Man
27 Jan 2023, 2:32 am
IsabellaLinton wrote:
It's not true for me.
I don't even look at people so I have no interest in their "looks".
How do looks help a relationship, exactly?
I don't even look at people so I have no interest in their "looks".
How do looks help a relationship, exactly?
Lets cut the crap, here.
Looks matter.
I hate to say this, but when people give advice about stuff, its like xy matters most.
Nope.
If looks don't matter then why dress nice or wear make up, or have a hair cut or .... whatever improves looks.
Even if person is not picky about looks, they simply are something you notice and are attracted like it or not.
I agree they are not the only thing that matter, but I am sure looking better would increase my chances through out life at least 10 fold.
If looks don't matter to people then marketing chiseled bodies and big breasted models in underwear or fashion magazine would not exist, as it would have no effect on people.
And since looks are the gateway to people seeing you attractive and thereby being able to be in relationship is the point.
Personality and humor matter, but most men have very little humor.
They don't go around practicing jokes, or improving their personality to be just the right kind of mature for a female.
You can certainly improve both humor and personality, but most men I know have certainly zero humor.
Few men I know have exceptional humor though and I bet women like it.
There is a reason Dad jokes are a thing. Meme on internet as well.
27 Jan 2023, 5:07 am
kraftiekortie wrote:
Many women happen to dig a “dad” body.
But someone who works out and looks good has a fairly clear advantage.
I think a lot of people on this forum make the mistake of thinking humans are a homogeneous group when it comes to dating when it's clearly not the case.
Anyone can get a partner, but the dating pool someone can play around with is much larger when you look attractive.
27 Jan 2023, 6:10 am
Highlander852456 wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
It's not true for me.
I don't even look at people so I have no interest in their "looks".
How do looks help a relationship, exactly?
I don't even look at people so I have no interest in their "looks".
How do looks help a relationship, exactly?
Lets cut the crap, here.
Looks matter.
I hate to say this, but when people give advice about stuff, its like xy matters most.
Nope.
If looks don't matter then why dress nice or wear make up, or have a hair cut or .... whatever improves looks.
Even if person is not picky about looks, they simply are something you notice and are attracted like it or not.
I agree they are not the only thing that matter, but I am sure looking better would increase my chances through out life at least 10 fold.
If looks don't matter to people then marketing chiseled bodies and big breasted models in underwear or fashion magazine would not exist, as it would have no effect on people.
And since looks are the gateway to people seeing you attractive and thereby being able to be in relationship is the point.
Personality and humor matter, but most men have very little humor.
They don't go around practicing jokes, or improving their personality to be just the right kind of mature for a female.
You can certainly improve both humor and personality, but most men I know have certainly zero humor.
Few men I know have exceptional humor though and I bet women like it.
There is a reason Dad jokes are a thing. Meme on internet as well.
Absolutely agree. I work in a heavily male orientated environment and the good looking men have considerably more dating opportunities than the less atrractive men.
It's almost pointless denying basic human instinct and sexual attraction
27 Jan 2023, 8:56 am
Nades wrote:
Highlander852456 wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
It's not true for me.
I don't even look at people so I have no interest in their "looks".
How do looks help a relationship, exactly?
I don't even look at people so I have no interest in their "looks".
How do looks help a relationship, exactly?
Lets cut the crap, here.
Looks matter.
I hate to say this, but when people give advice about stuff, its like xy matters most.
Nope.
If looks don't matter then why dress nice or wear make up, or have a hair cut or .... whatever improves looks.
Even if person is not picky about looks, they simply are something you notice and are attracted like it or not.
I agree they are not the only thing that matter, but I am sure looking better would increase my chances through out life at least 10 fold.
If looks don't matter to people then marketing chiseled bodies and big breasted models in underwear or fashion magazine would not exist, as it would have no effect on people.
And since looks are the gateway to people seeing you attractive and thereby being able to be in relationship is the point.
Personality and humor matter, but most men have very little humor.
They don't go around practicing jokes, or improving their personality to be just the right kind of mature for a female.
You can certainly improve both humor and personality, but most men I know have certainly zero humor.
Few men I know have exceptional humor though and I bet women like it.
There is a reason Dad jokes are a thing. Meme on internet as well.
Absolutely agree. I work in a heavily male orientated environment and the good looking men have considerably more dating opportunities than the less atrractive men.
