What do women really think of autistic men?

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Hello, my name is Brian. I am 38 and from West Virginia.

Perhaps the biggest struggle I have had with my autism is feeling very isolated and alone a great deal of the time. I have a hard time connecting with people on typical things. I do not have an interest in sports, in politics, in movies, in history, in money, in status, in celebrities, in games, in competition or anything like that at all.

One common thing I am interested in those is a romantic relationship with a partner. I am heterosexual. Alas I have still never been in a relationship or anything close. Women do not seem to have much interest in men like me. I guess my question for thew women on this board is what do women really think of autistic men?

I get that we are a bit different. But I would think that there are lots of women who want to date men like me. But I never seem to find them online. Thank you so very much in advance.

People are afraid of things that they do not understand. I think the same goes for women and their choices around dating, autistic men throw up a huge question mark, so they instinctively avoid us. It's the whole uncanny valley thing.

I'm in no way speaking for women. This is just my opinion based on observation and a general understanding of phycology.

Any female members want to weigh in on this?

IMHO, many of us ASDers find results only with professional match makers. courtesy of google-

there are specialized matchmakers and services for autistic adults, offering tailored support beyond typical dating apps, including personalized coaching, neurodiversity-affirming platforms (like Hiki, Mattr), and inclusive dating sites (like ASDating, Safe Soulmates) designed for genuine connections, acknowledging unique social needs. These services often provide social skills training, guided matching, and safe spaces for neurodivergent individuals to find friendships and relationships.
Specialized Matchmakers & Services
Harrington Matchmaking: Offers tailored packages for neurodivergent adults (autism, ADHD, IDD) with personalized matchmaking.
Jill Sheber's Matchmaking: Connects socially challenged individuals, including those on the spectrum, with coaching on social cues and conversation.
Safe Soulmates: A membership-based organization for adults with additional needs (autism, learning disabilities) to form friendships and romance.
Dating Apps & Platforms for Neurodivergent Individuals
Hiki & Mattr: Apps specifically for the autism, ADHD, and neurodivergent community, featuring prompts, mental health check-ins, and supportive environments.
ASDating.org & Disability Match: Sites focused on connecting people with autism and disabilities for friendship or dating.
Coaching & Skill-Building Programs
PEERS® Programs: Offers courses and bootcamps to teach social skills for dating and relationships for adults with autism.
Relationship Coaches: Provide individualized support to learn relationship skills, tailored to personal needs.
These resources aim to create more accessible and understanding environments than mainstream platforms, focusing on genuine connection and safety for autistic adults.

I went to a gig yesterday where, as usual, there were no unpartnered women of a suitable age group.

Since there was no chance of romance I unmasked (turned on my harmless beacon) and started tagging the pretty young things with small peacock feathers.
With the beacon on it's pretty obvious I'm seen as safe and I can get away with stuff NTs are to embarrassed to do.
It has side effects though
On an empty station platform old ladies will sit next to me.
Strange kids treat me like an ambulant set of monkey bars. But the only real downside (apart from increasing my probability of getting picked on) is...
**Shudders**
One is excluded from romantic consideration.
It's like a little brother/grandson switch.

But I know where the off position is

So how does one begin offering suggestions to a stranger,especially about this : have been engaged 2x married,and widowed , yes am older . And almost never ever look into Love and dating here . Or dating services or match making
but at one point had gotten so abused by NT males. Had quit on men or possibly some had aspie traits that were not appealing to me ? But was not sorting them . Then one time at a coffee shop someone offered kindness completely out of the blue. , a outing that did not require a commitment. And free to just leave if I felt like it . But I did request to use my own car to meet him at the meeting
Seems the ones I have been attracted to ,and stayed with have all been Aspies . Most women, whom can discern qualities in men, have their own combination of traits they maybe attracted to ? More adult thinking women, that are looking for long term mates , may not be looking for same qualities as others . Think possibly longer term mates, might be looking with a pragmatic eye for the long term .( but I am a old school type) .Someone looking to get into someones pants . Maybe less attractive,to me, then someone ,who is well groomed ,and leaves notes and the occassional flower/ flowers, on certain dates ? Remember to smile . A practiced genuine smile,goes farther than a contrived one.But peoples grandmothers might tell their children, look for earning potential . Will they be able to be supportive, if things get off track in life.not just words. More modern women/ girls. Maybe more self supportive, that could be a real issue .For a Female . Equal partners ? How do you present ? in public . Do you offer kindness , if the Female does not appreciate that, might take notice? . btw often a kind female may consider it a plus if they get to teach you. (about sex type stuff). Always smart if that ever goes there, Have that condom in your wallet.,Incase your Dad did not tell you. And most of all be nice and considerate if a female allows to touch her , be interested.Listen!..btw often after you spend time around someone , You can decide if Good manners are appropriate. But hec maybe am just outdated in my own ideas.
Some women want to feeel wanted ,and feel that they look nice .best wishes to you. And always there are many fish in the sea, Sometimes things just take longer to get the best one. (Written as a IMHO contribution)

