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dongiovanni
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02 Sep 2007, 11:37 pm

Am I the only person who finds the majority of convention unnecessary and unattractive? I'll break this down for ease of understanding.

Small talk
To me, this is inconsequential conversation reflecting either a person's lack of interest in things of consequence or lack of comfort in speaking about said things. Both of these I find particularly unappealing. I am of the firm belief that Politics and Religion are IDEAL conversation topics for a person you just met: what faster way to learn about a person? If disagreement in this issues collapse the relationship now, they would collapse it later. (This may be the debater in me coming out.)

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein

Unwritten Rules of Labels
These are highly impractical and inconsistent. Labels are mostly meaningless. The only value they have is to mark where a relationship is for both people. This could be much more effectively achieved by explaining their emotions in plain language than by assigning an ambiguous label.

"Ambiguity only causes me more pain." - Shinji Ikari in "The End of Evangelion"

Other Social Put-offs
What the hell is so bad about being passionate and knowledgeable about one's interests? To me that is an immensely positive aspect of one's character (I invoke the old saying "Jack of all trades, master of none."). As far as stimming goes, why would that put a person off so badly? It's uncommon, most definitely, but why does that make a person worthy of alienation? Moreover, if a person is willing to alienate you for mild rocking or fidgeting, are they even a worthwhile person? I would argue that they are not as their close-minded nature does not allow them to accept anything outside of the neurotypical 100 I.Q. archetype.

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars... " - Jack Kerouac

That's my rant. People should not expect us to be neurotypical; they should love our autism and see its beauty. I would not ever wish to be neurotypical. Despite a rough social childhood, I hold to the fact that AS is a central and inconceivably valuable part of my persona. (What? You're accepting this issue. We must flood you with misguided psychiatry and education.)

I would like to end this post by acknowledging that there are several neurotypical people out there whose theory of mind can completely encompass that of a person with AS. To them, autistic traits are valuable. Some even seek us out as they believe that we have something worthwhile to contribute. Moreover, neurotypical people are acknowledging the social progress brought on by AS (I sight the classical music community's love of Glenn Gould. George Szell once exclaimed, "That nut is a genius."). So hope does remain. I encourage all not to fight your autistic tendencies, but to embrace them and show the world what we're made of. Viva la révolution.



Last edited by dongiovanni on 03 Sep 2007, 12:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

calandale
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02 Sep 2007, 11:50 pm

Small talk serves one purpose,
which is to allow people who
know one another fully to make
noises, without rehashing the same
conversations again and again.



INTERNET
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03 Sep 2007, 12:44 am

haha

oh wow



wow



dongiovanni
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03 Sep 2007, 12:53 am

INTERNET wrote:
haha

oh wow



wow


What is being wowed?



nb411
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03 Sep 2007, 1:13 am

dongiovanni wrote:
INTERNET wrote:
haha

oh wow



wow


What is being wowed?


A really awesome squirrel outside the window I suspect.



gwenevyn
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03 Sep 2007, 1:16 am

Australians know what squirrels are?! :wink:


eta:

As for the OP, I think you would be served well to study the practical uses of small talk. I've had better luck in revolutionizing the way I regard small talk, as opposed to expecting others to conform to my own wishes on the issue. Even between aspies, small talk is useful to further the same ends.


dongiovanni wrote:
Unwritten Rules of Labels
These are highly impractical and inconsistent. Labels are mostly meaningless. The only value they have is to mark where a relationship is for both people. This could be much more effectively achieved by explaining their emotions in plain language than by assigning an ambiguous label.


Yes to this. In the past I have often protested the widespread misuse of vocabulary, as it weakens our ability to communicate succinctly and apply labels with precision. The method you describe is more practical and effective within the limits of our environment... to a point.


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Last edited by gwenevyn on 03 Sep 2007, 1:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

Quatermass
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03 Sep 2007, 1:20 am

Yes. We DO watch cartoons, y'know.


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On sabbatical...