It's almost pointless denying basic human instinct and sexual attraction
I totally agree. It's not fair but evolution didn't take fairness into account when programming us this way. It's survival of the fittest not survival of the most deserving.
27 Jan 2023, 9:19 am
I once sort of dated a woman who was so similar to me it was almost scary. Our personalities were a perfect match at the time, and that bond could likely have tied us together for a long time. However, I felt no sexual attraction to her so I backed out and switched to dating a woman who was much further from me personality-wise, but who I was very attracted to -- six years later we tied the knot.
You can't decide what you are and are not attracted to, and getting into a serious relationship with someone you aren't physically attracted to is probably one of the best ways there are to be miserable 10 years later.
27 Jan 2023, 9:32 am
The biggest problem with dating discussions on this site is that we seldom know what sort of appearance the people involved present (here I am addressing anything about the in-person "impression" one person makes on another). It seems clear that some people here are more attractive than others simply because they seem to be in or have had romantic relationships, either good or bad, regardless of gender, whereas others have never been in relationships despite a lifetime of trying.
In the NT world such things are a given. However, in the autistic community we are all supposed to be poster children and oblivious to "materialistic" considerations such as "looks". I am certain there are many people here who would be in relationships if they were to overlook "conventional" notions of physical attractiveness, but people simply can't do that. One could justifiably claim there are those who haven't dated because dating somebody "in their league" is tantamount to dating someone to whom they aren't attracted. But on WP we aren't supposed to acknowledge that. All this advice about "working on yourself" or "learning to love yourself before hoping to be loved" is valuable but won't solve anyone's problem if their problem is that they aren't attractive to those to whom they are attracted.
27 Jan 2023, 9:49 am
Looks are a HUGE advantage in dating.
There will be a higher percentage of people that will be willing to date you, the better looking you are. Not only that, but being physically and sexually attractive to a good majority of people means that it's easier to compensate for personality and behavioral flaws.
If you're an ugly autistic man, you are at a major disadvantage in the dating marketplace. Your only realistic options are to date other ugly girls, get a mail order bride, travel to a different country where the dating market is considerably easier (for example, The Philippines), or continue to shoot your shot with hot girls and hope you get extremely lucky and one of them will be willing to go out with you.
27 Jan 2023, 10:02 am
MaxE wrote:
The biggest problem with dating discussions on this site is that we seldom know what sort of appearance the people involved present (here I am addressing anything about the in-person "impression" one person makes on another). It seems clear that some people here are more attractive than others simply because they seem to be in or have had romantic relationships, either good or bad, regardless of gender, whereas others have never been in relationships despite a lifetime of trying.
This is spot on.
This is why you'll hear vastly different dating experiences within the autistic community. On one side, some people on the spectrum will talk about how they've had many romantic and sexual partners and that dating isn't much of an issue for them. And on the opposite end, some people with autism become incels.
27 Jan 2023, 10:07 am
Muse933277 wrote:
Let's get one thing out of the way, autism is a serious disadvantage in the dating market for guys. BUT, that doesn't mean that it's impossible to find a girlfriend, get laid, or find any sort of romantic experience. Below, I would like to explain a few ways in how autistic men can get a girlfriend.
When it comes to dating, there are various ways one can go about trying to a find a relationship. For example, some people opt to go the online dating route, while other individuals may prefer the real life approach. The trick to dating is to find a method that plays to your strengths and minimizes your weaknesses. For example, a man with really good looks BUT is introverted and awkward would likely benefit from the online dating approach since online dating is 95% looks, and because talking through a screen is easier for introverted and awkward people. On the opposite end of the spectrum, someone who is physically below average but is very funny and outgoing would likely do better with meeting women in real life instead where he can win a woman over through his charisma and charm.
The majority of autistic men are not naturally charming or particularly socially intelligent, which means they need to find a way to compensate for these disadvantages should they wish to succeed in the dating market. For some men on the spectrum, this is through being very conventionally attractive. In fact, the better looking you are, the easier it is to compensate for personality/social flaws. An autistic man who is a solid 8+ on the 1-10 lookscale should have very little difficulty with finding women who are interested and he'll likely have had successful hookups, one night stands, short term relationships, should be choose to participate in these activities. However, keeping a woman long term may be an issue when these social and personality flaws begin to reveal themselves as the relationship goes on.
