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Pugly
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28 Oct 2007, 5:53 pm

Anyone's attempts at finding women help their friends and not yourself? This just happened to me...very very frustrating.

Yesterday was my cousin's wedding and reception, in which I was a groomsman and fill in best man sometimes.

I wanted to use the opportunity to break out of my shell a bit, and approach some women... and maybe get a date or something out of it.

I was slightly more casual and funny around the women there. I made jokes, and at the urging of my friend gave my coat to a bridesmaid who was cold. We talked a bit during dinner.

But the one I had my eye on was the Maid of Honor, we shared an equally awkward wedding party slow dance (I really don't know what I am doing). But she was nice to me, and strangely "introduced" me to her parents during the dance.

She is very nice, and slightly quirky... and seemed very lonely there actually. She just sat and talked with her parents for the most part.

Well I went out and danced sort of crazy, but got the appreciation of others on the dance floor. I wanted to approach her, and get her dancing and see if I could strike a conversation or something afterwards. Well I did, I asked her to dance... and she accepted.

We shared some more awkward silly dancing, but after that song she was gone. Later I watched as she grew attached to one of my friends. I talked with her a bit too, but she really was attracted to my friend.

Bah, so frustrating. I get up the courage to ask her to dance, and she ends up with my friend. My friend is a great guy, and they really hit it off. So in a way I'm happy if they can be together, but on the other side extremely frustrated.

Actually the whole night was filled with my friends, who normally aren't successful with women... actually attracting, talking, dancing and finding women. Except for me.

I had a good time... but it seems the closer I get to actually finding someone, the more painful it gets.

I'm starting to think that I should just ask my friends to play match maker for me.

Oh well, I'm ready to start asking people at my university out on dates. There is one who works with me tutoring, who I have great conversations with that I think may like me. She's just an extremely friendly person though, so it's hard to tell. No sense in not asking though... as is well known that gets me nowhere.


_________________
Wonder what it feels like to be in love?
How would you describe it, like a push or shove?
Guess I could pretend that this is all I need
Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.


Last edited by Pugly on 28 Oct 2007, 7:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Zsazsa
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28 Oct 2007, 6:06 pm

Why not ask someone you see and like on campus to go somewhere for coffee? It doesn't have to start out as a "date."
Most relationships start out simply as casual friends.



Pugly
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28 Oct 2007, 6:17 pm

Zsazsa wrote:
Why not ask someone you see and like on campus to go somewhere for coffee? It doesn't have to start out as a "date."
Most relationships start out simply as casual friends.


I'm just not comfortable asking any one out, even casual friendships or whatever. Even guys, this touches on a larger issue I have. I make many acquaintances and many people genuinely like me, and would call me a friend on jobs at school... wherever. But I never make the jump to do things with them outside of these environments.

Asking "let's go get some lunch." alone isn't considered a date? Just what is a date then?

I guess the distinction isn't that important...


_________________
Wonder what it feels like to be in love?
How would you describe it, like a push or shove?
Guess I could pretend that this is all I need
Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.


pbcoll
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28 Oct 2007, 6:22 pm

Pugly wrote:
Zsazsa wrote:
Why not ask someone you see and like on campus to go somewhere for coffee? It doesn't have to start out as a "date."
Most relationships start out simply as casual friends.


I'm just not comfortable asking any one out, even casual friendships or whatever. Even guys, this touches on a larger issue I have. I make many acquaintances and many people genuinely like me, and would call me a friend on jobs at school... wherever. But I never make the jump to do things with them outside of these environments.


i'm the same



Space
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28 Oct 2007, 6:44 pm

Pugly wrote:
Anyone's attempts at finding women help their friends and not yourself? This just happened to me...very very frustrating.

Yesterday was my cousin's wedding and reception, in which I was a groomsman and fill in best man sometimes.

I wanted to use the opportunity to break out of my shell a bit, and approach some women... and maybe get a date or something out of it.

I was slightly more casual and funny around the women there. I made jokes, and at the urging of my friend gave my coat to a bridesmaid who was cold. We talked a bit during dinner.

