Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

nebula
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2005
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 101

04 Mar 2008, 1:23 pm

Well I have got this lady that comes around to see me very regular at the moment, almost every night. I have not really known her much really until recently as I have been going on out door walks with her and we both seem to feel good in each others company. For a while things were cool until she as started to become more physically open with me for example leaning over me with her chest up against me.

Thats the first problem, my other lady friend told me that she wanted me to take control and to make a move but I was so emotionally overpowered by the event that I did the shy thing and went motionless. I felt really pathetic after knowing that I couldn't understand the obvious and take action.

The second problem is that she is like 20 years older than me and it feels taboo and very exciting but I ponder and think over this to much. I am really scared to tell her and by not doing is leading me now to be consumed by feelings I do not know how to deal with. I also don't want to loose her and am getting panic attacks because of this.

Does anyone know how to deal with this and have you ever experienced similar. anything would really help me to cope with such feelings that are causing me much anxiety and breathlessness.



the_incident
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 110
Location: United States of America

04 Mar 2008, 1:26 pm

What would you like to happen?


_________________
I'm not autistic, although I do not consider myself neurotypical. I've been diagnosed with major depression and socially avoidant personality. Bonus: bipolar disorder.
~My soul must be iron, because my fear is naked.~


criss
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2007
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 507
Location: London

04 Mar 2008, 4:49 pm

i wish you well. However, I might suggest that your thread be named 'fear of Lust' as opposed to 'fear of love'.


_________________
www.chrisgoodchild.com

"We are here on earth for a little space to learn to bear the beams of love." (William Blake)

Thank God for science, but feed me poetry please, as I am one that desires the meal & not the menu. (My own)


Sedaka
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jul 2006
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,597
Location: In the recesses of my mind

04 Mar 2008, 5:08 pm

ask her to go for dinner instead of a walk


_________________
Neuroscience PhD student

got free science papers?

www.pubmed.gov
www.sciencedirect.com
http://highwire.stanford.edu/lists/freeart.dtl


Ouelis
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jan 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 82

04 Mar 2008, 5:49 pm

Well first of all, as asked, what do you want to happen? Do you want to pursue some kind of relationship with this woman or do you want help on how to get out of those kinds of situations?


_________________
Legalized Insanity.


Complex
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 1 Mar 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 241
Location: Detroit

04 Mar 2008, 8:20 pm

Nebula,
Most non-Aspie guys have the same feelings during their first romantic encounters, they just don't talk about it. Sexual situations are frightening until you have a few positive experiences. . It sounds to me that you want to proceed, but you're putting unrealistic expectations on yourself, which is why you're nervous. My advice is to just be honest about your feelings with your prospective partner.
I experienced exactly the same situation with my first girlfriend (I actually physically shook with nervousness the first time we made out). She was interested in me, so she hung-around through the the first few times we were intimate. After two or three encounters, my nerves sorted themselves out and I was a confident pro! Physical intimacy is so enjoyable that most don't remain nervous for long after getting a taste...