Autistic men who are very intelligent and very successful in their field may be able to find a partner through this method. Some women are particularly drawn to intellectual men and those that appear very intelligent. So an autistic man with very high intelligence may be able to attract a woman this way. Secondly, some women are drawn to wealth and achievement because of hypergamy, which is the tendency for women to date up in the social and financial hierarchy.
Some men opt to go overseas and finding a girlfriend or a wife in a different country may be beneficial depending on their circumstances. For example, in The Philippines many women are interested in dating a white man due to a number of reasons. Caucasians typically come from a first world country which means a filipina marrying a white man means a better life for her and her future offspring. Secondly, white skin is oftentimes considered attractive in filipino culture. Because of these reasons, autistic men that struggle with meeting a girl in their home country may be more successful in countries where finding a partner is considerably easier.
Finally, lowering their standards may be a realistic option for men on the spectrum. Not everyone is capable of dating an extremely beautiful woman as many of them have extremely high standards in a partner which is something that an autistic man may not be able to meet. However, dating a less attractive woman who is plain, overweight, or nerdy, may be a better fit for many men on the spectrum.
When it comes to dating, there are various ways one can go about trying to a find a relationship. For example, some people opt to go the online dating route, while other individuals may prefer the real life approach. The trick to dating is to find a method that plays to your strengths and minimizes your weaknesses. For example, a man with really good looks BUT is introverted and awkward would likely benefit from the online dating approach since online dating is 95% looks, and because talking through a screen is easier for introverted and awkward people. On the opposite end of the spectrum, someone who is physically below average but is very funny and outgoing would likely do better with meeting women in real life instead where he can win a woman over through his charisma and charm.
The majority of autistic men are not naturally charming or particularly socially intelligent, which means they need to find a way to compensate for these disadvantages should they wish to succeed in the dating market. For some men on the spectrum, this is through being very conventionally attractive. In fact, the better looking you are, the easier it is to compensate for personality/social flaws. An autistic man who is a solid 8+ on the 1-10 lookscale should have very little difficulty with finding women who are interested and he'll likely have had successful hookups, one night stands, short term relationships, should be choose to participate in these activities. However, keeping a woman long term may be an issue when these social and personality flaws begin to reveal themselves as the relationship goes on.
Autistic men who are very intelligent and very successful in their field may be able to find a partner through this method. Some women are particularly drawn to intellectual men and those that appear very intelligent. So an autistic man with very high intelligence may be able to attract a woman this way. Secondly, some women are drawn to wealth and achievement because of hypergamy, which is the tendency for women to date up in the social and financial hierarchy.
Some men opt to go overseas and finding a girlfriend or a wife in a different country may be beneficial depending on their circumstances. For example, in The Philippines many women are interested in dating a white man due to a number of reasons. Caucasians typically come from a first world country which means a filipina marrying a white man means a better life for her and her future offspring. Secondly, white skin is oftentimes considered attractive in filipino culture. Because of these reasons, autistic men that struggle with meeting a girl in their home country may be more successful in countries where finding a partner is considerably easier.
Finally, lowering their standards may be a realistic option for men on the spectrum. Not everyone is capable of dating an extremely beautiful woman as many of them have extremely high standards in a partner which is something that an autistic man may not be able to meet. However, dating a less attractive woman who is plain, overweight, or nerdy, may be a better fit for many men on the spectrum.
My local church is the only place I go to find women.I dont think I ever be able to find the right woman for me and I am not going to date someone I am not attracted to.I dont go to bars to find women.I have been talking to women on facebook but nothing has materialized.I have been on dates before and have had a few girlfriends and had 1 or 2 long-term relationships in my life.
27 Jan 2023, 10:40 am
Muse933277 wrote:
If you're an ugly autistic man, you are at a major disadvantage in the dating marketplace. Your only realistic options are to date other ugly girls, get a mail order bride, travel to a different country where the dating market is considerably easier (for example, The Philippines), or continue to shoot your shot with hot girls and hope you get extremely lucky and one of them will be willing to go out with you.
Well if you're genuinely ugly by which I mean unattractive for whatever reason, it stands to reason you would date ugly women i.e. women who are equally unattractive. I say this in a very general sense, though I feel that it comes across as sort of dismissive although I don't know how to express the thought any other way.
If you accept this premise, then as an "ugly" man you face unique challenges. For example, you might find yourself approaching women you don't find attractive for companionship, whereas an "attractive" man only approaches women to whom he is attracted, so there's a qualitative difference.
