When do you have to be most experienced

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chris1989
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23 May 2023, 8:30 am

I don't know but one of the reasons I'm asking this question is because it's been kicked off by seeing something scrolling on my phone about singer dua lipa who is 27 is seeing someone who is 41 and I thought "Oh here we go another story about two people with a large age gap between them and people will be commenting saying "He's too old for her and she is too young for him." I'm getting quite sick of hearing about these stories and surely does it matter in the 21st century?

I don't know why but I feel bad because I still haven't yet had the most experiences with relationships in my early 30s and it's leaving me like I'm "wasting time not experiencing it" and that I "should" have had experience with sex and relationships by now when I was in my late teens or early 20s. I had friendships with a couple of girls but not a relationship.



Last edited by chris1989 on 23 May 2023, 9:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

Joe90
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23 May 2023, 9:10 am

Yes I hear a lot of stories about large age gap relationships. It does get a little boring, but at the same time it's good that they're making people more aware. But some people will always have their opinions against it, which is fine by me. I'm in a large age gap relationship myself (some 30 years between us), and luckily our families approve but there are some people who think it's strange. I suppose they would.


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TwilightPrincess
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23 May 2023, 9:18 am

Different things matter to different people. There's nothing wrong with that.

The difference between 27 and 41 isn't too bad. It's a bit creepy IMO when a person is so much older they could have kids or, even, grandkids who are the same age as their partner, but we all are into different things.


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Joe90
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23 May 2023, 9:21 am

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Different things matter to different people. There's nothing wrong with that.

This is true. But whatever is right or wrong for one person it will always offend someone else.

My boyfriend's kids are around my age. :mrgreen:


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Benjamin the Donkey
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23 May 2023, 11:12 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
Different things matter to different people. There's nothing wrong with that.

The difference between 27 and 41 isn't too bad. It's a bit creepy IMO when a person is so much older they could have kids or, even, grandkids who are the same age as their partner, but we all are into different things.


I know you say it's just your opinion, but it's still rather rude to describe someone else's life--in this case, mine--as "creepy."


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TwilightPrincess
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23 May 2023, 11:21 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Different things matter to different people. There's nothing wrong with that.

The difference between 27 and 41 isn't too bad. It's a bit creepy IMO when a person is so much older they could have kids or, even, grandkids who are the same age as their partner, but we all are into different things.


I know you say it's just your opinion, but it's still rather rude to describe someone else's life--in this case, mine--as "creepy."

You are free to think I’m rude. I am free to think that relationships with big age differences are creepy.

I was speaking in general, not about your relationship specifically.


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IsabellaLinton
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23 May 2023, 11:53 am

OP,

Are you just venting or is there a question you'd like people to answer?

If the question is whether these stories about singers' dating lives should matter to us in the 21st Century, my answer would be no. I've never heard of that singer and couldn't really care less who she's dating as long as it's safe and she isn't being exploited for any money that I'll presume she has.

If the question is whether age matters in dating, I think we've already answered that question multiple times in a lot of other threads. It's a question that none of us can answer for you because we all have different points of view. It all boils down to personal choice for you, if you're ever in a position to consider dating someone a fair bit older or younger than yourself and assuming of course they'd be of legal age. Likewise if you decide to date men, or any other demographic which might not be seen as traditional in your family. These are decisions that you need to make on your own without worrying what's acceptable to other people, or more specifically people here on Wrong Planet.


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MaxE
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23 May 2023, 12:01 pm

I feel bad about having been less interested in a LTR with someone I once dated (who had been the one who initially pursued the relationship) because she was not only a couple years older than I but had serious health challenges. I might have been more willing to deal with her health issues had I been older. I feel bad particularly because she and I got along very well.

I can blame some of this on my parents. My mother was 8.5 years older than my father and I didn't get a good impression of a relationship with that sort of age difference from observing them.


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IsabellaLinton
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23 May 2023, 12:09 pm

MaxE wrote:
My mother was 8.5 years older than my father and I didn't get a good impression of a relationship with that sort of age difference from observing them.


What problems did you notice in their relationship that you think related to her age?


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chris1989
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23 May 2023, 1:29 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
OP,

Are you just venting or is there a question you'd like people to answer?

If the question is whether these stories about singers' dating lives should matter to us in the 21st Century, my answer would be no. I've never heard of that singer and couldn't really care less who she's dating as long as it's safe and she isn't being exploited for any money that I'll presume she has.

If the question is whether age matters in dating, I think we've already answered that question multiple times in a lot of other threads. It's a question that none of us can answer for you because we all have different points of view. It all boils down to personal choice for you, if you're ever in a position to consider dating someone a fair bit older or younger than yourself and assuming of course they'd be of legal age. Likewise if you decide to date men, or any other demographic which might not be seen as traditional in your family. These are decisions that you need to make on your own without worrying what's acceptable to other people, or more specifically people here on Wrong Planet.


I would say its a bit of both.



