The Societal Conditioning about Marriage!! !

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I feel this is a MAJOR problem!

The messaging about if you aren't in a romantic relationship you are inadequate and a total failure of a person is very problematic because it places all your worth on having a partner instead of yourself

I feel that our music, movie and TV industries are feeding into this with all the songs, movies and shows that prop up & glorify marriage/love while putting down alternative life paths

An example is the song "Livin' on Love" by Alan Jackson which has a lyric that says:

"Without somebody nothing ain't worth a dime"

Which basically means that life is not worth living without a romantic partner!! !

We REALLY need to de-emphasize marriage and motherhood because as evidenced by right here on WP forums the brainwashing is hurting people!

What do you guys think?

Thanks in advance!! !

I agree, but unfortunately that's the way society is and will continue to be. If being single and childfree was shown more in a positive light in the media more people would feel comfortable with where they are in life.

But...what if society showed us the darker side of marriage and parenting?

Would that cause a complete breakdown of the marriage and motherhood institutions?!?

On a grander scale, that'll never happen.

This was a common theme in talkshows during the 90s & I think there was a court show called something like Divorce Court.

Read up on evolutionary psychology. It explains all of this. It isn't social conditioning, it is genetically programmed into our firmware back from our hunter gatherer days. Thank genetics for it. Same for making social comparisons.

Wait a minute...

Are you saying that we treat having a partner as a neccessity rather than a desire?

Because of remnants left over from our hunter-gatherer days?

And that necessity is what drives the desire to find love, get married and have children?

Interesting...

Was this a country song? Weren't alot of country singers conservatives and traditionalists about finding a romantic partner of the opposite sex an "obligated necessity"? (Alot of conservatives tend to be homophobic, as well. )

The old order is breaking down and the new one has not yet been established. These are painful times

I only want to get married because its the only way I can have sex in my religion. I think societal pressure to get married is a lot less if you are not religious.

I think it’s complicated.

Marriage is a social institution, but the desire to have fulfilling relationships and reproduce isn’t (or isn’t entirely or necessarily). I never wanted to get married but did so because I didn’t think I had a choice at the time given crazy circumstances involving religion which I won’t go into here, but my longing for a child was something else entirely. I think there was a strong biological component to it. It’s hard to describe.

One would think that I would’ve been socially conditioned to be pro-marriage, but I always thought it was stupid. I didn’t like going to weddings or being in weddings. Well, I enjoyed being a flower girl much more than a bridesmaid. One can’t play hide and go seek and crawl under tables at the reception dinner when one is a bridesmaid, generally speaking.

Wanting a baby was different. I didn’t have an idealized picture of what it would be like, either. I was present at a friend’s labor and delivery and saw it all - the ugly, the terrifying, and the beautiful. My son wasn’t exactly planned, and it was a coercive situation. However, giving birth and holding him for the first time was the biggest feeling I have ever felt. It’s somehow consistent with the longing I experienced the years before I had him. For me, baby fever started in young adulthood. I had wanted to have a few kids, but life didn’t go the way I wanted it to. I’m glad I just had one.

At any rate, it is true that some people do have an idealized sense of what marriage/relationships and parenthood are like. I think there’s often a combination of social conditioning and biological factors at work, not that that’s everyone’s experience. Marriage has been on the decline over the past few decades, and I think that’s related to people becoming less religious. Why marry when one can happily experience fulfilling romantic relationships without it? Well, there are certain legal benefits, but overall, I think a lot of people are deciding that it’s not worth it.

Not completely a necessity individually, but a necessity as a species. If no one did that 5000 years ago, none of us would be here today. The desire is there at different levels in almost all individuals. Part of it is due to culture, but a large part of it is genetically programmed.

Yes, it's a country song from the 90's

This is part of why I CANNOT STAND country music and why I gravitate to niche types of music like cartoon & video game!! !

I see a lot of our media like TV and mainstream music as subliminal messages (A.K.A societal conditioning)

That country song provides the PERFECT EXAMPLE of this!! !