Reasons women do not date us!

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03 Apr 2024, 10:15 pm

I didn't have anyone's guidance or input when I started dating.
My mother and I never discussed anything like that.
I had no sisters or friends.
There was no internet.

I loved and trusted my dad and brother (and Ken), but didn't ask for advice.
They assumed I was happy enough behind the scenes because I didn't speak up.
When they finally found out all the s**t I experienced, they were mortified.

I think it's a shame when people have access to valuable input but they won't listen.

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And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

uncommondenominator
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03 Apr 2024, 10:16 pm

cyberdad wrote:

TwilightPrincess wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

uncommondenominator wrote:

If someone wanted to be really adventurous, they'd acknowledge their faults, and improve as a human being, rather than blaming everyone else and making endless excuses.

Yes we've been through that with Jamesy over several years now.

Jamesy is by far not the only member who does or has struggled with that.

Yes I know, but we are simply reinventing the wheel by claiming this is insightful to acknowledge one's deficits and work on improving oneself.

Nobody has claimed that these were new revelations. Yet the fact remains that, regardless of how obvious a solution it is, it keeps getting ignored and neglected as an option, in favor of nonsense about "muscles, money, narcissists!" As long as it keeps getting ignored, it bears repeating, cos that's what's gonna solve the problem. Y'all keep askin', that's the answer.

cyberdad
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03 Apr 2024, 10:16 pm

Fnord wrote:

The first people I went to for dating advice were the female members of my own family. The male members were more concerned with getting 'lucky' than with attracting women to establish long-term relationships with them; even the married males were of this mindset.

Nobody is there to hold our hands Fnord. Ultimately the final adjustment is an internal one, you rely on yourself to get things started and keep a relationship going. Uncle Jeb or Aunty Karen isn't the one who decides.

A lot of men are plain lucky. They happen to be in the right place at the right time and things just fall into their lap.

cyberdad
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03 Apr 2024, 10:19 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

TwilightPrincess wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

uncommondenominator wrote:

If someone wanted to be really adventurous, they'd acknowledge their faults, and improve as a human being, rather than blaming everyone else and making endless excuses.

Yes we've been through that with Jamesy over several years now.

Jamesy is by far not the only member who does or has struggled with that.

Yes I know, but we are simply reinventing the wheel by claiming this is insightful to acknowledge one's deficits and work on improving oneself.

Its called exploration. If you have a low tolerance/threshold for talking about this stuff then so bit it. BTW Money is not nonsense. Also talking about this isn't "whining" (yes your condescending jabs haven't gone unnoticed).

TwilightPrincess
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03 Apr 2024, 10:22 pm

cyberdad wrote:

Fnord wrote:

It seems like talking to women in his family and being proactive worked for Fnord seeing as how he’s been happily married for many years.

Luck has much less to do with it than you think. Some like to think it’s more about luck because then they don’t have to put in the work and effort to grow and put themselves out there in a meaningful way.

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Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 03 Apr 2024, 10:24 pm, edited 2 times in total.

IsabellaLinton
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03 Apr 2024, 10:22 pm

cyberdad wrote:

you rely on yourself to get things started and keep a relationship going.

cyberdad wrote:

A lot of men are plain lucky. They happen to be in the right place at the right time and things just fall into their lap.

You're contradicting yourself. Even if a relationship falls into someone's lap, luck won't keep it going. That takes hard work. It's more difficult than meeting someone who drops like an angel from the sky. Luck is not involved.

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Fnord
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03 Apr 2024, 10:25 pm

"Luck" (e.g., random chance) might be involved in meeting someone.

"Effort" is what it takes to keep a relationship going.

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IsabellaLinton
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03 Apr 2024, 10:29 pm

cyberdad wrote:

Money is not nonsense.

You're right. It's not nonsense, and that's why most women earn their own. It's also why many women wouldn't want to depend on a man financially, or have the man depend on them. That can lead to abuse and manipulation.

Although it's not nonsense, it's not a reason for sane individuals to enter or seek a relationship either.

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cyberdad
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03 Apr 2024, 10:33 pm

Fnord wrote:

"Luck" (e.g., random chance) might be involved in meeting someone.

Thats what I meant

cyberdad
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03 Apr 2024, 10:34 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

you rely on yourself to get things started and keep a relationship going.

cyberdad wrote:

A lot of men are plain lucky. They happen to be in the right place at the right time and things just fall into their lap.

"and" a lot of men a plain lucky. A different subset.

IsabellaLinton
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03 Apr 2024, 10:34 pm

I"m sure that's what you meant, but even if you're lucky enough to meet someone it doesn't guarantee you'll get as much as their phone number or a first date. Then the work begins.

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Fnord
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03 Apr 2024, 10:35 pm

cyberdad wrote:

Fnord wrote:

"Luck" (e.g., random chance) might be involved in meeting someone.

That's what I meant.

Right. I met my wife through the encouragement of mutual friends, though. No luck involved.

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IsabellaLinton
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03 Apr 2024, 10:36 pm

cyberdad wrote:

"and" a lot of men a plain lucky. A different subset.

Oh, OK.

I guess by that token some women are lucky too.

Others aren't.

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cyberdad
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03 Apr 2024, 10:36 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:

Fnord seeing as how he’s been happily married for many years.

By strange coincidence so have i.

I am not saying one set of advice > another, But you need to triangulate different experiences and come up with your own strategy.

cyberdad
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03 Apr 2024, 10:36 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

"and" a lot of men a plain lucky. A different subset.

Oh, OK.

I guess by that token some women are lucky too.

Others aren't.

Yep

TwilightPrincess
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03 Apr 2024, 10:46 pm

cyberdad wrote:

TwilightPrincess wrote:

Fnord seeing as how he’s been happily married for many years.

By strange coincidence so have i.

I am not saying one set of advice > another, But you need to triangulate different experiences and come up with your own strategy.

I don’t doubt that people have had different experiences. It doesn’t mean that advice based on those experiences is all equally relevant, useful, or right for other people. This could be related to theory of mind. Just because something worked for you doesn’t mean that it would work for Jamesy. Your advice could be downright harmful to Jamesy. Thinking about his particular struggles and listening to women here might be prudent.

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