Polyamory.

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Since aspies seem to frequently question social norms, what do you think about the subject of polyamory (having multiple lovers - openly). Most people seem to think it's "wrong" or degrading, but most aspies seem to be free of the biases that often afflict NTs.

Why do you agree or disagree with it?

approve? sure, mainly becouse there's no fighting it, if you love more then one person at a time, then you do.
however, acting upon it is a different story alltogether, and one i myself dont really approve of (beyond the 'good friends' stage), but is something that must be worked out by all parties involved on a case-by-case basis

If it's there, it's there and it can't be fought. Quite frankly, if all parties agree on the issue, I don't particularly care. I do have some doubts with the general concept, though, and think the reasoning behind polyamory is often just "I want more sex with more different people."

What is there to approve or disapprove of? If you want to, then do it. If you don't want to, then don't do it. What other people want to do between themselves is surely none of my business to approve or disapprove of.

Yeah. On the one hand consenting adults can do what they want. On the other hand I've known a few polyamorists and they were all completely self-absorbed and kinda creepy under the guise of being liberal and open-minded.

I would not and could not do polyamory.

That said, I don't really care if other people do it. I just won't.

I neither approve or disapprove of poly relationships. I have been in them, and I've been monogamous. It's really up to the individuals involved to decide.

Would I do it again? Probably not.

I'm in a polyamorous relationship. It's not for everyone, but I'm happy in my situation and wouldn't have it any other way.

things that don't affect me in the slightest are none of my business. therefore I do not care (no such option though).

There should have been 3rd category, just looking. As at the moment I would have said
I just except nature as it is.

However, polygamy has negative effects on society. If you observer the animal kingdom
, polygamous males are very aggressive, lazy, and wicked, such as lions. Birds who are often
monogamous work as a team to bring up their young. Polygamous society gives the advantage
to alpha males, non alpha males would have to be like alpha to get a partner and if they succeed
there is no intensive to settle down.

So men fill into two categories, non alpha cannot find partner to settle down with them, and
alpha with no intensive. And the child without a father. probably living in poverty. Fortunately
there is enough beta men to pay for alpha male children, but eventually they will die out.

In the poly community that isn't at all the reasoning used. In people who aren't at all poly but don't want to commit to someone, it is, and they sometimes use the word polyamory, but its not at all the standard reasoning. In fact, the community tends to view those people as immature and not really poly, though they might become poly.
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I was wondering when someone would post about poly. I've found that aspie/poly/transgender tend to overlap a lot.

Personally, poly makes more sense to me than mono-relationships. I can understand that there are some people out there who are actually mono, but I don't believe that its the percentage of people who end up being strongly anti-poly. I think most people just are following what society views as right or normal. In my mind, both poly and mono should be actively thought about /always/, and should be discussed. Mono should not be the default.

I'm not sure how much people here are aware of how drastically poly relationships vary - the negative posts have all been making assumptions that poly is a particular thing that they disapprove of, while its actually incredibly generic. One-male-multiple-females being the only thing allowed is actually rarely done, and if it is then it actually tends to be done in the BSDM crowd, where the dom has multiple partners and the subs don't. Focusing on sex is something some do, but once again is far from the focus of poly. I mean, I even know asexual poly people. Personally, I'm demisexual and poly (but most people wouldn't realize that because I'm incredibly picky, and demisexual).

Poly and open relationships are different, though they tend to overlap a lot. I personally prefer polyfidelity and group marriage sorts of poly, where not everyone has to be romantically and sexually involved with everyone else in the group, but where it is one coherent group, not separate relationships that have nothing to do with each other. I know others who will only have separate relationships that have nothing to do with each other, including those with primary/secondary relationships, and those who don't.

In my mind, people should do what's appropriate for them to do. They shouldn't try to force themselves to be okay with multiple relationships because their partner wants it, the partner should question whether they want multiple relationships or a relationship with this person, and honor their partner's wishes. They similarly shouldn't act mono only because society says that's right any more than an aspie should be forced into constantly pretending they are an NT, it doesn't work well. When it comes to poly relationships, they should also be what the people in the relationship want.

The big thing that poly relationships have going for them that people overlook is the communication aspect. In a poly relationship, communication is key. There must be discussions about what you are comfortable with and not. This actually means that poly relationships tend to either fail very quickly, or be much more stable long-term. They don't tend to fall into the problems of serial monogamy because of the communication requirements.

I used to think that the ideal sexual arrangement would be something like four men and two women. I've had many a steamy fantasy over that exact scenario.

But as a practical matter, I think the odds of making something like actually work are vanishingly small.

This was not intended to disparage the Poly-community. I'm just saying that I think the perfectly fine idea of polyamory might very well be hijacked by people who're just into having sex with multiple people. Like I said, if everyone's okay with it, then everyone's okay with it, even if the intentions aren't exactly pure and I think it's totally acceptable.

Don't make up your mind based on "a few". As someone else pointed out, if you love more than one person, you just do. For some of us, it has little to do with wanting more sex.

Kate

Wow... just wow.

My point is that that's /not/ poly. Open relationships exist. Swingers exist. And they aren't (necessary) poly. They have their own label, they even use their own label.

I have no issues with open relationships. I think that's another thing that comes down to the people in the relationship. But open relationship != poly, and the two groups don't use each others labels as a whole. As soon as someone who only wants sex talks to pretty much any poly person, the difference is very apparent.

You're talking about an idea that is /different/ than polyamory, and trying to apply the wrong word when in reality using polyamory in that setting won't be successful, because any poly person they interact with will know the difference between love and sex, even if a noticeable amount of them are interested in both.