When does it get better?

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So I've been feeling down and frustrated and trying to find a way to express things. I don't feel so bad right now and I just want to put it out there.

Being lonely in the romantic sense isn't something I always dwell on, but at times certain things happen that just get to me and makes be painfully aware of just how pathetic I am. I'm 26, going on 27 with still little to nothing in terms of dating experience. I hate being alone in this sense and I know a lot of guys here and elsewhere are like that too.

I want to try and put myself out there... but I just feel overwhelmed by the sense of intense competition out there where ever I go to look online. It becomes so much that I'm paralyzed from doing anything. I've tried and can't manage to go asking girls out in real life but I get too paranoid and get rejected again and again.

I don't like having to come across as whiny or desperate but it's damn hard not to when I feel like I'm living under a curse to always be alone. I have no one to share my life with and I feel like I'm dying inside because if it.

I've got hobbies and interests but they're just things to pass the time mostly, it's nothing that women are interested in(for the most part). My family thinks I'm good looking but that's meaningless when none of the women I meet in RL think so. I liked to think I'd make a pretty good to guy know but I don't even know anymore. Maybe I'm just not a good guy to be with at all.

I don't know what to do about any of this anymore. Where does one start to get better on this? When are things supposed to get better?

I'm in a similar state. It's not that I can't do anything socially with women... but nothing that I have ever developed to the point of asking someone out.

The problem for me, is that I need more information. I meet a woman that I converse with, and she seems to like me a little bit... she seems nice, but I'm still not sure if I want to risk it for her. I really don't know her yet.

Well since these windows of opportunity are so small, I don't get anywhere.

****Story Time****

There is one time, working at a summer job, I liked a girl; I got the gumption to talk with her. We get to talking, and she has the same religious views as I do. Great! So for a while we just talk and what not.

Comes time for a school dance, I ask her to go with me. Something I have never done before. She nicely rejects me, something about her Mom not wanting her to date.

I don't go to the Dance, but the night of the Dance I go out to Eat with my Grandparents. At the restaurant who do I see leaving? The very same girl with a guy...

Oh the story gets worse. Years later, in desperation I sign up for Eharmony. It's pretty much a waste of my time. Except I get someone in my own Town. I didn't get anyone else who was so close to me.

We go through the process, we start talking over instant messenger. Turns out she's the very same girl.

Joy!

We go to a church thing and talk. I'm so happy. I learn that she has a kid. Okay, this doesn't exactly jive with her moral life I thought she had.

I do some soul searching. Seriously consider if I could go with someone who has a kid... and what that all means. I think it through and decide I can be with her.

I talk with her, assuming that we are to start a relationship. It turns out that we can't be together, she doesn't "feel" for me in this way. What the Hell!

The kid is Hispanic, the guy I saw her with at the restaurant is Hispanic.

Oh, he's also a Deadbeat Bastard.

More experiences like this, and I'll just become bitter myself. I don't believe in fate, people "meant" to be together... but all these circumstances makes me at least a little curious... seems pushing us together... and she just made bad choices.

Ah, that story has been sitting in my head for a while. Sorry about the rambling, but I needed to express this frustrating story...

****End Story Time****

[quote="Zara"]
I've got hobbies and interests but they're just things to pass the time mostly, it's nothing that women are interested in(for the most part). quote]

Don't sell yourself short on this one. I've found that any strong interests and hobbies u can talk in lengths about is great conversation fodder. No matter how geeky or unpopular u think they are. Just give it a try.

Oh I also wanted to say, before I got side-tracked by that story, that I have the same romantic ideas as you Zara.

I desire love, not sex. And I believe it's even more painful to be rejected when this... almost deeper desire that goes into your soul, not your loins... is not satisfied.

I've been like that Pugly.
There are plenty of women who I find physically attractive but by itself its not enough to get me to make a move. I have to find out more about them somehow to kind of know if it is safe for be go further. I like to say it takes me a while to warm up to anyone before I can take a chance on them.
Of course by then they're looking at someone else or gone. Those windows of opportunity are indeed too small.

