Meeting the Family

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Well I've been dating a girl for just over a year now, which is my only successful relationship I've had. Every other one has been a disaster. So there's been a lot of "firsts" with this girl, and time after time I find myself avoiding situations which most people wouldn't have any problems with.

For example: meeting the family. It was quite some time before I brought her home, it was quite nerve racking. Since then she's met my family a couple of times (I live quite the distance from them). However there's been a few situations where I have gone home w/o her since then and she has a hard time understanding why I want to do these things alone.

I have a family event this coming weekend, all of my family will be there. I don't want to spend the day introducing her to everyone of them. I just want to go, see my family, have some fun. I have been introducing her to the family slowly, first she met my parents, then another time my siblings, then the next time my grandparents...

I think the root of this "issue" I have stems from the fact that I went the first 20 some-odd years of my life single, and now things like these seem so foreign and unnatural to me. Both her and my family don't understand that it's not them, it's me. I'm very independent and prefer to do things on my own -- that's just the way I've always done it. Even after a year it feels incredibly weird for me to be in a relationship and I often find myself needing space. She's pretty good at giving me a "night off" here and there, without raising too much of a fuss, but I know that getting away this weekend w/o her for this family thing will likely make her feel left out and hurt.

Does anyone relate or have any suggestions on how to handle this matter?

I felt the exact same way when I was seeing my ex-girlfriend. I have never really had a girlfriend before, and everything was totally new to me. When we were seeing each other, she wanted me with her all the time, and wanted to do everything together(which is what most normal people do I guess), and I would need my alone time to re-energize. Her and her family didn't quite get this either. They thought that I was either seeing someone else, I was only in it for the sex, or that I didn't like kids (another story altogether).

She never came home with me to meet my family, and I probably wouldn't want her to either. I'm like you, in that it takes some time getting used to, being that I had been single for all those years, along with the fact that my family is very dysfunctional (mental heath problems, personality disorders). Also, being that I never dated anyone before, they would have probably imbarrassed the crap out of me.

Needless to say this was not a very good relationship. With my problems, and her mother's and her's (both NPD I think), this only lasted about 8 months.

If I was to do it again, which I'm not sure I can or want to, I would be totally honest and up-front with my issues (if they are the caring and understanding type). If they have problems with it, I don't think they are the right one.

Well I ended up telling her about the event and she had offered to drive separately since her work schedule meant she couldn't stay. She also said if I wanted to go on my own that was fine and she'd understand. Just when I thought "Great! This girl really doest get me." So I told her that I was thinking it'd be best to go myself, then she got all quiet and didn't talk for 15 minutes and then I asked her if she was upset but of course she wouldn't admit it.

This just goes to show how girls never say what they mean or what they're thinking and honestly I sometimes swear they lay out traps for us guys. And me, being socially inept, I just walk right into them full speed.

It seems a bit like that sometimes, doesn't it! I don't know if it's a general guy thing, or more an AS thing though.

I get particularly frustrated with people that "fish" for things (like sympathy). They just tell you that (for instance) their arm is really sore, and watch you to see your response. They seem to get frustrated back when they don't get a response (or not the one they're after).

Unfortunately I don't have any helpful advice for you - sorry...