Compromising to dating

Post Reply New Topic

When I was 17 in college I got into a debate with my mom about my unwillingness to dating people I am not attracted to. My mom said in regards to that "Some people are willing to compromise"

Do you think my mother made a fair point or not?

I'm thinking your mother could have expanded on her statement

Yes, she made a fair point. Nobody is truly a perfect match.

Seriously?

Why would you worry about this when it happened so long ago?

I think what she may have been saying is that some people will date people they aren't completely attracted to for
the sake of being in a relationship. Maybe they are lonely and feel a need to be with someone.

That is all fine in theory but the problem arises when something else does not arise.

You see, lack of attraction is a serious problem for a male, because it means he cannot perform, and will not enjoy the act of sex.

It is not as big a deal for the female, because she can just lie there, and think about what she is going to cook for dinner. So for a female, attraction to the male is not as important, she can get by and choose a mate based on material comforts, and that has been the traditional motive.

Right, because women only lie there during sex and cook all the meals./s

This ain’t the 1950s.

Women like sex as much as men do. If I’m just lying there thinking about what I’m cooking for dinner, then (continued) sex is a no go.

Arousal is a big deal for men, women, and any other gender. Sex when a woman isn’t turned on can happen, but it doesn’t feel good and may even hurt.

Given that women can provide for themselves these days, “material comforts” are also not so high up on our lists of priorities. I’m speaking in a general sense. As with any other gender or demographic, our preferences vary drastically from person to person, but in general, we care less about that than is often believed.

I think sometimes people unnecessarily limit their options. For instance, if you think you’re only attracted to someone with a certain hair color, you could miss out on someone great for you who has a different hair color.

That’s an extreme example, but it does work like that sometimes. Do you think your standards were unnecessarily limiting when you were 17? Sometimes TV can make us have unrealistic expectations when it comes to stuff like body type or whatever else.

There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to whoever you’re attracted to (within reason), but it could unnecessarily limit your options if you’re too rigid about it. That’s where adjusting your expectations could lead to more happiness overall.

^^^Good points.

I've noticed that some things I'm attracted to & not attracted to has changed throughout my life. It's probably at least partly related to me getting various life experiences & perhaps learning, growing, & maturing. Some characteristics I used to find attractive till I got in a relationship with someone who had those & I had major problems handling it & those things then kinda became turn-offs. On the flip-side I thought I disliked certain things but after getting in a relationship with someone who had those or some of my various interests changing a little(like hobby & entertainment related things), I realize those things are positives & can be quite attractive. Perhaps it's context dependent for me. I noticed I can be attracted to some seemingly opposite physical features & personality trains in different people. When I was single a major priority for me was if the woman acted nice towards me or if I thought she potentially could like if we've gotten to know each other.

Sometimes if you know somebody is attracted to you, you might feel attraction to them, even if you weren't attracted to them at first sight.

It seems like most things in life involve some kind of compromising so I do not get why compromising with dating or in a relationship is so controversial What happens in your daily life if you & your partner do not want the exact same thing at exactly the same time like if your going out to eat together & you want to eat at different places or if you want to hear different types of music while your riding in the car together, or you want to go on your date at different times? Moving in together & having kids or not involve much bigger compromises than being with a partner your not entirely 100% attracted to.

I think your mum should have elaborated a little more.

It's not uncommon for older guys in relationships to have performance problems & yet plenty of them stay married & love their wives in other ways. Plus almost every time I watch TV I see commercials for meds that help guys perform & one of them is a cream that does not require a prescription.