Getting aggravated with my girlfriend's stubbornness

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mikibacsi1124
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31 Aug 2007, 3:57 pm

I've been going out with my girlfriend for about a month and ahalf, and we've had a lot of of fun together. But lately some of her mannerisms have really bugged me and have caused me to exercise "tough love".

She has been telling her about her problems at her job (she works at a supermarket) for some time - how the managers abuse and harass her, and don't understand her needs. Well, lately its come to my attention that she displays a rather stubborn and passive attitude at work. She refuses to go to Human Resources and report the inappropriate behavior to the managers, fearing she'll be the one that gets in trouble. And what's more, I've found that she is consistently punches in late. She likes to blame it on her not having her license, and on her frequent need to use the bathroom, but she's usually at the store and finished with her "business" at least 5 minutes before her shift begins. But instead of heading towards the punch-clock at that point, she chooses to hang around in the cafeteria or talk to her mother who works in produce, and ends up punching in about 5 minutes after she's supposed to.

I get the feeling that this approach is part of the reason why the managers don't like her, and that this will only cause greater problems when she moves on to bigger jobs. So I feel inclined to get on her case about it, but she won't listen to me and she'll get mad at me for "yelling at" her and giving her an "attitude". And then I feel guilty because I'll realize that I sound a lot like my mom, and she sounds a lot like the way I react to my mom. I would always feel that my mom didn't understand me and was being too idealistic, and now I'm in the same position, not understanding why my girlfriend refuses to clock in on time. I thought we had reached an understanding last night, but today she wouldn't listen to me again, and later said she "doesn't listen to anyone" besides her managers.

So what should I do? Should I just back off and let her go about things her own way, facing the consequences? Or if I do continue to confront her about this, how should I go about it? In any case, I think a good girlfriend should at least put what her boyfriend says into consideration instead of completely shrugging him off.



TheMidnightJudge
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31 Aug 2007, 4:20 pm

It gets worse



Aridarr
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31 Aug 2007, 5:47 pm

Do you think it is possible that she behaves the way she does (stubborn and passive) at work because the managers abuse and harass her? I don't know how you would behave in such a situation, but if I worked in a place where I was treated badly, I wouldn't be a very productive worker either.

And if she is being treated badly and can't report it to Human Resources, maybe you should help her with that?



sinsboldly
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31 Aug 2007, 8:56 pm

mikibacsi1124 wrote:
And then I feel guilty because I'll realize that I sound a lot like my mom, and she sounds a lot like the way I react to my mom.



Bingo!

ok, we usually find relationships we can, well. . .RELATE to. you guys are acting out familiar situations and scenarios together that you have learned separately because it feels familiar to both of you.

you might not even have anything else in common, you know. you might end up supporting yourself AND her and yammering at each other for the rest of your life, not even knowing that you are both in a rut and whining about each other's behaviour.

If you didn't like that about your relationship with your mom, then you are not going to like it about your relationship with her either.

so, I guess I am telling you you have more than a problem with her willfully clocking in late. . .



jkrane
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01 Sep 2007, 1:36 am

no offense, but your girlfriend sounds pretty stupid.

lol. :roll: "I don't like my managers, so I'm going to sign in late! Ha! I totally got them back now"... :roll:

You should just dump her ass and move on. How old is she, 14? God damn is she ever stupid...and immature!

I guarantee you that no one is harassing her at work. They're probably saying something like "Oh that's a nice shirt," and then she calls that "harassment." Or, she's probably being a stupid emo b***h at work, which is why her managers don't like her in the first place.

Signing in late??! ! I don't get it.



Aridarr
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01 Sep 2007, 2:58 am

jkrane wrote:
no offense, but your girlfriend sounds pretty stupid.

lol. :roll: "I don't like my managers, so I'm going to sign in late! Ha! I totally got them back now"... :roll:

You should just dump her ass and move on. How old is she, 14? God damn is she ever stupid...and immature!

I guarantee you that no one is harassing her at work. They're probably saying something like "Oh that's a nice shirt," and then she calls that "harassment." Or, she's probably being a stupid emo b***h at work, which is why her managers don't like her in the first place.

Signing in late??! ! I don't get it.


Hey, hey, hey! I know you yourself have issues with women, but that wasn't very nice, or helpful. :?

I don't think that his girlfriend is signing in late "to get back" at her managers; it sounds like she is in emotional distress and can't cope with work.

And the other stuff you said was very rude and presumptuous. Firstly, "emo" is just a word that ignorant people use to describe depressives. Secondly, encouraging the OP to disregard his girlfriend's complaints; telling him that she is a liar; won't exactly help to solve his relationship problems.



Who_Am_I
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01 Sep 2007, 8:43 am

Tough love? What are you, her parent? (You probably didn't mean it that way but that is how it comes across to me.)


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mikibacsi1124
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01 Sep 2007, 3:55 pm

jkrane wrote:
no offense, but your girlfriend sounds pretty stupid.

lol. :roll: "I don't like my managers, so I'm going to sign in late! Ha! I totally got them back now"... :roll:

You should just dump her ass and move on. How old is she, 14? God damn is she ever stupid...and immature!

I guarantee you that no one is harassing her at work. They're probably saying something like "Oh that's a nice shirt," and then she calls that "harassment." Or, she's probably being a stupid emo b***h at work, which is why her managers don't like her in the first place.

Signing in late??! ! I don't get it.


Okay, she is nothing like that and I really don't appreciate the personal attacks on someone you don't even know, especially since I was asking for help. She is actually very calm at work, perhaps to a fault. The insults that she gets at work are along the lines of "you're useless and will amount to nothing in life". No, she doesn't punch in late as "revenge". And I agree that your usage of "emo" just smacks of ignorance.

Maybe she's not the most mature person ever, but neither am I, quite frankly. I have a better connection with her than I would with someone really mature and intelligent. And remember that the relationship is young - if it really is hopeless between us, I will realize it in plenty of time and just move on. Sometimes I do get that impression, but I feel it's too early to just give up.

And regarding Who_Am_I's post, that's precisely my concern - that I'm acting too much like a parent. I've decided for now that while I may offer suggestions, I'm not going to harp on anything. II don't "get it" either, but people don't "get" a lot of things about me either, so maybe I should just give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, I also prefer to learn from mistakes rather than being pushed away from doing the "wrong thing".

EDIT: I should also note that she has a nonverbal learning disability, and perhaps a mild case of ADHD.



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01 Sep 2007, 10:54 pm

If she does have mild ADHD, that could be part of the problem. She may not be able to stop things from distracting her, thus causing her to clock in late.


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Authentic cadence: V-I
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Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
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jkrane
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02 Sep 2007, 2:16 am

sorry about that dude, and everyone. I've just been really pissed off lately. There is this one girl that I want to call up and just scream swearwords and insults at. It takes a lot of my strength and energy not to do it. I took it out on you guys and girls, and I appologise.

I actually tried to hack into her MSN account and delete her contacts. That failed. I sent her an email posing as an MSN account security type person, adn that failed too.

School's not here yet, I'm sick of being home with no friends, no girl, and I truely am going crazy. The therapy's not working, the meds aren't working, and I'm ranting and raving like crazy.

I'm sorry about that. I was being a real dick.



sinsboldly
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02 Sep 2007, 2:18 am

hey, jkrane,

sorry you are having such a difficult time with someone you care so much about.

any bad feelings I had for you are gone, I thank you for your apology.

hope you start feeling better soon.

Merle