Autistic boyfriend cheated accidentally

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nick007
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18 Nov 2023, 8:31 am

It sounds to me like he's dealing with some very serious issues ATM & wants some space. You should ask yourself if that type of behaviour is something you could deal with on a regular basis from him if you were to get married. BTW I don't think being drunk is a good excuse for cheating because he made a conscious choice to start drinking. This would be like if someone chose to drive home drunk from a bar & caused a car wreck that killed someone & the drunk driver gets a free pass because he was not in his right mind due to being drunk.


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18 Nov 2023, 9:38 am

nick007 wrote:
It sounds to me like he's dealing with some very serious issues ATM & wants some space. You should ask yourself if that type of behaviour is something you could deal with on a regular basis from him if you were to get married. BTW I don't think being drunk is a good excuse for cheating because he made a conscious choice to start drinking. This would be like if someone chose to drive home drunk from a bar & caused a car wreck that killed someone & the drunk driver gets a free pass because he was not in his right mind due to being drunk.


:heart:

Agreed.


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18 Nov 2023, 7:48 pm

nick007 wrote:
It sounds to me like he's dealing with some very serious issues ATM & wants some space. You should ask yourself if that type of behaviour is something you could deal with on a regular basis from him if you were to get married. BTW I don't think being drunk is a good excuse for cheating because he made a conscious choice to start drinking. This would be like if someone chose to drive home drunk from a bar & caused a car wreck that killed someone & the drunk driver gets a free pass because he was not in his right mind due to being drunk.


Double agreed.



NobodyNothingJr
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18 Nov 2023, 9:00 pm

It sounds to me that he could potentially want to break up and is hoping you’ll break up with him over this because him being the one to call the breakup is too stressful. I suggest giving him some space and see where it goes from there.



foxylildvl
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18 Nov 2023, 10:05 pm

I just want to say thanks to everyone replying. Its honestly helped me.



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19 Nov 2023, 1:14 am

How does someone accidently cheat on their partner?


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nick007
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19 Nov 2023, 4:29 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
How does someone accidently cheat on their partner?
Great question. As blitzkrieg mentioned, if the woman snuck in & started riding him or something while he was half asleep that would be rape & being raped should not be considered cheating. If he was still conscious but his judgement was not the best then he still made the decision to cheat. If he gets soo drunk that he accidently cheats, I would be concerened about his drinking & worry he would repeat the mistake or do something else next time he drinks. If the OP has never met him in person I wonder if he's a catfish who created the story so the first meetup would be posponed. I think someone had a story like this on the show Catfish before.


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Jono
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19 Nov 2023, 2:39 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
How does someone accidently cheat on their partner?


Because the sex was not completely consensual? From the description in the OP, she took advantage of him when he was drunk, meaning that the sex was actually unwanted. That could be considered rape if the genders were reversed.



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21 Nov 2023, 12:34 am

Jono wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
How does someone accidently cheat on their partner?


Because the sex was not completely consensual? From the description in the OP, she took advantage of him when he was drunk, meaning that the sex was actually unwanted. That could be considered rape if the genders were reversed.


I understand now.


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21 Nov 2023, 12:43 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
^ It kind of sounds like he was too drunk to consent, if he had drunkenly gone to bed and she snuck in.


If she started riding him without his consent, that would be rape.



If a drunk woman decides to sleep with a guy, the man is painted as a rapist. But if the same happens to a guy, he cheated than being raped by the woman? Why isn't it that a drunk woman cheated when she decided to sleep with a man while intoxicated?


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21 Nov 2023, 12:45 am

foxylildvl wrote:
This is not something i would normally do and it's a weird topic in general. My bf is a high functioning autistic individual, you wouldn't know he has it unless he tells you. He had issues with social cues and emotional responses. The two of us live apart in different countries and met through a game we play together online. He's the sweetest person ever and never lies about anything. We've had issues in the past with communication and he sometimes melts down and shuts down communication but we always get back on track when we talk it over.

