Gift Giving

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I just watched an episode of “Barry” on HBO last night. This episode was the one where he gives the blonde woman an expensive laptop and is immediately rejected. Was that because she thought he was trying to impress? Show off? Undermine? Why do people act negatively to those thoughtful gifts even if they are expensive?

I have sent women flowers to their work after dates before. Recently I’ve discovered that is “creepy”? One woman even said I “tracked down where she works”. But she had told me several times during the date exactly where she works.

It can be seen as a bit over the top and pushy.

Maybe your date forgot that she told you where she worked, and it felt like you were stalking her. Maybe she would feel awkward about receiving flowers at work no matter what.

In any case, it might be a good idea to hold off on that sort of thing until you know someone really well and have an idea of how it would be received.

One of my exbf's sends me flowers and chocolates on Valentine's Day, and randomly deposits large sums of money in my bank account. By large, I mean $1000-$2000 maybe once or twice a year by etransfer, without asking or notifying me first. This is a person I've known since the 90's but we broke up in 2002 and remained friends.

I'm extremely creeped out when he does these things because it's manipulative. It puts me in a position where I need to ring him and say thank you, or otherwise treat him like he's a nice person. If I don't do that, I'm seen as being ungrateful or rude.

I don't want gifts or money from anyone. For one thing I'm autistic which means I have Sensory Processing Disorder. The smell of roses and even the smell of chocolate makes me so sick from migraines that I can be bed-ridden and vomiting for a few days and need to miss work or cancel other plans. Roses also trigger a trauma reaction for me. The money is just plain weird and creepy, and suggests somehow that I'm dependent on him or I owe him a debt of gratitude. I've told him many times to stop but he doesn't listen. That's even more disrespectful than the fact he sends me these things I don't want. When I get the roses they go immediately into the trash from the front door, without even coming into my house. I give the chocolates away.

The best gift he could give me would be respect. The fact we are broken up isn't the problem, btw.

I'd react the same way if we were still together, because either way he's putting his desire for validation ahead of my thoughts and feelings, or my dignity. I shouldn't need to ring someone and thank them for gifts I don't want. I shouldn't have to lie and pretend I liked it. I shouldn't have to be viewed in a negative light if I'm ungrateful or annoyed or physically ill because of his gestures, either.

Giving gifts to your partner or random women you want to be your partner is boring. I prefer to give gifts to my daughter. I randomly gave her a new Duplo set today and the way her face lit up was precious.

^

If I'm going to give a gift, I'd give something cheap that reflects something I know about them. And definitely not after one date.

Where it gets really frustrating is when they've forgotten they've told me something and somehow it's my fault that I remembered.

Personally, I wouldn't send something to somebody's work ever, and I wouldn't send it to their home unless I've been invited there multiple times and probably slept with them.

But, really, gifts as a way of communicating a connection is just generally asking for trouble. Either they're unwanted or the other person is taking advantage of you. Instances where it's actually appropriate are much less common.

What some find creepy, others find thoughtful & sweet. The women in the romance films tend to really like getting flowers & other various romantic fluff. In real life different people can have very different opinions about gift giving & I'd might as well flip a coin till I know the person a bit. I'm very lucky that I avoided this issue by starting all 3 of my relationships online & they knew I didn't have much money to spend on gifts. As a general rule I don't really give anyone gifts & I don't really want others to give me things either but I know lots of people would think I'm a cheap lame party-pooper.

That's beautiful Retro!

I have sent flowers to women at their work but only after I had established a relationship with them, not after one or two dates.

A big gift (like a computer) to a woman (or man) you have dated one or two times (or perhaps not at all) comes with an invisible - to the sender - "I AM NEEDY" sign attached. You might as well wear your simp card on a lanyard around your neck.

There are some players who do that hoping to impress women & it seems to work well for them(it did for my cousin) but neither the players nor the women are probably wanting a serious romantic relationship. It's also a major warning sign if the person asks for an expensive gift or money & you only went out a couple times or you met them online & never actually met in person. That said if I had a bit of money when I just started a relationship or 1st started dating someone & I knew that she was going through a rough finachial time, I probably woulda offered to help no strings attached. I didn't know how to not seem majorly desperate when I was single so I tried to play up that angle how I couold.

If it’s Christmas or a birthday then I think a person can get away with giving gifts without seeming creepy. If it’s not, then it will likely seem creepy. Maybe not desperate or needy, but maybe desperate and needy. It seems like someone is trying too hard to be a ‘good guy’ either consciously or not. As opposed to what they think is a bad guy that usually gets the girls.