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A question from a friend

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Jono
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12 Dec 2010, 8:55 am

An on-line friend of mine (who is also a former WP member) asked me to post this on his behalf since he can no longer post on Wrongplanet. The following is the post he wanted me to make:

Quote:
I have a weird question , there's that girl that I really really like and I quickly clicked with her , but we aren't officially a couple (that's problem one) . However she's taking salsa courses (which is not a problem) and she's going to Salsa nights at least once in week (bit of jealousy, but that's not the main problem, I can live with it).

We were talking the other day and she told me " well , we are obviously 90% compatible intellectually, but we have to see about the other aspects" (good sign...no bad sign! no both signs ...no , f*** total confusion!).....


I have a feeling in my gut that tells me that a big part of this "other aspects " is dancing. (now ,this is a problem!)

I ....hate dancing .... I don't have the talent, I can't feel the beat flowing into my body , I tried it many times yet I am a hopeless case, I am like a knob when it comes to dancing. I told her about that.


So what should I do ? Taking salsa course? That would be so fake doing something that I don't enjoy just for the sake of someone else.....

Or

Just let it go and rely on luck and hope that she'll accept me as a non-dancer?

Note: special hi to emilon ;)


NB : He specifically asked me not to post his username. So if any of you want to ask or you think you know who he was, please PM me instead of posting it here. This thread is for addressing his question.



Wombat
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12 Dec 2010, 9:07 am

A good friend when I was young had a girlfriend.

She was into ballroom dancing and had a "partner" that she danced with.
She assured my friend that the other guy was just a "dance partner" and there was nothing romantic.

Well, you know how that turned out.



Harpist
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12 Dec 2010, 9:58 am

Wombat wrote:
A good friend when I was young had a girlfriend.

She was into ballroom dancing and had a "partner" that she danced with.
She assured my friend that the other guy was just a "dance partner" and there was nothing romantic.

Well, you know how that turned out.


That's not the case with all dance couples though. My latin and ballroom partner, who works really well with me, has a boyfriend and she couldn't be less interested in me.



Lene
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12 Dec 2010, 10:52 am

Quote:
I have a weird question , there's that girl that I really really like and I quickly clicked with her , but we aren't officially a couple (that's problem one) . However she's taking salsa courses (which is not a problem) and she's going to Salsa nights at least once in week (bit of jealousy, but that's not the main problem, I can live with it).

We were talking the other day and she told me " well , we are obviously 90% compatible intellectually, but we have to see about the other aspects" (good sign...no bad sign! no both signs ...no , f*** total confusion!).....


I have a feeling in my gut that tells me that a big part of this "other aspects " is dancing. (now ,this is a problem!)


I doubt it. I think you're confusing your jealousy over her salsa partner with what she actually said. If you're already 'intellectually' compatible, then the rest is probably something vague like 'chemistry'. That's the stuff that you can't really tell if you have before you go on a date.

So ask her out.

Quote:
Just let it go and rely on luck and hope that she'll accept me as a non-dancer?


Pretty much. Having identical hobbies is not a requirement for most couples; hell, I couldn't give two hoots over some of my bf's. But what does matter is supporting their right to pursue their own interests. If you start getting jealous and insecure over her dancing, especially with no good reason, then you're going to kill a relationship before it even gets started. You need to trust her not to cheat; otherwise, why bother dating her?



kruger4
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12 Dec 2010, 11:12 am

The obvious course here is asking her out. It's already pretty obvious she's into him, he just needs to make a move. The fact that he can't dance shouldn't be a problem.



ediself
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12 Dec 2010, 1:04 pm

Quote:
We were talking the other day and she told me " well , we are obviously 90% compatible intellectually, but we have to see about the other aspects" (good sign...no bad sign! no both signs ...no , f*** total confusion!).....


I have a feeling in my gut that tells me that a big part of this "other aspects " is dancing. (now ,this is a problem!)



she means sex, dummy :D


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Jono
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12 Dec 2010, 2:24 pm

8O Wow, it looks he finally got himself a girlfriend. In all the time he was a member of Wrongplanet, he was single. Congratulations! Now ask her out already, ok. I know you're reading this. Good luck!



Moog
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12 Dec 2010, 3:48 pm

I can't guess who this is.


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Jono
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12 Dec 2010, 4:15 pm

Moog wrote:
I can't guess who this is.


I've sent you a PM telling you the identity of this person. He asked me specifically not to post his username.



Grisha
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12 Dec 2010, 4:28 pm

I can totally relate to what he's saying. Why is everyone so into dancing?

I consider dancing to be the ultimate expression of "body language" meaning my "Groove Thang" was damaged irreparably at birth due to my AS.

My heart sinks whenever I see "dancing" in a dating profile because it is such a potential deal-breaker.

It would be really cool if she were talking about sex though 8) :wink:

Good luck!



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12 Dec 2010, 11:27 pm

Grisha wrote:
I can totally relate to what he's saying. Why is everyone so into dancing?

I consider dancing to be the ultimate expression of "body language" meaning my "Groove Thang" was damaged irreparably at birth due to my AS.

My heart sinks whenever I see "dancing" in a dating profile because it is such a potential deal-breaker.

It would be really cool if she were talking about sex though 8) :wink:

Good luck!


I wish there were more women out there that weren't into dancing... it seems like it's so common among women that getting around it is unavoidable. By the same token, however, it also seems like what most women refer to as "dancing" is little more than an unchoreographed bump and grind... which doesn't really work for me because I'm such a perfectionist that if I'm not doing it right, I must be failing really hard...



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12 Dec 2010, 11:29 pm

so many want people to change for them and accept all their interests, but refuse to partake in any of theirs



ToadOfSteel
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12 Dec 2010, 11:32 pm

Not really... I just want someone I already have a lot in common with right off the bat so that we can share more together. I'm not asking anyone to take up anything I'm into unless they're into it as well already...



Kilroy
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12 Dec 2010, 11:43 pm

well sometimes that doesn't go like that
often times interests spring up and 2 people can share them later on

slight example-my friend hated my dolls when we first met, now she has one of her own
people take up new interests, and get bored of things
you have to factor that in



ToadOfSteel
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12 Dec 2010, 11:51 pm

Kilroy wrote:
well sometimes that doesn't go like that
often times interests spring up and 2 people can share them later on

slight example-my friend hated my dolls when we first met, now she has one of her own
people take up new interests, and get bored of things
you have to factor that in


And that's not to say I'm not averse to never taking up anything that a potential partner is into either. I'm just not taking up dancing because I tried it and I suck at it... even with multiple rehearsals. And since I feel like a failure if I'm not doing it right, I'd rather not do it at all... On the other hand, if someone was into something like mountain hiking, I could get into that... just as an example.