I'm not sure I should give my honest opinion as a female here, as some might take it the wrong way. My opinions do not apply to the whole male autistic community.

Well, some autistic people need to stim openly, especially in public, like hand-flapping and rocking, which draws unwanted attention and can makes us women feel embarrassed (if we're NTs or aren't the sort of autistic women to stim really, at least not visibly). Or some autistic people can be prone to angry meltdowns, which women can find a bit unpredictable, and the vulnerable anxiety some autistic men can feel that leads to the meltdowns can make the woman feel like she has to look after him. And some autistic men want a girlfriend but are then clueless of what to do once they're in a relationship. Some autistic men seem to only want a girlfriend to be able to say "hey, look, I'm in a relationship like everyone else!" and they may become obsessed until the novelty wears off, then go back to playing their video games or whatever their focused interest is, but still want the girlfriend there for when she's needed when the guy feels like being touched.
And some autistic men are nerdy and eccentric, which a lot of women don't always like.

That sort of thing. I apologise for being a bit too stereotypical in my description but like I said already this doesn't apply to all autistic men, but these stereotypes are kinda renowned in a lot of autistic men with both high and low-functioning levels.

If I was going to date an autistic man, I prefer one who has the broader phenotype, the complex type of autism that isn't that obvious and doesn't really involve rigid stimming or sensory meltdowns, etc. The type where they have a career and a car, and are well-respected by other people (have a social circle), are maybe goofy and have a sense of humour but don't have childish decorations around their place like Spongebob bedsheets, and don't wear the same two different clothes day in day out that are oversized and have no style.

Obviously autistic men like I first described in my post aren't undateable, as anyone is worthy of love, but it maybe requires a special type of girl to fall in love with them, if they're patient enough to take on the guy's autistic ways, maybe they have autism themselves that affect their functioning.

My husband is an NT introvert, which suits me, as a sort of shy-extrovert ADHD woman with quite a "colourful" personality.

I don't know. Then people wonder why many say that the dating game is easier for autistic women than it is for autistic men. It might be to do with many of these stereotypical autistic traits are cuter when presented in girls than it is for guys. If I was a guy but had the same erratic and emotionally sensitive personality, I might not be married or have had relationships.

But I'm just answering this thread, please don't kill me..

^What you describe (hand-flapping, rocking, angry meltdowns, lack of hygiene etc) are traits that can turn people off or make make them embarrassed regardless of sex. I think part of the reason autistic men find it harder to score dates than autistic women is that autistic men are more seldom preyed on by abusive romantic partners. I read that 9 out of 10 autistic women have been victimes of sexual violence.

Well, what interests do you have, outside of finding a relationship...it won't do very well if you have no hobbies or interests. There are plenty of women who don't like sports or care about celebrities.

As for movies what exactly do you mean like you don't like any movies/shows/documentaries, or specifically dislike movies but will watch shows? Just may be hard to find someone who doesn't like any movies or shows. Lots of people enjoy sitting down and watching something with their partner. Me and my boyfriend are picky about what we watch(he's more picky) so yeah, I watch some stuff alone or if he's doing something else but it's nice we have some shows/movies we're both interested in.

If your only interest is the person you're dating or would like to date, that can be too much and make you seem too clingy, which isn't particularly attractive.

This thread is about autistic men.