struggling with dating

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i'll just give some general info, i'm currently in autistic burnout and recovering.
working only a few hours a week n stuff like that, i've been trying to get help with some training or something like that but it's just hard to come by even in the european health care system.
but i've always struggled with dating.
i dated 1 girl for 2 weeks, and had a RS from 3,5 years.
single for 1+ year now and i just hate dating the regular way.
i don't find any real enjoyment in hookups either.
but quite frankly i'm even surprised i managed to get hookups.

i'm only really socially active when i drink alcohol.

when i'm sober i struggle to start conversations and i just burn out too easily in social settings.

when i look at some of my other friends and see them starting convo's with women and doing the dance as in understanding the social cues and the body language i envy them a lot.

i can't bring myself to be that way.

even though i just want to date. and it's not even that i don't get eyes from girls either. my problem is just not being very able to lead a conversation, which surprisingly is what 75% of girls expect so i just avoid it entirely.

i want to learn how to cope with this s**t, but if i have to wait for professionals to help me i'll be here a while.

and yes, i have a fulfilling social life. but that doesn't mean loneliness can't persist through that.
i have friends (who almost force me) to go out with.

What stops you from talking to them when sober that doesn't stop you when you're drinking?

What do you mean by "cope with this s**t"?

O.K. I think you are looking for a girl friend. We are a little different then most people. If you are able to support a wife and someday provide support to raise a family, then why not accomplish this. So let me give you some rare advice.

In marriage, two people become one. They combine their skills together and produce a powerful team.

Open your world. We live on a planet with many different cultures, with a wide variety of people. They are all different. Some people live very well off, but many live at the bottom of the wealth spectrum, they live in absolute poverty. Many are hard working and have a fantastic set of skills. They may be poor but they are great people. You can travel to the far ends of the earth and somewhere out there is a girl who has your name written in her heart.

Perhaps it would help to try meeting women in different contexts than the typical bar/club/party alcohol type social scene. These are just a couple ideas I'll toss out there. In person & online support groups for people with autism, anxiety, depression, or other types of issues that you could relate to. Through a common interest in person or online. Asking your friends & family to try setting you up.

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling with this, Falcon. I honestly think that your biggest problem is exactly what you say in the very first sentence: you're burnt out. Everything is harder when you're burnt out. Including masking and dealing with social situations. I understand wanting to date, and wanting to be part of the social scene, but please don't push yourself too hard. You need time to heal and recover. You're going to continue to burn out very easily in social settings if you don't give yourself that grace.

As for your issue with conversing, your best bet is to practice that in lower stakes situations and slowly move upwards. Preferably without alcohol so you can learn how to do it without the crutch. Again, do not overdo it and burn yourself out further. The best things in your arsenal when it comes to leading conversation are listening and asking questions. The good news is that you don't actually have to talk a lot for a conversation to be led by you or considered successful. People usually like to talk about themselves. All you have to do is seem interested, actively listen, and ask questions to get to know them better. I'd suggest practicing first with lower stake strangers: like old people. They love to talk and they have the best stories. Then work your way up to women you're attracted to.

I hope things get better for you

Yes...listen to this!! !

Start from the bottom!! !

It's the only way to gain experience & confidence with dating!