This might be a complicated issue, so I will hopefully try to develop what I mean as I move along...
I'm in an absolutely wonderful relationship with an NT. She asked me out because she absolutely loved my personality, and couldn't get enough of my awesomely weird laugh. She treats me very well, and she tells me that I treat her well too. We are very honest towards each other, and the only relationship issues we've had with each other stem around what she eats (I'm not kidding you). She understands me too, having worked with individuals who have had more intense autism than I.
My problem is that for the majority of my life, I have been the one to have a crush and attempt (but fail) at making a move towards someone. Usually my feelings towards another have been towards obsession. Not here. In fact, the feelings I have here are much lessened. I don't have the so-called butterfly feeling within me, but rather a deep feeling of appreciation, and a form of love which I describe more as appreciatory as well. But even that doesn't feel like much. It seems as if I need to feel like I'm on one end (obsessive) or the other (apathetic). I can't find middle ground, and it just seems so gray. How are your experiences with this? I've considered just becoming apathetic altogether and not even considering how I feel, but I'm not too sure.
The other issue I have is that I like to quantify things. For example, my girlfriend is good at an x number of things, and has done an x number of other things in her life, therefore she is a good quantified girlfriend. I understand that this concept is completely wrong, and comparing in a relationship is something that you definitely do not do, but I do it anyway. Why? Because it makes me feel safe. I could use the qualitative method, but that just seems so fluffy, I don't know where to grasp. It's so gray that way as well. How are your experiences with this?
And finally, I am stressed. This quarter has not been particularly friendly to me, and it feels like I don't have enough of a spot in my heart for my girlfriend. Is that normal? Am I lying to myself? This relationship seems too great and too supportive for me to let go.
Anyhow, I hope this is clear enough. Like I said, I will try to develop my question as I go along. I really thank you for answering this question if you can.
>> And this is a picture of us: http://photos-055.ll.facebook.com/photo ... 7_1383.jpg
12 Nov 2007, 8:56 pm
