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Skyling
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22 Jan 2008, 5:35 pm

I am dating a man with AS, and I have just recently gotten involved. I too have AS, but my blunt nature has made it easy for me to befriend and date guys as I please. I want to have a serious relationship with this guy, and he has not had a girlfriend in about 7-8 years.

He shows much interest but he has yet to make any moves, and he is bad at flirting (he'd make an off the wall statement one day, I'd confront him and he'd rather guiltily admit that that's his way of flirting), so would it be cool if I just made the moves insted of doing that subtle crap that everyone keeps saying is so special?

I'd like to know what to expect?



Io
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22 Jan 2008, 6:04 pm

Did he tell you that he has AS, or are you just guessing that?

Speaking from my own experience, he's probably just unsure about how to "approach" (I hate this term for some reason). Just bring up the subject indirectly, like joke about "so why haven't you asked me out yet?" or something. It would work best if you did this right after one of his awkward flirting attempts that you mention, so you're not just bringing it up out of nowhere. He should summon the courage eventually, but since we Aspies tend to overthink everything it's best not to leave any room for doubt he may have (for fear of rejection).

I know I don't speak for every guy, and this doesn't jibe with the so-called "enlightened" perspective of gender that is so common today, but even though I have my own trouble asking girls out I still feel weird about girls asking guys on dates. Feel free to encourage him to death, though. :wink:



Skyling
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22 Jan 2008, 6:10 pm

Actually he told me he has AS (and I saw the documents that proove it). He has indirectly acknowledged that he'd like to date me. He had told a friend that he was bringing his "girlfriend" over, and then he asked me if I wanted to go to his friend's house XD

I'm just a bit worried that he may not like me or something. The signs are all there, but I've never been much in the way of taking hints.



Io
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22 Jan 2008, 6:26 pm

Does he know that you have AS?



Skyling
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22 Jan 2008, 6:47 pm

I've told him, so I'm sure he knows.



Io
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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22 Jan 2008, 7:01 pm

Okay. I understand about the trouble taking hints, believe me.. but, even if he ends up "not liking you" it's not the end of the world. You'll have to give him the opportunity to make that choice or otherwise you will have to live the rest of your life wondering "what if I tried?" That second one is a lot worse. So really you're just gonna have to bite the bullet here.

For what it's worth, all the facts you've given us so far indicate that he currently likes you.



Skyling
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22 Jan 2008, 7:14 pm

I suppose, but if this didn't work all I would have to blame is my own fear.



ToadOfSteel
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22 Jan 2008, 9:48 pm

One advantage of both of you being aspies is that feelings can continue to grow among most aspies, so even if, somehow, you can't get a relationship going, you haven't ruled out that possibility in the future...