What to do when...

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Okay, I'm a Math tutor.

And I frequently tutor women, because women can't do math...
(I don't mean it, just a joke)

When I tutor I'm fairly casual. And whenever I explain something in particular way, and they really get it... I notice changes.

They move closer. It's happened more than a couple times, but I really don't know how to react after this.

I just continue like I normally do, and just hope I don't fumble for words.

I think there is something I could do to... express more interest. But I don't really know what it is...

Any advice?

Are you doing this professionally, or is it just some woman that you knew who asked for help?

If it's the former, you probably have no choice but to maintain distance (or else go the way of Bill Clinton). If it's the latter, then I can't help you. I've been in similar situations before, where I helped these three women pass a computer animation class they were forced to take (although in retrospect they were complete attention whores and not really suitable for relationship). They did, however, end up resorting to hitting on me to help them out, which was quite fascinating to say the least. Similar stuff happened in biology class too...

All i can say is this: Make sure she is your type, and she isn't just ingratiating herself to you because you happen to be imparting knowledge. The stuff I mentioned earlier only lasted when I was actually giving them knowledge. When that class ended, they wouldn't even get off two words to me.

I would really really recommend you keep these relationships purely ''professional''. I don't think there's any way that anyone could express interest in that situations and not loose their dignity. Its not worth it.

Well it is professionally. I work for the school in the tutoring center.

Students just drop in though, it's not like they are actually paying me. I don't think I have to worry about it. The tutoring center is sorta like a hang-out place for the school's nerds.

I've seen some women do some other things too.

One asked me if I like the show numbers, since I like math...

One sorta blushed and laughed when I explained something and she really got it. She's really attractive though... either out of my league or unavailable.
She has come in twice though, and when I explain stuff she really gets it. I am actually quite happy about this, I usually am not this casual and competent around someone so attractive.

It may be nothing though, just a first step in them saying... that they accept me. But I mean... a guy has to start somewhere...

It's an interesting situation.
I think that this is all a subconscious
reaction, due to holding someone in
esteem. I've noticed it, as well.

Doesn't mean you can't capitalize on
it though, by talking to them outside of
the bounds of your tutoring. Then, if it's
more than I suspect, it should show elsewhere.

As to asking questions about personal stuff,
people just seem to do that. Like, a connection
comes into their head, and rather than filter it,
and try and determine if they should say it, they
blurt it out.

Mistake number one. Do your views of yourself matter? Sure, I don't know how many times I've read or heard that confidence is somehow easy to recognize. (Whether or not I can do that, I'm not all that sure...but that is neither here nor there.)

At the same time, when it comes to someone being interested in you, they get to decide whether or not they are out of your league. They could even think the opposite, that you're out of their league. (Have had a little experience with that, tried to explain they were wrong, but they wouldn't listen to it. That goes back to what I'm trying to say here. It does happen.)

If you don't know whether or not she was unavailable, don't be so quick to assume that she's off the market. She may be, but don't give up on things until you are sure of that.

I understand the feeling. Usually I'm pretty good at fumbling around with words and interacting with people. If I'm explaining something to someone that they are trying to understand and that I already understand, it is somehow different. The second that's over, back to business as usual...

It could be a sign of appreciation. It could be more. Don't set yourself up for a fall by reading too much into such things, but don't write them off entirely and potentially miss out on something.

It's hard to say. She obviously respects my intelligence, and I am not out of her league on that level. To elaborate further, it isn't specifically everything physical... it's more like she's wearing clothes and glasses that are almost glamorous, a part of a lifestyle that I know nothing about. If that makes any sense...



Yeah pretty much, either I make jokes that they don't understand. Or I elaborate philosophically on something that they like... which for some reason never makes for great conversation.



That's the tricky part. Either I read too much, or I don't notice anything. There is no in between...

It does. I think. Well...maybe. She just seems like she's part of a completely different world? I'm having to guess a bit, don't know if I exactly understand what you're getting at here.

You aren't the only one. Often when I'm giving input, I'm merely regurgitating something that I've already tried to tell myself. I'm not always that good at taking my own advice.

Yeah basically. She looks out of place with all of the frumpy looking college students. Like she's a professional Lawyer already...

Of course I look a bit out of place myself. I either wear a short sleeve solid color button shirt, tucked in, pencil's in pocket... or a Hawaiian shirt throughout the year.

If she stops in again, I'm going to strike up a conversation outside of the math.

Well if it's not busy, have to be professional about this.

That's all I wore towards the end of high school. It was required to keep shirts tucked in, but I left it out. When questioned, I explained that that style of shirt wasn't meant to be tucked in...and the teachers bought it. They weren't happy about it, but it was a convenient way to bend the rules.

Sounds like you're better off than you may think. That sort of thing usually felt like an impossibility to me.

Professional doesn't have to be formal or stiff. You can stay professional and keep it relaxed. As for what that means, you'd be a better judge of that situation than I would.

Cool. I've been wearing Hawaiian shirts for a long time... since High School too. I think I started the trend.

Fact: In Hawaii the Hawaiian shirt is considered a formal piece of clothing. It has more subdued colors and worn tucked in.





If I just saw her walking down the street, I wouldn't be able to say anything. But she's already talking with me... and obviously likes me on some level. I actually used some creative explainations when teaching her something... visual aids. I've actually talked with her very easily which is surprising.




Nah, what I mean is if other student's come in I have to help them to. I help people for drop in math help, I still have a job to do. Though perhaps I could encourage her to sign up for me by appointment...

Pugly , please stop taking every single physical reaction as a sign of interest ....because it's probably not the case

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 28 Sep 2007, 6:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Well I'd rather assume this than the converse... that gets me no where...

And it's slightly positive responses, something I've never exactly experienced before.

In addition, I'm exuding many of the qualities that you find necessary in attraction when tutoring. All this Alpha Male stuff... I've thought about it... I could write you a list.

Last edited by Pugly on 28 Sep 2007, 6:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe your voice is low and they came closer to hear you better

or

maybe they want to see the book better

or

maybe it's just an inexplicable unconscious reaction that means nothing.

Moving closer to me is only one sign. It's also in how they react to my teaching...

I don't know, I could be making all this up. But it's improved as I gained confidence in tutoring.

Ok ...if you insist then make a move .

Move to her closer or whisper her or even ask her out .



Let me know when you ruin your tutoring future then .