I still desire sex like any male but there are ways to fulfill that on one's own. The actual love and feeling close to another is something that can't be fulfilled alone though. It's that desire for companionship that eats at me from time to time.
As an aspie I like my alone time sometimes, but I know well enough that being alone all the time isn't good for me. I know it's a far fetched thought at the moment, but I would be quite afraid of life if my parents were die suddenly on me and then I'd be truly alone. Thinking about a situation like that coming makes it feel important to find someone... but I continuously feel stuck and in a rut. I don't like the idea of me living by myself into old age.

I would have to agree with this... as strange as this whole thing is, that need for the soulmate (so to speak) is still there... something that just about everyone else on this planet had abandoned, or so I thought... Nowadays, the average NT woman believes that a man will only ask her out for sex. Well that is just simply not true, and there's no way to say "I dont just want you for sex" in today's culture that doesn't get interpreted by the woman as "I just want you for sex". That is the one thing about my dating woes that I blame on the woman.

I've thought that this strikes at the heart of the Jerk/Nice guy debate. Women have accepted the sexual advances of men (not overt... but the aggressive, controlling overtones of the advances) as what they should be attracted to. Which is what is attractive... in a sexual sense.

In the standard dating game, it's all sexual in nature. But if they consider for a change, what they want in a relationship... a real genuine loving relationship... well I don't think any of the Jerk qualities stand up.

I know myself, I can be assertive and controlling... but it's not something I try to do all the time. In the bedroom... uh yes I plan to be... but the world is not a bedroom.

As you can tell, I am very old fashioned in regards to this. But in that mindset is where the nice guys shine.

Never give up hope Zara an pugly I didn't go out ever with friends, parties, talk to girls it was pure chance a Spanish girl moved into the shared house I was living in at the time a 1 room bedsit with shared kitchen .
We became friends an after a few months was my first ever girlfriend I was age 26 eleven years later we are still together she is my soul mate would be lost without her it was like God answered my prays so you never know what the future may bring I feel for you both an hope you find your soul mate soon .

Last edited by WildMonkey on 28 Sep 2007, 8:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

There's 2 possibilities :

1- you'll be a single forever and die alone

2- you might find a girl by coincidence and die with a family.


Either case, you ll die ...so just focus on yourself and on your career and forget love . If you ll find it then it's great ....if you won't then it's ok .

i agree. everyones on deathrow.

I just can't stand the thought of living life completely alone... Perhaps a life with few friends and that special someone (whoever she may be out there), interacting with the public only so far as to survive (go to the store for food, etc)... but completely alone? I once had to spend a whole weekend alone at my house. This was before I could drive, so I couldn't go anywhere. Granted, I got by playing video games the whole weekend, but what would happen once those wore out? Aspies DO need social interaction, they just need [meaningful interaction, not mindless drivel that NT's seem to derive sustenance from...

Many of us do need social interaction, but with like minds. Me, too.

Wow a whole weekend I'm not been funny ToadofSteel but thats nothing I once spent almost two years not talking to anyone that is if you don't count grunts an alone all that time in my 1 room bedsit.
Yes mindless drivel of NT's drive me insane just want to scream at them to SHUT UP.

Worked in a factory for 5 months temp job what was I thinking surrounded by hundreds of mindless morons the noise of those NT's almost killed me.

Why not? There are plenty of people who manage to do this and still lead happy and productive lives.

True, but that doesn't necessarily mean that everyone can do it. I know that I can't.

Largely, it's one strange desire.

For me, I have a desire to really delve into someone. To really understand them completely and fully. To experience a level of closeness with someone, that hasn't existed in my life.

It's easy enough for me to be alone. But consistently there is always these thoughts in the back of my mind, pushing me to really be there with someone.

The push isn't largely sexual. Which is probably what makes finding relationships so difficult for me.