I think alot a whooole lot...

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KingofKaboom
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09 Mar 2008, 10:59 pm

I was thinking about talking to a girl I like I mentioned her in my last thread as the little red head :)
I wondered suppose that I get her to talk to me and invite her to lunch I can't go the cafeteria b/c I got badly sick last time and I was going to take her to BK should I offer to pay or not. What would we talk about? Should I ask for her number after lunch? If she has a class should I ask her to arrange a lunch when were both free? Oh and the last girl I asked to lunch liked me but turned me down b/c she had plans with a friend I assumed she was just being nice apparently not and well that is a really long sordid story in its own and I'm still dealing with that maybe in another post I'll discuss it but anyway any helpful advice?? Also I can work up the nerve now but it's spring break and that asking is a week away from now any ideas on how to keep my nerve instead of just watching her walk by again w/o speaking up?? Needless to say I'll be obsessed with the whole thing until it's over or I chicken out again a week from now....


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Complex
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10 Mar 2008, 5:26 pm

If I were you, I would just focus on talking to her a number of times and getting comfortable with her before asking her to lunch. Don't get ahead of yourself, one step at a time. If she were to ask you out to lunch however I would go!



KingofKaboom
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10 Mar 2008, 5:58 pm

Well see last semester a girl that had liked me for two semesters went with me and one of her friends who was trying to help us hook up and after we hung out she asked me to walk her to her car which she needed to lock but I didn't ask for her number or flirt or anything so the next day she thought I didn't like her :( that story goes on for a while longer and ends kinda sad although I'm still dealing with feelings for her and don't know how to get rid of them especially since I see her and her friends from time to time. It's not that I can't see these things I've just been a recluse for so long that I don't even know what to look for and miss it. But they all seem to think I know what I'm doing I don't know why.

I don't seem to act soon enough on anything they do so I miss out...


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NeantHumain
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10 Mar 2008, 6:14 pm

If you're going to take a girl somewhere, even if it's just to get to know her and not a date, don't take her to Burger King or any other fast-food restaurant. Try a coffee shop, ice cream parlor, book store, library, or even a bar (depending on your personality, style, and preferences).



KingofKaboom
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10 Mar 2008, 6:37 pm

Well we do have a math class and I'm bad at math but how would I ask her to do that, besides the BK is right next to the school and everyone goes there or to the strip mall or pizza hut or something its a college town and everything is near by.


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10 Mar 2008, 8:39 pm

NeantHumain wrote:
If you're going to take a girl somewhere, even if it's just to get to know her and not a date, don't take her to Burger King or any other fast-food restaurant. Try a coffee shop, ice cream parlor, book store, library, or even a bar (depending on your personality, style, and preferences).


Ditto what this poster said. Take her someplace a little more upscale than BK. The coffee shop at Barnes & Nobles or Borders or whatever bookstore you have would be perfect.
In regard to your previous comment. If you're anything like me, you probably dress decently and aren't bad looking (although I wouldn't call myself handsome), so girls assume you're an NT. After they get to know you, they sense that you hesitate and that you're not like a lot of guys, so they either:
1. Assume you're not interested in them or
2. Conclude that you're just "off" somehow
It's important to try and emulate NTs in these type of situations. First, don't hesitate to ask the girl you're interested in a question that you would ask anyone else "what time is it" "is our assignment due today" etc. The important thing is to just break the ice, let her know that you're OK to approach. Once you do that, the burden of conversation is on them at least as much as you. You see where it goes from there.



KingofKaboom
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10 Mar 2008, 10:32 pm

The only book store is about an hour away and I have very sensitive tastes in what I eat and drink so coffee and booze are out and as for upscale I live in a fast food haven I don't go out at all so I don't know of any upscale places at all I mean I just go to BK and Walmart then my dorm thats it. I have a car but what kind of place should I look for to take girls I mean everything here is small business MS, backwater crap holes that I wouldn't ever go to myself.... I don't even know local hang outs b/c I don't do that. How upscale should I look for???


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11 Mar 2008, 9:03 am

It doesn't have to be too upscale, just not fast food or Walmart. Deli, ice cream parlor, coffee shop (they serve drinks other than coffee too), student union if your school has one.
You need to talk to this girl before you worry about lunch or drinks though. Dating is a lot like driving, if you go too fast you stand out in a negative way and if you go too slow you stand out in a negative way as well.



KingofKaboom
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11 Mar 2008, 10:44 am

Well thats my biggest problem I can't move at the right speed. Like now I'm pretty sure this girls liked me since the beginning of the semester b/c of various things but I don't move and by the time I do it's too late or they want me to move straight to hanging out or something I haven't hung out since elementary school...


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Complex
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11 Mar 2008, 12:05 pm

Well, you have to start somewhere. The first thing to do is get out of park. The next time she looks at you, just say "hi" and see what happens. If you're hunch is right and she does like you, then you have to let her know that you're OK to talk to, that you're approachable. Most people don't want to talk to people who don't want to talk to them. Do something. It doesn't have to be major, just let her know you're friendly.



ToadOfSteel
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11 Mar 2008, 1:21 pm

Thanks for just reminding me of that travesty of a sitcom "Friends", and their opening theme where they say "It's like I'm always stuck in second gear"...



the_incident
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11 Mar 2008, 4:37 pm

Complex wrote:
Well, you have to start somewhere. The first thing to do is get out of park. The next time she looks at you, just say "hi" and see what happens. If you're hunch is right and she does like you, then you have to let her know that you're OK to talk to, that you're approachable. Most people don't want to talk to people who don't want to talk to them. Do something. It doesn't have to be major, just let her know you're friendly.


Excellent advice.

Also, as has been mentioned, don't try to accomplish too much in one day, you know? Just start out small before you ask her to marry you!

Have a couple of conversations first. Then, during a conversation with her you casually say, "Hey, you wanna walk over to _____?" The idea is not necessarily that you should go someplace like BK to eat, but that you'd like to go someplace more comfortable to sit down and talk to her. A place like a coffee shop is made for that. If you're uncomfortable talking to people, well, sorry, but that's pretty much the only way to get a girl.

Good luck, you can do it!


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