Worried I'll end up alone and everyone else coupled off

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chris1989
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27 Oct 2024, 5:29 pm

I don't know whether it is the autism that is kicking whenever I get thoughts of feeling inadequate around people I may see in real life or on social media, who maybe are the same age as me or a bit younger, got married and have got kids or find myself at times finding it hard coming to terms that my sister has a four old who I sometimes interact with but sometimes when he is being hyper, having tantrums and so, I find him annoying which then makes me also feel quite bad like I'm not being very nice as an uncle. I don't know if its just the changes that have gone on and I am still not used it.

I also seem to feel as though there probably more people between 30 and 35 who have kids and married than there are with people between 25 and 30, and feeling that if I were to go to some singles group for young adults, most will be in their 20s and won't be interested in me because I might be the eldest or one of the eldest and would prefer to only date someone the same age as themselves or a few years younger or older than them.



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Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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29 Oct 2024, 11:22 pm

chris1989 wrote:
[....] feeling that if I were to go to some singles group for young adults, most will be in their 20s and won't be interested in me because I might be the eldest or one of the eldest and would prefer to only date someone the same age as themselves or a few years younger or older than them.


I think a lot more women are interested in men who are older than they are, as opposed to younger than they are. So in my mind, you have an advantage, in that regard.

I only know 2 married couples where the woman is older than the man, and in those cases, she's older by *months*, not years. (I do know 1 cohabiting couple where she is *years* older than he is; marriage is an unknown at this point.) I know several married couples where the man is older than the woman, and in one case, he's 15+ years older (they married when she was 30-ish).

My barely-under-20 autistic daughter is feeling called to marriage and family, and I am encouraging her to give guys a chance who are 1-2 years younger than she is, all the way up to 10+ years older than she is. Historically, and in many cultures around the world, a man being 5- to 15- years older than his wife is expected.

All of that to say, give the singles group a chance. You are not "too old" for women in their 20s.



Mikurotoro92
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29 Oct 2024, 11:50 pm

My boyfriend David is older than me (10+ years) and we are engaged to get married!! !

You are NOT too old!



Escape1894
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30 Oct 2024, 12:17 am

I get it. It’s frustrating to see others have success with relationships while you’re the only one who’s never been in one. It’s exactly the same case for me as well. But the truth is, some people are just meant to be single. They are simply a little too different for everybody. There’s nobody compatible with them. I have no problem admitting I’m one of these individuals. It’s very strange feeling realizing but I’m tryin to get used to it as much as I can.



Nades
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30 Oct 2024, 8:06 am

People end up on the dating market all the time and at any age. Marriages and relationships break down at any moment.

My current GF left her last marriage a year ago at the the age of 29. I'm almost the same age as you too.



Mikurotoro92
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31 Oct 2024, 12:55 am

Even though I am not yet married I know enough about marriage to understand how it works and operates

A marriage is like a car

The husband & wife are the engine

Without the engine the car cannot run!! !

If the "engine" (husband and wife) breaks down so too does the "car" (marriage!)



Carbonhalo
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31 Oct 2024, 1:01 am

I wonder what "oil" would represent in this analogy



Mikurotoro92
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31 Oct 2024, 1:11 am

Carbonhalo wrote:
I wonder what "oil" would represent in this analogy


Hmm...

Perhaps "oil" in the context of marriage would be all the stuff a husband and his wife do to constantly maintenance their relationship (date nights, sex, other activities)?