Autistic boyfriend cheated accidentally
nick007
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Age: 41
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Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
It sounds to me like he's dealing with some very serious issues ATM & wants some space. You should ask yourself if that type of behaviour is something you could deal with on a regular basis from him if you were to get married. BTW I don't think being drunk is a good excuse for cheating because he made a conscious choice to start drinking. This would be like if someone chose to drive home drunk from a bar & caused a car wreck that killed someone & the drunk driver gets a free pass because he was not in his right mind due to being drunk.
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Agreed.
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Double agreed.
nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,132
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
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"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
Because the sex was not completely consensual? From the description in the OP, she took advantage of him when he was drunk, meaning that the sex was actually unwanted. That could be considered rape if the genders were reversed.
Because the sex was not completely consensual? From the description in the OP, she took advantage of him when he was drunk, meaning that the sex was actually unwanted. That could be considered rape if the genders were reversed.
I understand now.
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If she started riding him without his consent, that would be rape.
If a drunk woman decides to sleep with a guy, the man is painted as a rapist. But if the same happens to a guy, he cheated than being raped by the woman? Why isn't it that a drunk woman cheated when she decided to sleep with a man while intoxicated?
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
My issue is that he ha been having a rough time with work life. They decided as a group at work to shut down early and everyone take the night off to go drinking together. He unfortunately over did the drinking and his inhibitions and sense of self wasn't right. A girl he works with has been attracted to him and snuck in his room at night and they slept together. He completely melted down and ran away from home hours away from where he lives to go to a friends place to just leave everything behind.
I'm pretty angry about the situation but not really at him. I'm angry at the girl who blew up our life just because she found him attractive. My bf has now shut down and is miserable about it all and i don't know how to help him understand i dont blame him. We were supposed to meet 3 days after the incident happen and i have rescheduled my flight to christmas week instead to give him time to calm down and chose if he wants to fix things. I think because we haven't been intimate I am not as attached to being angry at him about it like he wants me to be.
I am just lost on how to help him or if I should allow him to end our relationship as he wants because of this one mistake.
Sounds like he was violated and the woman took advantage of him. Reverse the genders and wonder if you would say the same about a woman who is drunk.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
If your B/F functions normally then he knows the difference between right and wrong. Most married men who get roaring drunk would never cheat on their wives. No there is no such thing as "accidentally" sleeping with a co-worker.
nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,132
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
If she started riding him without his consent, that would be rape.
If a drunk woman decides to sleep with a guy, the man is painted as a rapist. But if the same happens to a guy, he cheated than being raped by the woman? Why isn't it that a drunk woman cheated when she decided to sleep with a man while intoxicated?
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
If your B/F functions normally then he knows the difference between right and wrong. Most married men who get roaring drunk would never cheat on their wives. No there is no such thing as "accidentally" sleeping with a co-worker.
Something is fishy about the she snuck into his room business. Where was he when this happened? Did he invite this woman over to his house after the partying? I’m with those who think he might have been overly inibriated but there was nothing accidental. His crazed flight (my words, not the OP’s) might have been a passive aggressive defense mechanism designed to get sympathetic and avoid the charge that he knew what he was doing.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
What if it is a rape case? Like him being the rape victim.
I think if genders were reversed, the tune of this case would be too different. It could be a case of rape but since he is a man, he gets the message from society that what he did is cheating.
Women who are drunk aren't always believed by society, either. It often comes down to how drunk they were. In some circles, a person needs to be drunk to the point of unconsciousness for them to be believed or taken seriously. Even then, people often engage in victim-blaming rhetoric, perhaps due to a lack of empathy.
At any rate, given how devastated the BF is, it sounds like it could be rape.
In my opinion, if a person drank too much to make an informed decision, it's rape.
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