Relationships and Obsession

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Do you find this to be a problem? You know, the constant thinking about them, the pain that you're not seeing them? Such sadness. Or perhaps this isn't an obsession (love?). I don't know, I'm very confused. Someone tell me something.

yep im doin that now to a chick who aint my GF i feel so guilty.

Yeah, feeling for someone who doesn't feel for you at all is basically the story of my life.

that would suck esspecially if u lov this person

For me, love isn’t an “obsession” in the autistic sense; since I fell away from hell I’ve still had my autistic obsession. In the past, every time I acquire a new obsession it replaces my old one.

It's probably a normal feeling: love is a pretty strong emotion -- perhaps the strongest [to me] as it overcomes my fear; love is the only thing that has done such.

are you supposed to be dating said person?

i think that this makes a huge difference. i have a tendancy towards obsessing about someone i am going out with, but i think in small doses it can be quite healthy if you channel it right.

Yeah, it hurts!

I've been there many times. I've also learned a few things.

We do tend to bark up the wrong tree, to try to force it. sometimes when we are dating someone and she wants t o love us back we worry things to death. It can seem like we can always ruin a good thing!

On the other hand, we can learn. And half the time when we are chasing after the beautiful Miss Wrong there is a lovely girl right there who would love to be with us if we would only give her the time of day!

and we can learn, we can begin to notice when somebody likes us. I'm a slow learner. It's helped me so much just recently to find out i am an aspie. One of the many things in Tim Page's article in the New Yorker about his life as an aspie that hit home for me was his tale of early heartbreak.

but like I said, i learned a few things. take heart! there's lots of hope!

i've found love more than once. ive even held on to it for a while, i have a son and a daughter from my late first wife.

i had an nt gf for 7 years off and on. and if i had known then what i know now i might have made that work, but that's alright, my kids never liked her, the first time she broke up i thought i could never find a gf again, i felt like such a loser, i had the worst meltdown of my adult life. oh and we got back together, we almost married, but it was like she accepted that i was such a sweet guy she was going to put up with my loser ways. I dumped her. she cried almost as much as i had.

now ive got a true love story going. we've been best friends for 15 years. i first met her when she was 17 and i was 27, 27 years ago! when i figured out that im an aspie and i told her about it she said she was diagnosed in high school. and she knew that i really really do accept and love her ways, and i do think everything is going to be alright. she loves me! and i mean she tells me that, over and over, in words. and she kisses me like she never kissed me before. i'm so excited, i feel like a virgin. i'm ready.

That would be called neediness I'm pretty sure. Being a lot more interested in them then they are in you.

It sure does.

Oh yeah. Big time. I've had several problems with being obsessed with girls in highschool, all through until now. I'm still just getting over my recent obsession. I came to terms with my denial, and I realized that she was jsut playing games with me and she wasnt really interested, just wasting my time. I had a 3-day meltdown, and I got really angry at her, and young women in general. I wanted to call her up and scream at her over the phone, but I didn't. It takes a lot of impulse control not to tell others how stupid and immature they are.

Finding out about Asperger's has helped me to finally see the difference between an obsession and actually wanting to be with someone because you have common interests and mesh well.

An obsession (at least for me) usually doesn't make any sense. You can't really say why you like them but all you do is think about them and pine over them. What are you really pining over though? You're pining over a construct you've created in your head because obsessions usually involve someone you don't actually know a damn thing about. It's a fantasy and the thing that keeps you stuck on them is wanting to know who they are; you end up making them into whatever you want them to be in your head.

When you know who someone is and want to be with them, it's different. There's more of a mellow feel to it. You actually just like being around them as they are. The pain of rejection is different too. It's not as sharp, but it cuts deeper. You feel this sadness because you actually met someone you thought you'd work with and they don't feel the same way.

I think because of this realization, I'm probably not going to develop obsessions much anymore. I found myself starting to develop one about a week ago but realized it was only an obsession as soon as I started thinking about the guy. I've only said three words to this guy before and don't know a thing about him. The reality kind of put a damper on it.

Story of my life...nuff said.

Thanks for the responses guys. Yes, I am dating her. It gets hard to maintain the balance between a controlled interest in the other person versus an uncontrolled obsession. I just didn't realise that obsessions went to people though if it is that). Perhaps I just need to get comfortable with this whole dating thing and cool my head a bit.

Yes I can climb onto this bandwagon too, and I think the advice here is excellent
I remember seeing that awful Endless Love as a teen and later reading the novel by Scott Spencer
I thought it was beautiful because I tend to love like that, I understand now that it isnt really socially acceptable and rather unusual

My Aspie husband is obsessed with my breasts!!

Helen

Of course he is, Helen! Lucky you!