Mixed messages
Canadian Freedom Lover
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 16 Dec 2022
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 194
Location: Vancouver Canada
I'm getting some mixed messages from a girl that I met a while ago and I was wondering if I could get some insight into why she may be acting the way she is.
A little background on how I met this person. I was at a roadside freedom rally in late March of this year. I was on a pedestrian island in the middle off the road waving my Canadian flag to attract attention and honks. While I was standing on the on the island with my flag over my shoulder a young Indian girl approached me and asked me what myself and my fellow freedom fighters were doing and why we were here. I explained that we were protesting government corruption and over taxation, to my surprise she actually found this interesting. The girl said to me that in India there is quite a lot of corruption and that she was surprised that this was happening in Canada also. Anyways, we keep on talking about various subjects including that she was from Punjab and that she was studying here in Canada. While I was talking to her I got the feeling that she was flirting with me, she was smiling and joking with me while making a lot of eye contact. So at the end of the conversation I asked her for her phone number and she gladly gave it to me. A day or so later I texted her to express how much I enjoyed talking with her, she said that she enjoyed talking with me also. At the end of this text conversation I asked her out to lunch and she said yes. This date was pending her schedule changing for work so when she gave me the heads up that she wasn't able to make it at that time I wasn't too disappointed. She was keen on rescheduling but over the next few weeks became more and more distant. Now I know some young women can have a tendency to be fickle when it comes to potential romantic/sexual partners, but the rate at quickly girl changed from fawning over me to having completely no interest astonished me. So, I did what any sane man would do in this situation and deleted the text conversation on my phone and went on with my life. Well here is the twist, I have seen this girl walk buy our rally about 2 or 3 times since and she always smiles and says hello and asks how I am doing. I assume that this is just making polite conversation to passers-by but the funny thing is that she always turns around to check me out once she gets to the crosswalk. It's just bizarre and it happened to me again today. So what do you think it is? Is just being polite / nice or is she maybe trying to garner attention from me as a source of male validation?
Anyways, thanks for reading this insanely long post, and I look forward to reading people's responses.
Canadian Freedom Lover
Last edited by Cornflake on 03 Oct 2024, 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.: Defanged a sexist generality
Canadian Freedom Lover
Seriously?
I'd guess she wants to reaffirm your interest and you're not biting.
Next time she sees you, light up like Las Vegas and buy her a coffee
DuckHairback
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Joined: 27 Jan 2021
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,415
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I'd say you're wasting your time looking for an explanation. Humans do all sorts of weird things for all sorts of weird reasons. If one is acting in a way that confuses you, unless you ask them directly what's going on, you'll never know. And even if you do ask you don't know they'll answer honestly. And even if they do answer honestly, how do you know they understand their own motivations well enough to be honest with themselves? You're on a hiding to nothing.
I'd say put it in a box labelled 'mysteries', continue being polite if you see her around and move on.
And try not to fall into the trap of thinking it's an example of women being typically awful. A couple of your comments suggest you're inclined to think that way. It won't serve you well.
_________________
Please don't spoil my day, I'm miles away...
Some Nice Girls™ will say 'yes' because they seem to believe saying 'no' would make them appear rude and stuck-up. So they say 'yes' and then cancel later instead ("No hard feelings, right?") and come off looking like a flake. They may repeat this until it finally dawns on you that they are simply not interested.
Next time you see her, just smile, wave, say nothing, and go right back to what you were doing.
_________________
Why does what you are protesting require a Canadian flag? are you a nationalist (no judgement, just asking).
My wife is Indian and I know a thing or two about Punjab culture. they are broadly speaking quite conservative and she may be interested in you but her parents have husband already hand picked. Hence why she is fickled. Indian women from the north of India are also quite forward so she may just be curious about you and isn't concerned she is coming across. She may be also trying to have some fun before she is married off.
Next time you see her, just smile, wave, say nothing, and go right back to what you were doing.
Fnord has a point. Attractive women often bemoan the fact that any sort of friendliness towards a man is almost always taken to imply romantic interest.
BTW you should probably find another interest besides politics. Libertarian groups like yours mostly attract men. You should try to find something that interests women.
Why does what you are protesting require a Canadian flag? are you a nationalist (no judgement, just asking).
My wife is Indian and I know a thing or two about Punjab culture. they are broadly speaking quite conservative and she may be interested in you but her parents have husband already hand picked. Hence why she is fickled. Indian women from the north of India are also quite forward so she may just be curious about you and isn't concerned she is coming across. She may be also trying to have some fun before she is married off.
It would seem to be a Libertarian group and such groups typically appeal to patriotism.
When she looks at you, her intent might not be to check you out. It could be due to any number of reasons, including feeling uncomfortable for some reason which she tries to hide by being friendly. Could something in your interactions have made her uncomfortable that you know of? Sometimes it’s hard to pick up on that sort of thing. It could explain some of her other behavior, though. When I’m feeling uncomfortable, I’m typically less-inclined to reject someone outright.
