Bad L&D Advice You Were Given

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This is the thread to share whatever nonsense you were told concerning this topic.

I’ll go first.

My piano teacher told me to find and marry a rich man. I was 15 at the time. Of course, she was in her 80s, so I’ve not held it against her. She was awesome overall and a FANTASTIC teacher.

She said that because she viewed me as being very old-fashioned. I liked to cook, crochet, read, and play the piano. I even had a job where I weaved on a very old loom. I seemed to be the perfect model of a Victorian young lady. I even fainted on occasion!

I temporarily worked 12 hour days in factory conditions as a weaver getting paid under the table, but she didn’t know that. She thought of me as “The Lady of Shalott.”

I didn't get any advice because I was raised by wolves.

My mother referred to weddings as "funerals", though, and she said no man was lily-white. I think that meant I wasn't supposed to trust anyone because no one was innocent. I'm pretty sure it wasn't about horticulture or racism.

My grandmother told me not to sit on a boy's lap unless he had a big old phone book on his lap. I guess she thought the phone book would make me feel taller.

OH WAIT - My mother also said it was just as easy to love a rich man as a poor man.

Money seemed to be a thing back then.

My parents advice was limited to telling me to follow the advice of the Watchtower. If I married a JW man, everything would be fantastic! When I married a nonbeliever, they said that converting him would fix everything. It just made things worse because then he used the Bible to control me.

"She's letting you know she likes you." -- After she threw a rock at my head.

"She's just playing hard-to-get." -- After she threatened to have her brothers beat me up.

I am honestly confused with the advice I have been given in the past.

When I was about 13, my Dad said "Don't let me hear that you have been playing with the girls". Now I was in a mixed school. To obay my Dad I did all I could to stay away from girls.Two sisters used to like to talk to me, and I avoided them... They were nice. Was puzzled why my Dad said that.

An elderly man who ran a shop said to me (He was a Christian)
"Christians don't go on dates like non-Christians do". Did he mean one must launch into marriage without dating? Is that wize?

Oh. I can relate to that Fnord. People my parents age or older who tried to set me up with young ladies they knew who they said were "The ideal match". Err! No! One was nasty because she was hurting inside. She was like a volcano spewing not lava towards guys like me! No way did I want to be near her! One lady nurse when my Grandmother was in hospital... My Grandmother thought she would make a nice girlfriend for me. Errrr, Not really! She's a nurse! Nurses are married to their jobs. Nurses marry doctors.

But generally, I have a very good eye for matching couples up and have done in the past. But I am not good at matching myself up. God can do that!

When I was a kid, I changed my mind a lot on what I wanted to do when I got older. I went through a phase where I wanted to be a hairdresser and when my hairdresser at the time heard this, she told me that I should marry a rich man in the future if that's the case.

Also, yes, I heard the whole 'he only bullies you because he likes you, you should ignore him / be nice to him'.

I remember a kid confessing that he liked me and that picking on me had been an act. So I replied that I didn't like him and added that if he ever wants a girlfriend then he should try being nice to girls instead. Looking back, I could have worded that better but oh well.

Also, I've had the advice 'You should stop looking for love. It'll find you when you least expect it!' which out of context sounds pretty horrifying if you ask me. I understand what people mean when they say this though, to focus on enjoying life than finding a relationship because if your focus is on the latter... then things are going to feel forced and you'll find someone to be in a relationship with just for sake of being in a relationship rather than a genuine connection.

However, I think you also do have to put some effort in to meet new people. Otherwise nothing really changes.

If you want to become the soup of the month.

"Life is full of surprises. Anything can happen. You might meet someone you will marry, some day".

When I was a kid & girls physically bullied me at school, my teachers said it was because the girl liked me. Hypothetically if there is any truth in that it says that girls associate love with abuse & perhaps that's why some women stay with very abusive guys because the women still assume the abuse means the guy really loves her. I would much rather be loveless than experience major abuse in order to experience love. I'm also very sure that if I had physically bullied a girl back I woulda got in big trouble. I f#cking hate double standards & the thought of women associating abuse with love makes me hate hew-mons even more.

I don't think I've been given much majorly bad relationship advice. A lot of the advice I've been given is stuff that could potentially work for some other people & didn't fully grasp my more unique situation or it was just meant to help me feel better. I've been given a bit of seemingly contradictory advice like quit seeking a relationship vs put myself out there more, try to work on fixing my own issues vs needing to love myself more, seek a partner who also has issues so we could relate & help each other vs seek a partner who is very independent so she would be able to support us both instead of her needing her partner to help.

I tried to analyze the advice I got & how it might could be applied & potentially work for me & I also tried to consider the source of the advice.

“Marry him or we’ll shun you and cut you off.”

Thanks Mom and Dad.

“The husband needs to be the head of the house because two people can’t drive a car.”

False analogy fallacy. Driving a car is not the same thing as being in a relationship.

I too have been told to "stop looking for love and just let it come to you" which really doesn't make any sense!

How do you just let love come to you without being proactive and searching for it?

You don't.

Instead in order to find love you MUST start going into the world and talking to people!

This is some of the shittiest advice I’ve ever seen. I wasn’t told this exactly but stuff that’s pretty similar.



I was told that once a man has sex it becomes a need (unlike with women ). Since masturbation is wrong, wives are expected to fulfill that need when it arises - pun intended.

You're right.

Don’t make friends with people of the “opposite sex.”

Only date when you are old enough for marriage.

Wait until marriage to have sex.