Prove that I am not a player type?? I have aspergers??

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Aspie_Chav
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27 Jan 2008, 1:07 pm

Prove that I am not a player.
I went to one of the Speeddater events. Somehow I was quite hopeful that I would find someone. I also thought that it would be safe to drink a little.

I did get talking with someone, she seemed attracted to me. However when I started talking with her, she thought that I was a player type, ladies man, someone who says the same thing to all the ladies. She said she don’t like or trust those types.

Funny, I am as much a ladies man as puff daddy cool. Strange thing here is I don’t think she would be attracted to me unless she thought that I at least had the ability to be a player. I had to convince her that I was not that type. That was strange, most of the time, many are convinced I am virgin.



Tim_Tex
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27 Jan 2008, 1:14 pm

What exactly is involved with speed dating? How does it work?


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Aspie_Chav
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27 Jan 2008, 1:25 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
What exactly is involved with speed dating? How does it work?


Speed dating you have 3 minutes to speak to a girl. After that time you move to a different table.

In mean to be a successful way of meeting someone. Probably more successful then online dating because you get to meat them face to face.

The event I went on was basically a singles key and lock event with several speed dating events of anyone wanted to participate. Because I was busy talking to the girl, I didn't get do the speeddating that night



0_equals_true
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27 Jan 2008, 1:32 pm

I don't really know what to say. :? Not really sure how she came up with that conclusion. Were you being yourself?

I wouldn't say you are a player, but talking to you at meets talked about how you were a shifty shopper, know how to get a get a good bargain such as the shoes you were wearing. Maybe she saw you as a sort of Del boy character



Aspie_Chav
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27 Jan 2008, 1:54 pm

I no longer believe in the romantic idea that one will be loved for just being themselves. So I probably wasn’t being myself much. I have made big effort in last month to control my image with intense focus. I try to make myself consciously aware as much as possible. For me it is a big project. I believe that being a resourceful aspie, I will find a way.

I believe that eventually I will be able to give that impression but do not believe I have done it yet.



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27 Jan 2008, 4:07 pm

Here's how I look at it:
By talking to you, she's made the necessary emotional connection.
By raising the issue, she come back with the intellectual objection. That's actually an invitation to establish an intellectual connection as well.

Adjust the wording to suit who you are:
"Of course your concern is valid. This is something I have found necessary for establishing and maintaining an emotional connection."

From there, you can get into a conversation about why it's useful or necessary, and how it works over the long term. It won't always work, but if it does, you've got a solid basis for a long term relationship.



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27 Jan 2008, 6:46 pm

People with AS tend to read into things too much. The point is, she is talking to you, acting interested, and acknowledging that she thinks you have some status and success with women. Women say all kinds of things, I try and not read into it to much, and instead focus on the overall progression of the conversation, and body language & intonation, etc. If she likes you and the body language and vocal tones are there, you could be talking about craft dinner and she would still want you. -my 2cents



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27 Jan 2008, 8:35 pm

She may have been asking for reassurance that you were interested in something unique about her. When I've been single, there's little that turns me off faster than realizing that the guy paying attention to me is the type who pays attention to every woman, hoping to get a bite somewhere. Is it possible that you were just saying too many "general" types of comments/compliments instead of focusing on finding out more about the things she said about herself?


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pakled
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27 Jan 2008, 10:02 pm

I always thought of speed dating as packing the rejections from 6 months of first dates into a single night...;) It's a wonder they don't have suicide watches outside...;)



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28 Jan 2008, 9:51 am

gwenevyn wrote:
She may have been asking for reassurance that you were interested in something unique about her. When I've been single, there's little that turns me off faster than realizing that the guy paying attention to me is the type who pays attention to every woman, hoping to get a bite somewhere. Is it possible that you were just saying too many "general" types of comments/compliments instead of focusing on finding out more about the things she said about herself?


I understand what you mean. It happened to one of my exes. There was a guy who was moving from one girl to another, in quick succession, until someone would dance with him.

I did point out something special about her on the night. I said, She done the best job in the world, or at least the most interesting, or useful. Being a schoolteacher for young children.

As for her body language, even when I was talking with her, it would be hard to get wrong :D. Later on in the evening, it would be total impossible, aspie or not . I am going out with her on Friday to the cinema. I wonder what she will think of me when I am sober.



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28 Jan 2008, 4:51 pm

That's good! She probably has been messed with by some so called 'players', so is naturally cautious.



IsotropicManifold
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30 Jan 2008, 1:36 am

Aspie_Chav wrote:
Prove that I am not a player.
I went to one of the Speeddater events. Somehow I was quite hopeful that I would find someone. I also thought that it would be safe to drink a little.

I did get talking with someone, she seemed attracted to me. However when I started talking with her, she thought that I was a player type, ladies man, someone who says the same thing to all the ladies. She said she don’t like or trust those types.

Funny, I am as much a ladies man as puff daddy cool. Strange thing here is I don’t think she would be attracted to me unless she thought that I at least had the ability to be a player. I had to convince her that I was not that type. That was strange, most of the time, many are convinced I am virgin.


I have gotten this before. Its called wanting to cut the crap and talk what you are interested in straight away. unfortunately comes across as "heres my c
BS line" probably because your life actually is amazing.

her loss.



LePetitPrince
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30 Jan 2008, 4:08 pm

Quote:
I no longer believe in the romantic idea that one will be loved for just being themselves.


Congrats , you are through the first stages toward Realistic Bitterness's Condition AKA LePetitPrince's Syndrome :lol: .

After few months or couple of years , you ll have more and more realistic view on life and as consequence you'll become "bitter" just like me. =)



Aspie_Chav
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03 Feb 2008, 8:14 am

It is easier to come to this conclusion when you come to realise NTs advice is unscientific nor logical. "The just be yourself", is often a very crude bit of advice.

The underlying logic of most advice is, if it works for the majority of (NT) people( say 90%) then this advice must work for everyone no exception.



Sedaka
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03 Feb 2008, 10:36 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
What exactly is involved with speed dating? How does it work?

go watch 40 yrold virgin..... they take him to a speed dating thing. (where they sit @ tables with a bunch of diff chicks)


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