Reasons women do not date us!

Post Reply New Topic

I think every women is unique, can make her own choices and think for themselves. But that doesn't change the fact
1. The less attractive you are the less interest you get
2. the less money you make the less interest you get
3. the less socially skilled you are the less interest you get
4. The older you get as a male (and this thread is about males) the harder it becomes to get a date
.
If you score low on any of the above your pool of available choices is limited and > 1 then your pool shrinks dramatically to the point where you literally have to give up.

I have been reading a lot of posts of men on WP who score ok on 1 and 2 but stumble on 3. I accept having autism and being male makes it much harder and requires greater effort. But the problem with dating is trying too hard is also a red flag.

Sage advice, but the reality is "being yourself" often scares women away. So most of us men put on an act initially then when things seem to going well, down the track we reveal our true selves.

A man who is looking for a partner only needs to attract one woman.

It's all the same for autistic women.
In fact it's the same for all humans.

The actual problem with the advice "be yourself" is it fails to account for all types of personalities - it assumes the person in question already has one of positive quality. Like, imagine telling a narcissist or a jerk to "be themselves". In those instances, probably not so effective.

If "being yourself" puts people off, maybe the problem is "the self", rather than "everyone else".

The biggest issue here seems to be y'all seem to think that "getting dates" or finding a relationship is a matter of approaching women you don't even know out of the blue and even remotely expecting a romance to spring forth thanks to the power of your "Nice Guy" energy like some kinda silly rom-com starring Paul Rudd.

If you're approaching every woman you fancy with a twinkle in your eye already hoping she'll be your future romantic interest, people can pick up on that - and it's not as flattering as y'all seem to think it is. Y'all complain so much that women don't try to get to know you better, but when approaching women like this, you're not getting to know them at all before you select them to be your next object of affection.

And that's aside from the fact, at least in my experience, that mostly, bars and clubs are not where people go to "get dates". Bars and clubs are where groups of friends who already know each other go to drink dance etc together, or where people who already know each other and are already dating go to for fun together. Even many people who go alone, go there just to meet other people who drink, dance, play pool, and just do that, together, with people they meet - with no further expectation of dating or relationships.

Odds are if you approached a woman at random, you may be interrupting her with her friends or date - or at the very least, she just wanted someone to get drunk with or play pool with, but not necessarily "get to know you better", so while she's trying to have fun getting sloshed and singing "Killing me softly" out of key, you're trying to recruit her for a relationship she didn't even want.

But sure, it must be cos y'all ain't rich and sexy enough...

I think this nicely summarises bar culture Even if you do like Frasier and go to Cheers every day of your life and know the names of all the bartenders and regulars it wont matter much. There are upmarket bars in most capital cities but same story,

There's also coffee shops and book shops and I think a lot men have this idea that there's a pretty single girl who whose reading some artsy novel waiting for them to chat them up, But alas they really are there for the book.

So what does that leave our intrepid young man? dating apps.

Women experience a lot of harassment on dating apps (and elsewhere), so they are wary of and unlikely to go for anyone who makes them uncomfortable. It’s no wonder that fewer women use apps overall:

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads ... nd%20older

Excellent point:
I think self-reflection is a good idea. If a person is struggling to find a partner, they might want to consider whether there’s something they could work on, change, or adjust. Working towards personal goals can make a person more attractive because it could demonstrate a certain amount of humility among other things.

It may seem like a subtle distinction, but when I wrote "Be you" I did not mean it in the usual sense of "Just be yourself." I agree with both cyberdad and uncommondenominator that just being yourself in the sense of opening up the spigot and letting it all spill out is not advisable. When people hear "be yourself" it sounds to them like you should just let all your dirty laundry come out, because someone will appreciate it, when that is simply not the case. At the very least, and especially at first, you should try to lead with your best traits and at the bare minimum be polite, considerate, and show that you are paying attention to the other person's wishes and that you are listening to them.

What I was referring to is that you can't try to turn yourself into another person because you think that women taken as a whole will usually prefer a person like that (like the one described in the video, for instance). There is only one woman who needs to like you, and you can and must (because you have no other choice) be the person that you are and show your true self in order to attract that one woman who is right for you. But that doesn't mean be boorish or boring! You can be you and still exercise basic etiquette and consideration.

That's some of what I did. I also tried to figure out what my relationship strengths were, what type of women would appreciate those qualities, & then thought about where I could find those types of women & how I could better show/advertise those qualities to them.

I'm very boring but instead of trying to make myself more interesting, I tried to find the type of women who could relate or appreciate that in a partner.

It seems like it worked out for you. Being proactive is a smart move.

I'd say it did but it did take me a long time to figure that approach out. I realize lots of things now that I didn't most of the time I was single which contributed to me struggling so much to find someone I was given lots of various advice but it seemed contradictory & I was confused about how to implement it like the just be yourself line. I wasn't getting or I was not processing the paragraph to explain that bee33 gave.

There are different ways of being boring and different things that are considered boring by some people and not others. A lot of people think that someone talking nonstop about their special interest is boring, in part because people usually like to have their chance to talk too, but if someone's special interest is fascinating (to me) I personally don't find that to be boring. But if someone talks nonstop about random and uninteresting and bland things then I might find that boring. I guess it comes down to trying to be sensitive to your audience. I doubt that I would find you boring.

And what you are saying here is just what I was trying to get across: find the person who likes your traits.

Some people may have things they’d want (or even need) to work on in order to find someone. Having goals for self-improvement might be helpful for people who are struggling to find partners or even just in general. If someone is extremely shy, they might need to work on improving their social skills, lessening their social anxiety, and gradually branching out. If someone is making people of the opposite sex uncomfortable, they might need to figure out why and work on it. We’re all different, so there’s lots of possibilities.

If your constantly shy and awkward when women approaches you with interest will you eventually run out of chances?