INTERNET
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03 Sep 2007, 1:50 am

dongiovanni wrote:
INTERNET wrote:
haha

oh wow



wow


What is being wowed?


holy s**t


wow



dongiovanni
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03 Sep 2007, 1:57 am

INTERNET wrote:
dongiovanni wrote:
INTERNET wrote:
haha

oh wow



wow


What is being wowed?


holy sh**


wow


This is ineffective communication.



gwenevyn
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03 Sep 2007, 2:03 am

dongiovanni wrote:

This is ineffective communication.


:lol: That was perfection.


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dongiovanni
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03 Sep 2007, 2:07 am

gwenevyn wrote:
dongiovanni wrote:

This is ineffective communication.


:lol: That was perfection.


If this post is sincere then thank you.



gwenevyn
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03 Sep 2007, 2:15 am

dongiovanni wrote:
gwenevyn wrote:
dongiovanni wrote:

This is ineffective communication.


:lol: That was perfection.


If this post is sincere then thank you.


Yes, it was.


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03 Sep 2007, 3:37 am

One the one hand, my boyfriend & I are fortunate in holding very similar beliefs (or lack thereof) on big issues-on the other hand if we didn't have these in common, we'd likely not share other values/priorities & wouldn't have gotten together in the first place. So I'm in favor of being open about who one is, if one can find people with whom (and situation in which) it feels safe to do so.

dongiovanni wrote:
Am I the only person who finds the majority of convention unnecessary and unattractive? I'll break this down for ease of understanding.
Small talk
To me, this is inconsequential conversation reflecting either a person's lack of interest in things of consequence or lack of comfort in speaking about said things. Both of these I find particularly unappealing.

Agree, I find small talk boring, though what constitutes this depends on the person. Blathering on about my personal obsessions is of course interesting for me to engage in, but I've learned that other people then tend to find me boring.
dongiovanni wrote:
I am of the firm belief that Politics and Religion are IDEAL conversation topics for a person you just met: what faster way to learn about a person? If disagreement in this issues collapse the relationship now, they would collapse it later. (This may be the debater in me coming out.)

Yes to that, too-I'd rather get the airing of incompatible/irreconcilable viewpoints over with, to minimize potential for offense (in either direction, from me or towards me). Religion & politics are loaded issues, but I like to know where someone's coming from in these areas when conversing with them-they are important (in my opinion) preconceptions that clue me in on how a person's going to interpret me. In order to defend myself, I like to know when someone's going to be defining me (in his/her mind) according to a political or religious perspective that is antithetical to mine. Personally don't enjoy debating whatsoever (arguing, confrontation & disagreement induce great anxiety in me) but can't stand having to hide my reactions, either. Mostly I just avoid people, in general (because conflict's inevitable) & stick with a few familiar folks.


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nb411
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03 Sep 2007, 5:01 am

gwenevyn wrote:
Australians know what squirrels are?! :wink:


That's it! When you come on your grand holiday of Australia I am marching you straight off the plane and taking you to the closest Hungry Jacks where you will be fed an AussieBurger. There will be no wincing, no tears and no groaning. Just joyful munching! :lol:

Quote:
It's uncommon, most definitely, but why does that make a person worthy of alienation?


Well yeah. It's an external sign of low genetic fitness from the NT's point of view. It is intrinsic in people's nature to be unattracted to this behaviour. Regardless of whether it is a real problem of any consequence. Though when you think about it NTs in general don't do it, therefore they are correct to assume that something is different about you. People are all looking for same/same in relationships so it seems only natural that many of them would reject it.



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03 Sep 2007, 5:44 am

dongiovanni - I know what you mean!



Pandora
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03 Sep 2007, 6:17 am

girl7000 wrote:
dongiovanni - I know what you mean!
Yes indeed. I don't mind a bit of small talk but find it tricky to initiate. Unwritten rules are stupid - if they are so important, they should be written down. Of course, we might not agree with them then.


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