Now as I see it, the good news has to do with sex. By which I mean that, if you've had a sexual encounter with such a woman, you may start to have sexual thoughts about her. No guarantee of course. But the problem here is that if a woman believes herself to be unattractive, she will avoid sexual encounters in the belief that such an encounter would mean being used for sex. In contrast, attractive women often "sleep around" then compare notes with their friends over wine; even though the guys they are having sex with aren't committing to anything, they don't worry about being used. So it would probably help for women who think themselves unattractive to be sexually forward including offers of sexual favors (not necessary PIV sex) with no long-term expectations. If they were able to arrange some sort of encounters that way, it's altogether possible they could actually find somebody who want to be with them, even if that person didn't expect that going in.
27 Jan 2023, 10:50 am
Highlander852456 wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
It's not true for me.
I don't even look at people so I have no interest in their "looks".
How do looks help a relationship, exactly?
I don't even look at people so I have no interest in their "looks".
How do looks help a relationship, exactly?
Lets cut the crap, here.
Looks matter.
I'm not cutting the crap because it's my own opinion FOR ME.
That's why I said "It's not true FOR ME".
I'm referring to the person's inherent looks, like their nose or their physique.
I really don't care.
Clean clothes and all that matters to me, but that's not part of the person.
Hygiene matters to me, but that's not part of the person and it can change.
I dated a homeless man for seven years (ffs), when I owned a house.
Please don't set my standards for me.
Sure, someone who is my version of "great looking" might be nice.
I'd much rather have a partner who's not an a***hole or egomaniac.
Try not speaking for people with PTSD from bad people.
Try having empathy.
You'll find that looks are the least of our concerns at this point.
_________________
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
27 Jan 2023, 10:51 am
MaxE wrote:
The biggest problem with dating discussions on this site is that we seldom know what sort of appearance the people involved present (here I am addressing anything about the in-person "impression" one person makes on another). It seems clear that some people here are more attractive than others simply because they seem to be in or have had romantic relationships, either good or bad, regardless of gender, whereas others have never been in relationships despite a lifetime of trying.
In the NT world such things are a given. However, in the autistic community we are all supposed to be poster children and oblivious to "materialistic" considerations such as "looks". I am certain there are many people here who would be in relationships if they were to overlook "conventional" notions of physical attractiveness, but people simply can't do that. One could justifiably claim there are those who haven't dated because dating somebody "in their league" is tantamount to dating someone to whom they aren't attracted. But on WP we aren't supposed to acknowledge that. All this advice about "working on yourself" or "learning to love yourself before hoping to be loved" is valuable but won't solve anyone's problem if their problem is that they aren't attractive to those to whom they are attracted.
In the NT world such things are a given. However, in the autistic community we are all supposed to be poster children and oblivious to "materialistic" considerations such as "looks". I am certain there are many people here who would be in relationships if they were to overlook "conventional" notions of physical attractiveness, but people simply can't do that. One could justifiably claim there are those who haven't dated because dating somebody "in their league" is tantamount to dating someone to whom they aren't attracted. But on WP we aren't supposed to acknowledge that. All this advice about "working on yourself" or "learning to love yourself before hoping to be loved" is valuable but won't solve anyone's problem if their problem is that they aren't attractive to those to whom they are attracted.
I feel many people here have preferences for partners that are outside the typical norms because they're autistic and because they're autisitc, they also wrongly assume this applies to everyone.
Good looks are a great foot in the door, end of. Even myself who's an introvert and easily overdose on "people" shows much more enthusiasm for getting to know the in's and out's of an attractive woman compared to an unattractive woman.
Also, women and men become a lot more approachable if they have an interest in your appearance.
This, quite frankly should be blindingly obvious but this is WP afterall.
I can't help but feel that many people here attempt to spare the feelings of members who are struggling by denying the crystal clear truth and/try to raise others by putting everyone else down. It benefits nobody at the end of the day.
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| A dog vs having a girlfriend! |
21 Mar 2024, 8:57 am |
| A counterpoint to Autistic Supremacy? Autistic Inferiority? |
26 Feb 2024, 1:46 pm |
| Handbook for autistic-autistic social interactions |
08 Feb 2024, 1:31 pm |
| Being gay vs autistic! |
21 Apr 2024, 12:09 pm |