My ex thought a sales clerk was checking him out in a grocery store a few years ago. She didn’t know we were together. He bought something, checked out and left. The clerk seemed friendly and polite to him as she typically was to customers although, being in my own little world, I wasn’t really paying close attention to the interaction. When I purchased an item immediately afterwards, the young woman said to me: “He was really scary.”
“Yeah, I know,” I earnestly replied.
When I got out of the store, my ex gloated: “Did you see the way she was checking me out?”
Feeling uncomfortable is just one possibility. As Duck said, people do weird things for any number of reasons. Sometimes it’s impossible to figure those reasons out.
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Exit, pursued by a bear. – stage direction from The Winter’s Tale
Canadian Freedom Lover
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 16 Dec 2022
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 194
Location: Vancouver Canada
I'd say put it in a box labelled 'mysteries', continue being polite if you see her around and move on.
And try not to fall into the trap of thinking it's an example of women being typically awful. A couple of your comments suggest you're inclined to think that way. It won't serve you well.
I agree I'm not going to waste energy pursuing someone who is acting in an ambiguous manner. I don't to play games. I was just curious, thats why made this post. And no I don't think anything negative about her, she was nice to me the whole time we talked. I am just disappointed that she lost interest before we could have gone on a date.
Canadian Freedom Lover
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 16 Dec 2022
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 194
Location: Vancouver Canada
Next time you see her, just smile, wave, say nothing, and go right back to what you were doing.
Yes thats exactly what I've been doing. It still hurts. I wish people would be more direct. I would never do that to a girl if she expressed interest in me. I would take up pretty much anyone on their offer to go on a date because it takes a lot of guts to ask someone out. The only reason I would say no is if I got a crazy vibe or if I was completely physically unattracted to her.
Canadian Freedom Lover
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 16 Dec 2022
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 194
Location: Vancouver Canada
Why does what you are protesting require a Canadian flag? are you a nationalist (no judgement, just asking).
My wife is Indian and I know a thing or two about Punjab culture. they are broadly speaking quite conservative and she may be interested in you but her parents have husband already hand picked. Hence why she is fickled. Indian women from the north of India are also quite forward so she may just be curious about you and isn't concerned she is coming across. She may be also trying to have some fun before she is married off.
To answer your first question. I would call myself a patriot as opposed to being called a nationalist but that's a matter of taste, I am not sure what the difference is.
Why would someone be curious about me and not concerned about how they may come off?
And also if she is looking for fun I'm her guy. There's nothing I'd like more than a quick romp in the sheets with her hahaha.
Canadian Freedom Lover
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 16 Dec 2022
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 194
Location: Vancouver Canada
Next time you see her, just smile, wave, say nothing, and go right back to what you were doing.
Fnord has a point. Attractive women often bemoan the fact that any sort of friendliness towards a man is almost always taken to imply romantic interest.
BTW you should probably find another interest besides politics. Libertarian groups like yours mostly attract men. You should try to find something that interests women.
Well I certainly didn't become a libertarian to get girls if that's what your implying. These are values that I hold passionately and it's also become a bit of a hobby over the years. But yes I agree conservative / libertarian groups would be a stupid place to look for a date, most of the members are 50+.
Canadian Freedom Lover
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 16 Dec 2022
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 194
Location: Vancouver Canada
My ex thought a sales clerk was checking him out in a grocery store a few years ago. She didn’t know we were together. He bought something, checked out and left. The clerk seemed friendly and polite to him as she typically was to customers although, being in my own little world, I wasn’t really paying close attention to the interaction. When I purchased an item immediately afterwards, the young woman said to me: “He was really scary.”
“Yeah, I know,” I earnestly replied.
When I got out of the store, my ex gloated: “Did you see the way she was checking me out?”
Feeling uncomfortable is just one possibility. As Duck said, people do weird things for any number of reasons. Sometimes it’s impossible to figure those reasons out.
I don't know why I would make her uncomfortable. I haven't made any advances towards her in months. I stopped talking to her when I was sure that she was not interested.
I agree with Duck and twighlight on one level, people are individuals and have their own idiosyncrasies. So her curiosity could be due to anything, But given she opened up about being "Punjabi" means this identity is a core part of whom she is and her personal identity. Otherwise why would she mention it (Indians normally just say they are from India) I would (when you see her) give her lowkey vibes you want to go out for a coffee. If for no other reason to see how things transpire. Nothing gained nothing lost.
Canadian Freedom Lover
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 16 Dec 2022
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 194
Location: Vancouver Canada
I agree with Duck and twighlight on one level, people are individuals and have their own idiosyncrasies. So her curiosity could be due to anything, But given she opened up about being "Punjabi" means this identity is a core part of whom she is and her personal identity. Otherwise why would she mention it (Indians normally just say they are from India) I would (when you see her) give her lowkey vibes you want to go out for a coffee. If for no other reason to see how things transpire. Nothing gained nothing lost.
Well clarify I asked her if she was Punjabi. She said "oh yes, how did you know" I replied with "just a lucky guess, most Indian people around here are Punjabi".
Is She sikh? turban dudes? anyway no harm in asking again. When I was your age I basically thought asking multiple girls for a coffee was a good way to network.