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am i horrible?

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bluegirl
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02 Apr 2006, 12:32 pm

hi, i'm new here. i've got a problem regarding seeing someone romantically.
i met this guy a couple months back, he's AS and i'm pretty certain i am.
anyway, i really do like him and we get on really well, but he is very geeky and yesterday when i was with him i got very embarressed.
All my life, i've not fitted in but i've tried very hard to and not to appear abnormal to other people. Is it really shallow that i'm a bit embarressed to be seen with this guy? I just think people see him as being strange- thus that reflects on me.



TigerFire
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02 Apr 2006, 12:50 pm

No no I don't think this is being strange. I think embarrestment is probably one way of showing the other person that you like him. I don't know where I came up with that but if you ignore this person's geekyness do you like this person's personality? Do you like the way this person acts around you? I know how you mean by not fitting in because I've not fit in before and if you've been not fitting in for a long time and want to fit back in the other people think that nothing has changed. Do you really like this person? I mean really like him? I've had many failed attemps in starting relationships and once one get started I think I have a way in trying to push it. The girl that I have a relationship with get's scared away from me and I end up with a great heart ache.
Well I hope this relationship will last. Stay strong don't rush things.


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larsenjw92286
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02 Apr 2006, 1:03 pm

No! You're not horrible!

It's just that if you exhibit traits that make you seem horrible, that's a problem.

You should always like someone as a person until they really start bothering you.


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moomin
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02 Apr 2006, 1:07 pm

well at least you're being to yourself. See what happens i guess. if he's that lovely it won't matter what other people think.



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02 Apr 2006, 2:20 pm

Well the other day my aspie partner and myself were in a store when I noted this horrible smell. The store clerk was standing close by but I didn't see that she was nearby. I asked my aspie partner, "What is that horrible smell?" He honestly and bluntly replied, "I farted." Then I noticed the store clerk standing near us. The store clerk looked disgusted. I left my partner in the store and walked away in a big huff. I was embarrassed by his behavior and gave him hell afterward. He claims he did not see the store clerk there before he answered me. Afterward I just didn't care, it doesn't seem that big a deal. Maybe I should be more disturbed by his behavior but somehow at the end of the day it doesn't seem all that big an issue.



Keeno
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02 Apr 2006, 3:16 pm

What counts is that he likes you, and you like him.

Don't ever say you are horrible. I've never met you but I am sure you aren't horrible, I'm guessing you are lovely.



jman
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02 Apr 2006, 5:13 pm

anandamide wrote:
Well the other day my aspie partner and myself were in a store when I noted this horrible smell. The store clerk was standing close by but I didn't see that she was nearby. I asked my aspie partner, "What is that horrible smell?" He honestly and bluntly replied, "I farted." Then I noticed the store clerk standing near us. The store clerk looked disgusted. I left my partner in the store and walked away in a big huff. I was embarrassed by his behavior and gave him hell afterward. He claims he did not see the store clerk there before he answered me. Afterward I just didn't care, it doesn't seem that big a deal. Maybe I should be more disturbed by his behavior but somehow at the end of the day it doesn't seem all that big an issue.


You NTs are so picky and intolerant sometimes, you need to get over yourselves. 8)



ELLCIM
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02 Apr 2006, 5:51 pm

jman wrote:
You NTs are so picky and intolerant sometimes, you need to get over yourselves. 8)


I'm not NT, but I would never have done that in a grocery store.



jman
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02 Apr 2006, 6:02 pm

Ellcim I was just saying that I hate when NT parents and spouses expect perfection from their spouses/children. Even if it's something ill mannered like farting in the middle of a store.



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02 Apr 2006, 6:27 pm

If I needed to fart, I would do - but in as quiet a way as possible, so as not to inconveniene others.



