I'm incompatible with myself...

Post Reply New Topic

I've come to the realization that the two objectives I want to fulfill most in the area of love and dating are seemingly mutually exclusive...

1) I want to get a girlfriend, hopefully someone I will marry one day and have kids and be with until we die... that whole spiel...
2) I don't want to be hurt by people again...

Is there any possible way to resolve this other than drop one of the two objectives?

Admittedly I don't know that much about romance, but I think the best thing would be to try going out with new people, but just be cautious. Try dating someone without being in a serious relationship with them at first, just to see if they're right for you. Once you feel more confident that you can trust that person, then go further with the relationship if you want. As Syd wrote, it's impossible to have relationships without ever getting hurt, but it'll be worth it once you find the perfect girl for you.

The third greatest thing is to learn from your mistakes.

The second is to learn from OTHERS mistakes .

The GREATEST thing to be able to do in this life is forgive yourself.

If you don't want to be hurt, I wouldn't get into a relationship. Even the best ones go through problems some times. So just imagine what can happen in the relationships that don't work out.

But the pain is worth it, and if you can develop a bit of a skin for this sort of thing... it'll get better.

So yeah, you'll have to change your expectations. In order to be loved by people you have to risk being hurt by people.

you will always be hurt by the ones that mean the most to you...that's just the way it is. the more you care about them, the worse it will hurt. and this is not just in romantic relationships.
think of it this way...as long as you have any kind of relationship (family, friends, lovers) there will always be potential of being hurt. if you can love at any level, you will suffer hurt at these different levels. this i can guarantee you.
just don't let it stop you from being happy...and don't let it stop you from having relationships of any kind...if you let it stop you, you will miss out on the things that are far more rewarding.
but you probably know that...

you probably are not yet ready for another relationship- it takes time to recover from hurt and betrayal- Ive been on my own 5 years now and Im still not ready to put my self at risk of getting hurt. Life is long enough - there is plenty of time and Im sure when the person is right we shall not care about getting hurt by them.

Hurt is normal and hurt is good.

You need it.

Nobody is the perfect husband or the perfect wife or the perfect team.

You'll always hurt eachother.

It's how you handle that hurt that defines your relationship. That's why so many couples break up in the first 7 years of marriage - because they don't effectively find ways to minimize the hurt they do to eachother.