Dating someone more experienced

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I'm guessing it's common for Aspies to have first boyfriends/girlfriends who are more experienced than them, since a lot of us start dating at a later age...

So I'm just wondering if anyone has any stories to share about dating somebody more experienced. How confident were you? Any embarrassing moments?

I'm 20 years old but have never had a real boyfriend. But a guy just asked me out, and so I guess my time has come, LOL. I feel comfortable talking to him, etc. I'm just nervous because he's had a few girlfriends in his lifetime, while I have never even had my first kiss...

Any stories or advice? Mostly I'd just like to know I'm not alone in this, haha.

I started dating my ex-husband when I was 21. He'd slept with a few girls before and although I'd had boyfriends since I was 16, he was the first guy I'd ever really done anything with (aside from kissing and some heavy make out sessions). I was pretty nervous but I talked to him about it and pretty much let him take the lead. The important thing was that I trusted him enough to do that - things didn't start progressing physically until about three months into the relationship.

It's good you feel comfortable talking to him. Have you told him that you don't have any experience with dating? If you don't feel comfortable telling him that yet, it's ok. Just make sure you take things as slowly as you need to; there's no time-line you need to follow with all the physical stuff.

Only one piece of advice: be honest with him. If he's not going to take things at the pace you're comfortable with, dislikes your lack of experience, or won't listen to your wants and needs, he's not worth having. If he does listen and takes account of you, then great, and any mistakes you make are things he'll be happy to help you work through anyway.

You sound just like me! I'm 20 and have never had a boyfriend or a first kiss either. I worry about the same thing, when I do start dating I'm assuming it's going to be with someone more experienced than me(because it's impossible to be less experienced). Good luck!

I guess it's a common trait among aspies. I'm 19 (20 in january) and the only time that *could* be qualified as me having a girlfriend lasted all of three seconds, and even then I only consider it a technicality.

I don't think it's based on experience though, I think it's based on the fact that most aspies see relationships differently than most NT's. For NT's, a relationship is a means to an end, with the goal being personal gain (whether in material wealth, status, sex, or in some cases progeny.) For aspies, a relationship is mostly about a spiritual connection reinforced by common interest in any given activities.

This statement is largely a generalization; I'm not saying that NT's are not capable of displaying a genuine affection for another being, or that there's no such thing as an aspie manipulator. I'm just saying that much of the time, the above guidelines are true.

Of all the many grossly offensive, ignorant, and categorically untrue things I have read about NTs on Wrong Planet, this is amongst the worst. All I can do is advise anyone reading it to ignore it completely. It is wrong. Flat out wrong.

Then explain to me why 90% of nt's I've met are just plain manipulative and their only interactions are to exploit me for their gain (mostly in the form of making me "do well" on their exams)

Excellent advice. If he's worth having, he'll appreciate your honesty and let you take the time you need.

I'm 23 and the contrast of experience levels I'm going to have to deal with now is rather appalling. I get a little shock every time I read about a past interest of mine from high school is now married or has kids, when I haven't even been on my first date yet.

It doesn't help either that the only opportunities available through work or in my meetup groups are women around 30.

The worst part is that so many women are taken too. And they only become single when they break up their relationship for a new one (so they are never single, basically). Apparently it gets much worse when you are older too.

This is my experience, too. It's been literally years since I met a woman who was both single and wanted to date (not just date me, date anyone). This is one of the factors that convinces me that I'll always be single. I'm not getting any younger, and all the women out there seem to be taken.

I have my first real GF in all my 25 years now. She is quite experienced, hell even has a 2 year old daughter. Things were going good for a while, but I feel she thinks I should put a move on her or something, ill admit, i dont know what im doin, and always hoped she would take charge, but it has not happened, ever since its been harder to talk to her, i fear it may be over, but if thats how she saw me, that because if I dont put a move on her then im not worth having, then I guess no problem, i want to be loved and love back, not be thought of as someone who at a certain time should put the moves on them

I could be right, i could be wrong, its the impression I currently get, maby im reading her wrong, very possible... I am having a very hard time and wish I could date someone who has just as little experience as I do.

Unfortunately for me, I've always been a "fall back" guy, and both gf's I've had so far didn't really want me, and that's why my longest relationsip has lasted 8 days.

Mind you, I am only 18 and there's plenty more years to come, but I feel as if there will never be anyone for me, and that hurts. At 18, it's not good. I mean so far, it's been the girls that have asked me out so far, such has been my lack of confidence in life.

That's true. It's what I always tell myself, but it doesn't help calm my nerves... But he's taking it slow himself as far as I can tell, so that's good. No pressure yet, I'm just thinking ahead...I like to plan, LOL.

Redders, I know how you feel. It took me a while to gain confidence in this area, and I'm still unsure of myself (hence the thread, haha). But hey, at least we're not the only ones, and Eire too! We can still make it.

You can't count? Your perspective is skewed? (The bad people tend to be way more visible than the reasonable ones, and almost everyone focusses on the negatives over positives.) You are extremely unlucky (in a world of 6.6 billion people, someone's got to get that unlucky)? You're misinterpreting the motives of NTs (not uncommon amongst aspies, it's hardly our strong suit)? Your aspie-related social difficulties mean you've not got many genuine friends, and the few unpleasant people there are realised you're easy to exploit and so you attracted them? Those are a few sample reasons I can think of. I can't say why that's your impression, but given how low my opinion of humanity was at your age, I'm guessing it's mostly a combination of options 1 and 2.
However, even a cursory examination of psychology books, self-help books and agony columns, even historical or mainstream fiction, should disavow you of the notion that people purely out to exploit others (let's call that by its name: sociopathic) are approximately 90% of everyone. The highest estimates I've seen for sociopathy are only pegged at about 10% of the population - the likelihood of your number being accurate is vanishingly small.

That isn't necessarily a bad thing though as some older women are still very young at heart.