But the one I had my eye on was the Maid of Honor, we shared an equally awkward wedding party slow dance (I really don't know what I am doing). But she was nice to me, and strangely "introduced" me to her parents during the dance.

She is very nice, and slightly quirky... and seemed very lonely there actually. She just sat and talked with her parents for the most part.

Well I went out and danced sort of crazy, but got the appreciation of others on the dance floor. I wanted to approach her, and get her dancing and see if I could strike a conversation or something afterwards. Well I did, I asked her to dance... and she accepted.

We shared some more awkward silly dancing, but after that song she was gone. Later I watched as she grew attached to one of my friends. I talked with her a bit too, but she really was attracted to my friend.

Bah, so frustrating. I get up the courage to ask her to dance, and she ends up with my friend. My friend is a great guy, and they really hit it off. So in a way I'm happy if they can be together, but on the other side extremely frustrated.

Actually the whole night was filled with my friends, who normally aren't successful with women... actually attracting, talking, dancing and finding women. Except for me.

I had a good time... but at the same time became extremely frustrated. It seems the closer I get to actually finding someone, the more painful it gets.

I'm starting to think that I should just ask my friends to play match maker for me.

Oh well, I'm ready to start asking people at my university out on dates. There is one who works with me tutoring, who I have great conversations with that I think may like me. She's just an extremely friendly person though, so it's hard to tell. No sense in not asking though... as is well known that gets me nowhere.

People tell me you can't just "ask" girls out on dates anymore. You have to know them for quite a while, then meet them outside of school (by "accident"), and then communicate/e-mail/use MSN etc, repeat a few times, then eventually you can ask them out. I know, it makes no sense at all, this is just what I have been told by NT friends.



Space
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28 Oct 2007, 6:48 pm

pbcoll wrote:
Pugly wrote:
Zsazsa wrote:
Why not ask someone you see and like on campus to go somewhere for coffee? It doesn't have to start out as a "date."
Most relationships start out simply as casual friends.


I'm just not comfortable asking any one out, even casual friendships or whatever. Even guys, this touches on a larger issue I have. I make many acquaintances and many people genuinely like me, and would call me a friend on jobs at school... wherever. But I never make the jump to do things with them outside of these environments.


i'm the same

+1
We are honestly just f****d. We can't do it the way everyone else does. It just doesn't work for us. That's why everyone here has basically the exact same problems with women, gets the same advice, and usually the same results.

I guess the trick for us is to somehow find a girlfriend while skipping all these strange socialized mating rituals that everyone seems to understand but us. This is the only answer I can see, as it seems just too frustrating and futile to try and do it the "NT" way. You get discouraged trying to figure it out after a few years, I think there must be a better way.



Ragtime
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28 Oct 2007, 6:59 pm

That sucks.



Pugly
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28 Oct 2007, 8:19 pm

Space wrote:
+1
We are honestly just f****. We can't do it the way everyone else does. It just doesn't work for us. That's why everyone here has basically the exact same problems with women, gets the same advice, and usually the same results.

I guess the trick for us is to somehow find a girlfriend while skipping all these strange socialized mating rituals that everyone seems to understand but us. This is the only answer I can see, as it seems just too frustrating and futile to try and do it the "NT" way. You get discouraged trying to figure it out after a few years, I think there must be a better way.


I'm honestly not that pessimistic. In fact the more I actually try to interact and attract women the better I am getting.

It's almost to the point where I don't even feel like someone with AS. Just a unique person who hasn't had much experience or guidance growing up.

I'm confident that I have much to offer in a relationship. Anyone I am attracted to is going to be fairly unconventional, so the way I act and not playing the social NT game isn't of much concern to me.

Heck, I am not even trying to hook up. I don't want to have sex until marriage, that alone makes me very unconventional... but I believe it makes me unconventional in the best way possible.


_________________
Wonder what it feels like to be in love?
How would you describe it, like a push or shove?
Guess I could pretend that this is all I need
Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.