Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners (LiveScience)

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Why Perfect Dates Make Lousy Partners

The best "catches" in dating land may be the worst choices in the long-run, new research shows.

Popular people who monitor themselves carefully in social situations and thereby appear to be the most socially appropriate are often highly sought after as romantic partners, a study finds, but these people show less satisfaction and commitment in relationships than socially-awkward people.

By self-monitoring, people assess how their actions affect others and adjust to fit the appropriateness of the situation. They screen their words and behavior to suit the people around them.

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Why, this sounds like wonderful news to me.

This is ABSOLUTELY true in my experience.

I dated a lot, back in the days when dating meant going out for dinner and/or a movie, and nothing else. The guys who were smooth and "appealing" ended up being the guys that were divorced often once they got married.

I married an engineer -- I probably don't need to give you a long list on how he was not all that socially skilled with dating. He never brought me flowers, or bought me perfume, or anything stupid like that. But he was GREAT to talk with, a great listener, and more fun than anyone I had ever known. The funny thing is, we've married over 25 years, and he is SO MUCH BETTER than any man I ever could have married. He helps out around the house (almost too much -- he's TOO good to me), he always has new and funny stories to tell me, and he is wicked smart. You don't want to get into a battle of wits with him, because he will always win. He wasn't a great father with little kids, but he's an awesome father of teenagers -- very patient. Now that we are in later life, HE'S the social butterfly, and I'm the one not wanting to go out to parties. Who would have guessed?

Kris

I consider myself lucky at least that I can break through that sort of habit when push comes to shove at least; particularly with a partner.

I had a gf that told me that I was the type of guy that "you would marry", and not the type of guy that "you would date".

But now that I look back, I see that she was type of girl that "you would date", and not the type of girl that "you would marry".

my exes tend to tell me, "i was the one."

The very reason I've NEVER been attracted to "the alpha male".

guys wanted to have kids with me.
I guess that meant marriage

Kris,

Count your blessings!!


Liberty

Interesting.
What we need to do now is get this information out to everyone that we find attractive.

Yes, start printing out pamphlets and go door to door. Give them the Aspie date sales pitch... "Lady/Dude, have we got the deal for you "

"how much would you pay for a lifetime of adorable attempts at romance? Plus the loyalty that others only dream about."

This thing practically sells itself...

The key word is 'Self Monitoring' not f**k off. You need to self monitor yourself consiously. NTs do it subconsiously.

Is this telling us that for relationships we have to be ourselves and to get on at work we have to 'play the game'?

I hope this research wasn't too expensive.

Always thought this was the case. . . for years.
. . .basically that the "game" implies a case of adverse selection for whatever matters in the long run in relationships. I hate being right; especially when it doesn't help at all. . .

Me too. All my life, I've been around Alpha Males who were popular and charming yet abusive to those closest to them. This is why I'm only attracted to mild-mannered, soft-spoken Nice Guys.