I wish I wasn't an optimist.

Post Reply New Topic

This thread is more of a blog post. I just want to tell someone what's going on...

My group of friends consists of pretty much an even number of males and females. They've been sort of coupling off. There's maybe ten of us who hang around together who I would consider "eligible" if I include myself. There are other members, but they're not exactly dating material just yet... There are two "official" couples... and two "unofficial" ones... that's eight people kind of coupled. Now my maths isn't great. But that leaves two, a male and a female left. Lol, me and this girl. Everyone's been talking about us, making little jokes. This girl is gorgeous, and we've been looking at each other a lot, there have been a few smiles, and laughs... but nothing that drastically indicates that she likes me. Today, she just unexpectedly talked to me in class, it was really quick but we did speak... this might sound good, but it is a bit of a problem... I've always had her classified as out of my league... except people want us to date, and I really can't tell if she has any interest in me whatsoever.

I hate myself for doing this, but I can't get her off my mind. I've been telling myself it'll never happen, but the rediculous optimist inside of me is telling me that I have a shot... despite the fact that I have no idea how to make it. In short, I'm excited, and I don't know why. I don't know at all how to talk to her, and I've been trying to be unattracted to her for months now. I know all the sings seem good, my heart is going crazy, but my brain is making things difficult. I really want to like her, but I have been disappointed so many times... I don't know how to feel about her, and I can't see it ending well.

I don't know how attractive I am, and I don't know if she just straight up hates me, or anything like that. There was another member of our group that liked her, but he was stupid enough to tell everyone, and while a great guy, he's certainly not a looker. He will never live it down, everyone's been bagging him about it for ages. And this is why I'm a little anxious about letting anyone know I like her. But I don't want to like her but I do.

Anyway, that's about it.

Well if you can't see it ending well... you aren't much of an optimist are you?

Explain me though... you want to like her and DON'T want to like her? Where does want even come into it? You either like her or you don't...
and if you DO like her, then talk to her! If she is your friend, then talk to her as a friend, find out if it could work.

and DON'T PANIC!

I don't logically see it ending well... but I know I like her. And the thing is, deep down I adore her, but I don't want to as it always ends in disappointment... maybe I should have explained that a bit better. It's a very contradictory situation, I'm the first to admit that... it's like, I'm an optimist, but I know it's stupid. I've tried just "talking" to girls before, and I just made a dick of myself. And there's been times where I've gone to school completely and utterly confident, happy and ready for whatever comes... come home and been so miserable I thought I was going to die. Whenever I'm optimistic about anything, it ends badly.

Logic has very little to do with relationships... I still say you should just try and talk to her with no agenda, see where it leads, just because something has gode wrong in the past doesn't mean it will every time you try something similar!

yeah, i agree with anders. logic and relationships dont make a good couple.

i myself tend to rather not like it rationally when i notice i like someone, just out of fear of being hurt. its a bit like being an intelligent moth - one that knows that the light could be a light bulb and burn me.
so, i wouldnt advise throwing every bit of rationality out of your head, but if you like her - heck - why not? you can go cautious steps towards her, these are still steps towards her.

all the best!

You have a shot.
Everyone has a shot if you show your best side.

This is my opinion based on my experience, it might not be entirely correct due to factors I don't know of, things i don't understand, ..
But, if you want to do it with a person you haven't selected yourself (on basis of matching, understanding and so on) you have to be ready to take this the NT-way. NT-way as in following the rules of attraction, dating and so on.

Would you be too disappointed and embarrassed to continue hanging out with your group of friends if you ask her out and she rejects you? If the rejection is going to spoil the group thing, then do not risk it. If you can live down a rejection and still be comfortable around these people, then go for it.

Sorry. I'm a mom. So, I have to say what I tell my own son all the time. Young women get asked out all the time and they mostly say 'no'. They can't accept every man who asks them out on a date because they get asked out a lot. But, eventually one really great woman will say 'yes'. It's a numbers game. Keep asking women out, until one good one says 'yes'. Do not get bitter or too sick over the ones who say 'no'. It hurts to get rejected, but you try and move on to another prospect.

iddqd, if you want to play it safe and not stick yourself - best advice I can give is when everyone couples up if your out somewhere (hypothetically lets just say Dave & Busters), they push you two off together - if you just have fun with her, stay nonchalant, but enjoy her company and just have fun; that's already a good start.

Also, if she's as attractive as you say she is and a bit reserved on showing much in the way of interest in anyone - sounds like she's a pretty high self-monitor and just like it would be a challenge for you to get over your own doubts she has a lot of inertia as well. If you guys do have fun together you have a better chance of both breaking the ice with her and having what you'd think of as 'real' dialog rather than 'we're putting up with each other via mutual friends' - you know the difference I'm sure. That and if your having fun together, the odds of hitting some odd angle and catching one of her own idiosyncrasies in a positive way is just better because you guys will be a lot more opened with and to each other if you are in that state.

Definitely don't try to pick up on her or do anything forced or direct, but do joke with her as much as you can - if you've got that guy within you at all who's on the chill side and just makes people laugh - bring him out. If she's still not reacting to you or alternately giving you a funny vibe like she thinks your trying something and she isn't digging it; you've got your answer right then and there and you know its time to step outside the group to find someone.

Grrp, thanks for the advice... I don't really know what to think about the whole thing, so I won't. I'll just see how it goes I guess...