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02 Apr 2006, 6:52 pm

jman wrote:
anandamide wrote:
Well the other day my aspie partner and myself were in a store when I noted this horrible smell. The store clerk was standing close by but I didn't see that she was nearby. I asked my aspie partner, "What is that horrible smell?" He honestly and bluntly replied, "I farted." Then I noticed the store clerk standing near us. The store clerk looked disgusted. I left my partner in the store and walked away in a big huff. I was embarrassed by his behavior and gave him hell afterward. He claims he did not see the store clerk there before he answered me. Afterward I just didn't care, it doesn't seem that big a deal. Maybe I should be more disturbed by his behavior but somehow at the end of the day it doesn't seem all that big an issue.


You NTs are so picky and intolerant sometimes, you need to get over yourselves. 8)


I'm not NT and I wouldn't do that, nor would i want anyone i'm with to do that.

bluegirl - If you're unhappy to be seen in public with this guy, you don't like him as much as you think. If you did, it wouldn't matter, thats just the way it works, love is blind.

I'd re-think if you really want to be with him.



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02 Apr 2006, 7:11 pm

Bluegirl, I've had that in the past myself whether it was guys, girls, or whoever I've hung with. What it is I think is just a gut-level awareness, an awareness that certain things just ask to be looked down on in this world (or at least deep down your mind puts two and two together quick on seeking it in behaviors), but you can't really call yourself shallow because at the same time there is some degree of truth to the way your seeing things and again, its not something your consciously deciding to feel ahead of time. For me I had that critical side to such a degree in the past, to some degree still do, that I just couldn't be at peace whatsoever unless I was really sure that I was *not* giving the person next to me that feeling - that was a major factor in my past for doing every last thing I could to beat out my aspie behaviors and meet what NT's asked of eachother in terms of respectable behavior and presentation, some people are lucky enough to be blind to that whereas me it just hasn't been the case.


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02 Apr 2006, 8:51 pm

jman wrote:
Ellcim I was just saying that I hate when NT parents and spouses expect perfection from their spouses/children. Even if it's something ill mannered like farting in the middle of a store.


Parents shouldn't expect perfection? Then they're not parents. This is exactly why parenting has gone down the toilet over the past decade or so and we have kids out of control everywhere. Instead of actually parenting, adults are trying to be their kid's friend and nothing else. My parents, both NTs, had high expectations of me, and I turned out fine as public manners go. I respect them for that.

Parents should have greater patience with a child with AS, but they have to have expectations from a young age so that the child has a hope of learning what is and isn't appropriate before it is too late.



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02 Apr 2006, 9:12 pm

jman wrote:
anandamide wrote:
Well the other day my aspie partner and myself were in a store when I noted this horrible smell. The store clerk was standing close by but I didn't see that she was nearby. I asked my aspie partner, "What is that horrible smell?" He honestly and bluntly replied, "I farted." Then I noticed the store clerk standing near us. The store clerk looked disgusted. I left my partner in the store and walked away in a big huff. I was embarrassed by his behavior and gave him hell afterward. He claims he did not see the store clerk there before he answered me. Afterward I just didn't care, it doesn't seem that big a deal. Maybe I should be more disturbed by his behavior but somehow at the end of the day it doesn't seem all that big an issue.


You NTs are so picky and intolerant sometimes, you need to get over yourselves. 8)


But I'm not NT. Both my partner and myself are diagnosed with Asperger's. He's a very loving person but he does have some behavioral problems. My point was that even though a person might do embarrassing things if most of their behavior is loving and kind then it seems reasonable to overlook a few flaws or eccentricities. I don't think he will do it again. I think he has learned his lesson now.

When I was telling him off I asked him if he thought it was alright to fart in public. He said he thought it was good to fart in public. I asked him why and he said, "It's good because God's chosen people will all be rejected in the final days."



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02 Apr 2006, 10:17 pm

8O I don't follow.

Anyway if I have to fart I try to maneuver away from large crowds.


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anandamide
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02 Apr 2006, 10:59 pm

He was being facetious. Sometimes my aspie partner does embarrassing things in public and then he's flippant and rude about it rather than apologetic. Maybe it's because he can't help but be socially ackward and sometimes uses this facetious attitude to cope with his social gaffs.