How important is intelligence...

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Intelligence is majorly important imo.
Also emotional intelligence/maturity... goes hand in hand.

I disagree.

I've known plenty of really intellectually smart people who haven't an emotional clue and/or are otherwise jerks.

Aye. Especially among aspies, I'd
guess that's common.

After thinking about my post I realise how some of it may have come across as a nasty generalisation even though I know deep down that I am not like that. I am very stressed at the moment so that probably does not help. I fell asleep at 10pm haha. Anyways!

I am quite sure that I could find someone interesting to me eventually as my AS is very mild it seems compared to others here. The thing is that lately I have been rejecting the ideal NT philosophy if you could really call it that. I guess I just feel spoiled by coming here to WP and being extremely well understood for the most part. I suppose also it has removed a lot of my need to seek out the same understanding in the real world or get excited about a person that I KNOW is going to need a lot of time and effort to align with my page.

Of course there's a big difference between education and intelligence which is why I am studying two degrees at university right now. I think that it will ultimately open the door for a relationship with someone who really knows what they are on about and have their thoughts assembled in a straight line. I personally don't really care if my partner likes reading certain types of things that I don't, and I hope they are able to do the same for me. There are other things that can bond two people together besides taste in books...

I am the same.

Yeah, when your with someone its the whole - how much you have in terms of bottom-line common ground - not so much the like interests always as much as an ability to see and specifically feel each other eye to eye. Conversation, while one definite aspect, is still one aspect of many.

I don't get it.

If you recognize the (huge) gap that often exists between education and intelligence, why do you expect to find the intelligent partner you seek in the formal education system?

As for the books. . . I'd never require that a guy read all the stuff I read. . . (although if he's willing to read a variety of my favorites to better understand me, well, that's incredibly charming. Happened once. . . ) The more important thing is that he respect- and to some degree be able to follow- the things that are important to me.

This is essential if he's not going to get in the way of my becoming who I want to become. . . which is one of the things I'd most find prerequisite to a relationship. I'd expect to need to provide the same back for him. . .

That was my thought as well. I'd be interested in the answer.

Of course, I'm biased, since I had a very ugly experience in the university system and dropped out on principle. I have absolutely zero faith that a degree (outside the hard sciences and medical field) imparts much useful knowledge at all. Insofar as men go, I've likewise noticed no connection between their educational level and my level of interest in them.

The most intelligent man I ever dated (in terms of IQ) is the one I remember least fondly (aside from the sociopath ). I am fairly certain he was an undiagnosed aspie as well. He certainly had his good points and we had some very delightful conversations on occasion. But he had a very low self esteem, which he covered with a thick layer of pride. He was generally willing to sacrifice me in order to boost himself up--by this I mean he refused to discuss topics I knew more about, belittled my accomplishments, never complimented me on anything, etc. He was determined to feel superior to everybody else on the planet--myself included. When I broke up with this guy, he cried really hard and was openly distraught for months... but he never showed any sign of that sort of attachment while we were dating, by being there for me when I needed him or letting me know in any way that I was valued. It was all about him and his big brain.

I can't see myself with a deliberately ignorant or dull-witted man, either.

I suppose I tend to be most interested in men who are very intelligent but don't define themselves by that fact, nor feel that they are members of some superior race. More important than raw IQ is a sense of connection and shared experiences. I generally gravitate (instinctually) toward men who have suffered in similar ways as myself, most especially in childhood. I am not sure why this is, especially as I seem to sense it before really "knowing" a guy. Whatever this quality would be called, it seems to be indispensable to me. Perhaps it brings a bit of uncommon wisdom with it, though that seems egotistical to suggest.

I agree, but I'm going to a pretty terrible college. Outside of Math, Music and some Computer Science... it's a big waste of time. I took a intro to philosophy course... it was really dumbed down... and people still complained.

If someone has a Math degree... or Physics... or Chemistry... they instantly are a little more interesting to me.

Business... or Communications... or Womens Studies... pass...

With most people I have to dumb-down my speech, or they think I'm deliberately trying to bowl them over with my vocabulary. It makes talking much more difficult than it has to be.

Given that part of the point of having a relationship is being comfortable with someone, I wouldn't want to be with someone who made me analyze every word for number of syllables and common usage before I said it.

Heh, I bowl people over with vocabulary and trip over my own words... they think that I'm... handicapped.

At best I get a slight... "good for you... forming those big words... that's cute... "

Oh my... could I be wrong!? lol kidding joking arrogance.
Alright sure thing. I have little experience in the dating world but I feel I'm doing a thumping good job in it. Still sometimes lack of experience shows like...

Most schools really are this way.
The liberal arts are NOT meant to
be the default catch all, which they
tend to be. People are usually forced
to take the courses, because of gen
ed. requirements, and have little interest.

The real problem is that college has become
the sine qua non for getting a decent job, so
it's become more of a job prep than anything
else. Once, one went for the love of learning.
Now, given that there aren't too many jobs which
really desire a liberal arts background, BUT many
which just insist that you walk in with some degree,
many students gravitate towards departments which
seem 'easier', even though they don't have the great
love of the subject necessary - probably a greater love
than is required for scientific studies.

I assume you are asking what I hope gain from formal education in terms of a partner in future?

Pretty much with my NT ex, we started on even ground. I met her in the last year of highschool and we were together for 4yrs. She is incredibly mathematically intelligent (I am not) and was studying Astrophysics at university. She was by no means geeky looking or particularly odd in anyway. Definately cute looks and brains.

All the while as she was studying and could feel the disparity between us grow as a result. I did some college and then a very focussed short course to learn my current profession (3D Modelling Artist) and then I started working fulltime. All the while my gf was in the same degree.

Things were truly exceptional between us up until the last year of the relationship. We were clearly growing off in different directions and there was nothing that could be done about it in the short term. We broke up in the most mutual way possible.

Thinking back about it, once I learned of AS, I realised that everything she liked about me was either what NTness I have in me and some of the ASD traits. The only and major things she disliked were things that I can't help and are AS specific. You can imagine my delight at making such a discovery She wanted me to be more social and "share" our lives together. She had all sorts of constructed ideals about the relationship that were independant of who I was quite often. I was often frustrated because she would never believe me when I told her, no I'm not like other guys. I would never do this or that (behaviour she feared like cheating). Definately a lot of stubborness and lack of willingness to see things in a light other than her own.

Our general intelligence was about dead even. However she was less able to feel attracted to me as her education increased. I don't hold this against her. This is a very natural phenomonen and you will hear it echoed by many other intelligent people.

The truth is that for a relationship between a man and a woman to have a high success probability, there are a some combination of conditions that need to be met.

Man similar general IQ + Woman similar general IQ = High success probability
Man similar general IQ and highly educated + Woman similar general IQ = High success probability
Man similar general IQ and highly educated + Woman similar general IQ and highly educated = High success probability ( As long as by sheer nature of education there is no major clash )
Man similar general IQ + Woman similar general IQ and highly educated = Low success probability
Man with significantly lower IQ + Woman with significantly higher IQ = Low success probability

And finally to answer what I think your question is! I am not necessarily looking for a woman that will be as highly qualified as I am. I just realise that if I am to have any long term chance with a smart cookie that I should at least be on even ground or higher. But definately not lower, because this is unattractive to them in general.

I want someone I can talk to about a wide variety of subjects. I also want someone who will understand my love of cats and animals and someone who, like me, grew up in a family who has owned pets.

Oh actually I worded that badly. What I meant was for importance they go hand in hand.