My issue is that he ha been having a rough time with work life. They decided as a group at work to shut down early and everyone take the night off to go drinking together. He unfortunately over did the drinking and his inhibitions and sense of self wasn't right. A girl he works with has been attracted to him and snuck in his room at night and they slept together. He completely melted down and ran away from home hours away from where he lives to go to a friends place to just leave everything behind.

I'm pretty angry about the situation but not really at him. I'm angry at the girl who blew up our life just because she found him attractive. My bf has now shut down and is miserable about it all and i don't know how to help him understand i dont blame him. We were supposed to meet 3 days after the incident happen and i have rescheduled my flight to christmas week instead to give him time to calm down and chose if he wants to fix things. I think because we haven't been intimate I am not as attached to being angry at him about it like he wants me to be.

I am just lost on how to help him or if I should allow him to end our relationship as he wants because of this one mistake.


Sounds like he was violated and the woman took advantage of him. Reverse the genders and wonder if you would say the same about a woman who is drunk.


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cyberdad
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21 Nov 2023, 12:54 am

foxylildvl wrote:
They decided as a group at work to shut down early and everyone take the night off to go drinking together. He unfortunately over did the drinking and his inhibitions and sense of self wasn't right. A girl he works with has been attracted to him and snuck in his room at night and they slept together. He completely melted down and ran away from home hours away from where he lives to go to a friends place to just leave everything behind.


If your B/F functions normally then he knows the difference between right and wrong. Most married men who get roaring drunk would never cheat on their wives. No there is no such thing as "accidentally" sleeping with a co-worker.



nick007
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21 Nov 2023, 10:34 am

League_Girl wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
^ It kind of sounds like he was too drunk to consent, if he had drunkenly gone to bed and she snuck in.


If she started riding him without his consent, that would be rape.



If a drunk woman decides to sleep with a guy, the man is painted as a rapist. But if the same happens to a guy, he cheated than being raped by the woman? Why isn't it that a drunk woman cheated when she decided to sleep with a man while intoxicated?
Good point. For the record my opinion on this would be the same regardless of either of their genders.


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21 Nov 2023, 10:55 am

cyberdad wrote:
foxylildvl wrote:
They decided as a group at work to shut down early and everyone take the night off to go drinking together. He unfortunately over did the drinking and his inhibitions and sense of self wasn't right. A girl he works with has been attracted to him and snuck in his room at night and they slept together. He completely melted down and ran away from home hours away from where he lives to go to a friends place to just leave everything behind.


If your B/F functions normally then he knows the difference between right and wrong. Most married men who get roaring drunk would never cheat on their wives. No there is no such thing as "accidentally" sleeping with a co-worker.


Something is fishy about the she snuck into his room business. Where was he when this happened? Did he invite this woman over to his house after the partying? I’m with those who think he might have been overly inibriated but there was nothing accidental. His crazed flight (my words, not the OP’s) might have been a passive aggressive defense mechanism designed to get sympathetic and avoid the charge that he knew what he was doing.



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21 Nov 2023, 11:44 am

nick007 wrote:
It sounds to me like he's dealing with some very serious issues ATM & wants some space. You should ask yourself if that type of behaviour is something you could deal with on a regular basis from him if you were to get married. BTW I don't think being drunk is a good excuse for cheating because he made a conscious choice to start drinking. This would be like if someone chose to drive home drunk from a bar & caused a car wreck that killed someone & the drunk driver gets a free pass because he was not in his right mind due to being drunk.


What if it is a rape case? Like him being the rape victim.

I think if genders were reversed, the tune of this case would be too different. It could be a case of rape but since he is a man, he gets the message from society that what he did is cheating.



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21 Nov 2023, 11:55 am

Women who are drunk aren't always believed by society, either. It often comes down to how drunk they were. In some circles, a person needs to be drunk to the point of unconsciousness for them to be believed or taken seriously. Even then, people often engage in victim-blaming rhetoric, perhaps due to a lack of empathy.

At any rate, given how devastated the BF is, it sounds like it could be rape.

In my opinion, if a person drank too much to make an informed decision, it's rape.


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