Well I Told Her About My Tic...

Post Reply New Topic

...and did so knowing it would either make the relationship stronger or bring it to a swift end. For better or for worse I felt I had to tell her one way or another at one time or another. I revealed it all to her after we came back from an outdoor concert one evening. We had a good time there and then and the feelings were all high-spirited on both sides. I told her about it as described in this thread:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... ic&t=40480

What if I hadn't told her? Either way her family and friends would have noticed my strange ways and questioned her about it. I cannot tell you how many relationships I've had ruined by a third party brainwashing whomever I'm dating at the time into thinking I was The Elephant Man or something, and making her feel like there was a stigma to dating a guy who is a little odd. And that is coming from the dark days before the name and nature of AS became known to me.

I'm sorry to tell you this but history appears to have repeated itself in this case. From that point on she became elusive, hard to get, and then ended the relationship by stinging me with a nasty e-mail, the contents of which -along with the accusations -I could neither comprehend nor get into describing on this post. In a red-necked mining town such as where I live, it should come as no surprise.

I spotted her in the pub last night just as I was about to order my first club soda. Instead, I turned, passed her within an arm's reach without batting an eyelash her way, and left the scene. I wasn't up to having her smear my name all over the place while I was in there. I have no room in my life for somebody like that anyway.

It seems to me I gave the relationship a chance in the best way I could and in the best way I knew. She had made it clear to me she didn't want to be hurt and I respected that. I had been honest and respectful but on the plus side I found out about her true integrity.

Ignorance remains bliss among much of society despite this Age of Information, a Discussion Board such as WP, and all the info available out there about AS. In too many people's eyes we still are horrible monsters to be rid of.

hisshh silence!! now some lecturer women here would blame you instead and would tell you that there's some unsexy in you that you have to move ur ass and fix/change it!

The least she could have done was to come and tell me face to face or even a phone call -anything like: "I'm sorry sweetie, this isn't working out."

That way I would have had the chance to thank her for her honesty and end the relationship on a better note.

Dumping by e-mail is an underhanded and cowardly way to do it. Besides, I don't care for hypocrites anyway.

And yes, LPP, there are issues on the personal level and I claim their ownership.

Oh... Ladies,

Tell me anything you want to tell me here.

Make me aware of it and I'll work on straightening things out -on the personal level

Why is it cowardly to do something so important in a format that gives a person time to think about what they want, phrase it the way they want, and be firm and unemotional about it? Guys seem to operate under the assumption that the dumping might have been averted if they'd been able to "have their say." I doubt this is the case.

Moving on. From the outside, the loss of this girl doesn't seem much to mourn. Doesn't seem like you had much in common, beyond being in the same bar?

True. But one wants the chance.

Yeah. I know that it isn't a logical need and I really have no right to criticize.

Yes, we were two divorcees that met in an unlikely place in an unlikely way. We did fill a need for each other during the brief time we did date, I welcomed the sharing of the experience and I'm sure she did too.

Although the attraction wasn't that strong, I had it in mind to give the relationship a chance and get to know her as the person she is, thinking maybe it could develop -it was a chance I took.

I knew the signs that it wasn't going to survive beyond that mini-honeymoon phase. I would have preferred to talk it over in a matter of fact way knowing we could unanimously agree its ending. I'm just a little saddened that it had to end that way.

Oh well...

This is a very difficult one!

I wonder if you didn't dump too much on her all at once and hence her knee-jerk reaction. How long have you been dating? 2 weeks? 2 months? I would suggest that if you are with a neuro-typical girl and that she seems worth your time that you at least her to get know you over a decent length of time. I mean a minimum of a year but possibly even two years before laying out the AS in it's entirety. This way when she finds out that there is a name for why you are interesting/odd it won't be as overwhelming or offensive, because, she ALREADY knows you. Thereby anxiety on her part is kept to a minimum.

Recently some of my long time buddies found out about my AS and I told some too. Their reaction was not one of shock, more of a AH yes I knew you were always the quiet one and you don't like blondes much I am slowly working on telling them more bits and pieces as I go on and I know that they are my true friends because they have stuck around. I don't think it is wise to barrage anyone with something as complex as ASD all in one hit. Hell I was overwhelmed when I first figured it out!

I don't think it's very productive to pin someone down after knowing them for only a short time and saying "Ok now listen to this and if you don't you are worthless!" People can't help the way they react and it is biologically hardwired to be fearful of the unknown.

In saying all of that, I suggest making sure that the person is one you strongly feel would be worth keeping around in the long term before investing the effort it takes to bring them round to your page.