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23 May 2023, 4:49 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
MaxE wrote:
My mother was 8.5 years older than my father and I didn't get a good impression of a relationship with that sort of age difference from observing them.


What problems did you notice in their relationship that you think related to her age?

I can't give you a concise answer. I know that when they met, my mother thought he was a kid and had a hard time taking him seriously. Later in life, my father would make grand gestures to demonstrate how devoted he was to her, expensive presents and so forth, but he always seemed to be overcompensating. They didn't really seem that happy though. At the same time I had a couple of coworkers who were in a similar age gap situation. Their marriages seemed shaky and they could be seen acting inappropriately around younger female colleagues. I guess I equated that to my parents' marriage. I don't have any better answer for you.


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Benjamin the Donkey
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23 May 2023, 6:35 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Different things matter to different people. There's nothing wrong with that.

The difference between 27 and 41 isn't too bad. It's a bit creepy IMO when a person is so much older they could have kids or, even, grandkids who are the same age as their partner, but we all are into different things.


I know you say it's just your opinion, but it's still rather rude to describe someone else's life--in this case, mine--as "creepy."

You are free to think I’m rude. I am free to think that relationships with big age differences are creepy.

I was speaking in general, not about your relationship specifically.

If you say, "I think gay couples are creepy," it would be offensive to a specific gay couple.

If you say, "I think interracial couples are creepy," would be offensive to a specific interracial couple.

Yes, you're free to have whatever biases and prejudices you may have. But if you publicly announce them, don't be surprised if you're called out for it.


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TwilightPrincess
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23 May 2023, 6:47 pm

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Different things matter to different people. There's nothing wrong with that.

The difference between 27 and 41 isn't too bad. It's a bit creepy IMO when a person is so much older they could have kids or, even, grandkids who are the same age as their partner, but we all are into different things.


I know you say it's just your opinion, but it's still rather rude to describe someone else's life--in this case, mine--as "creepy."

You are free to think I’m rude. I am free to think that relationships with big age differences are creepy.

I was speaking in general, not about your relationship specifically.

If you say, "I think gay couples are creepy," it would be offensive to a specific gay couple.

If you say, "I think interracial couples are creepy," would be offensive to a specific interracial couple.

Yes, you're free to have whatever biases and prejudices you may have. But if you publicly announce them, don't be surprised if you're called out for it.

I stand by what I said. I think it’s creepy when people date someone who could be their kids or grandkids’ age. It’s not the same as the examples you gave.

There’s a difference in life experience, often power dynamics, and people will typically not have as much in common. Maybe this doesn’t hold true for every relationship. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with such a disparity. It’s okay to have preferences and opinions.

I’ve observed and been in relationships like this that were absolutely exploitative (for the reasons I stated above).

You’re free to take what I say personally but don’t expect to chance my stance.


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IsabellaLinton
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23 May 2023, 6:51 pm

MaxE wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
MaxE wrote:
My mother was 8.5 years older than my father and I didn't get a good impression of a relationship with that sort of age difference from observing them.


What problems did you notice in their relationship that you think related to her age?

I can't give you a concise answer. I know that when they met, my mother thought he was a kid and had a hard time taking him seriously. Later in life, my father would make grand gestures to demonstrate how devoted he was to her, expensive presents and so forth, but he always seemed to be overcompensating. They didn't really seem that happy though. At the same time I had a couple of coworkers who were in a similar age gap situation. Their marriages seemed shaky and they could be seen acting inappropriately around younger female colleagues. I guess I equated that to my parents' marriage. I don't have any better answer for you.


Thanks. I was just curious. My grandmother was four years older than my grandfather. They always kept separate bedrooms for their 50 year marriage, even during the depression, but they were extremely happy and had reams of kids, grandchildren, and greats.


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TwilightPrincess
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23 May 2023, 7:09 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
MaxE wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
MaxE wrote:
My mother was 8.5 years older than my father and I didn't get a good impression of a relationship with that sort of age difference from observing them.


What problems did you notice in their relationship that you think related to her age?

I can't give you a concise answer. I know that when they met, my mother thought he was a kid and had a hard time taking him seriously. Later in life, my father would make grand gestures to demonstrate how devoted he was to her, expensive presents and so forth, but he always seemed to be overcompensating. They didn't really seem that happy though. At the same time I had a couple of coworkers who were in a similar age gap situation. Their marriages seemed shaky and they could be seen acting inappropriately around younger female colleagues. I guess I equated that to my parents' marriage. I don't have any better answer for you.


Thanks. I was just curious. My grandmother was four years older than my grandfather. They always kept separate bedrooms for their 50 year marriage, even during the depression, but they were extremely happy and had reams of kids, grandchildren, and greats.

I think separate bedrooms were pretty common back then.


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IsabellaLinton
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23 May 2023, 7:59 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
I think separate bedrooms were pretty common back then.


Really? I think it's a great idea but I'd never heard it before.
They were married from the 30s to the late 80s when my grandad died.
Even if they flew here to visit we had to give them two bedrooms.
It meant I slept on the floor downstairs.


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