I just cant Deal

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I met someone last thurdsay, we talked it up this weekend but today she informed me that a relationship is NOT a possibility cuz she's still not over her ex-bf. I am about to go out of my f*****g MIND!! !! !! !! !! !! If this were a longterm relationship I might be suicidal or have a nervous breakdown. I feel like I just cant deal with peoples changing feelings. What I want so f*****g badly is SECURITY. To know that I dont have to worry about the other persons feelings changing spontaneously. My emotional system just CANT f*****g take it!! !! !!

Do you really think you will find security in this selish, young female who is inconsiderate of your feelings?

Yeah same here

If you really can't deal with people's changing emotions, I think you're right: you can't deal with relationships. Part of finding someone right for you is dealing with disappointments and rejections in the meanwhile. Afterward, too!

Of Course Not!

BTW gwenevyn I think you might be right. What I HATE the most about other people-especially many of the women that I personally have met is their unpredicatability. I honestly Acknowledge that NOT ALL women are this way but regretably such traits are not uncommon. I have only met ONE woman in my lifetime who was emotionally stable and secure but she is long gone. Thats another thing-I like women who are SECURE emotionally and Self-Confident. Insecure people are more likely to be unsure what they want and that is NOT the case with me.

Hey wait just a minute here people!

Some people need to recover from a break up before getting another relationship. If you can't stand that the other person needs to recover first, then find someone else! It's harder for some than others. If you really are interested in a relationship, be a friend, and forget about the dateing processes for now. Give her a shoulder to lean on, and from that you can still get to know each other. On the other hand, if it's all about you, don't bother further.

Well, at least she was honest with you. Better than to get into a relationship that she knows in her heart won't work - yet. If she's implied before that this sort of thing was on the cards then changed her mind then that sucks, and maybe she's not worthy of your time. But she sounds like she's just genuinely upset. If you do still like her in any way, and you can show you're sympathetic, I'm sure she'd be very impressed by that.

My ex was like that. She just up and changed her mind like a lightswitch. No consideration for my feelings whatsoever. No discussion about it, nothing. Then the next time I seen her, she acted like nothing ever happened. I also think she is a Narcisist. This don't really sound like the case with the person your talking about, at least she was up-front with you. She does, however, sound a little indecisive.

You make it sound like she owes you something, just because she talked to you over the span of half a week.

It does depend a lot on whether or not you or she initiated things.

Also, consider that you might have been a rebound relationship. Nasty, but very common.

If you're looking for security in this life you're not going to find it, especially in a relationship. Even people in committed relationships can and often do change their minds, cheat, fall out of love, etc. Just today it was revealed that the Governor of New York was stepping-out on his wife and frequenting prostitutes. People have relationships because most people are social by nature, not so much for security.

Maybe you are not ready for a girlfriend?

I think a lot of people look to romantic partners to serve as a parent substitute, providing unconditional love and security. In the adult world, people are unpredictable. Just recently a friend I had thought I could trust betrayed me, and this has happened many times before.

It doesn't hurt so much if you find an internal source of security.

The last sentence is certainly true, but I am Not looking for a "motherfigure". I am looking for someone who can relate to me and wants the same things out of life, and a relationship as I do. I think from now on I need to be more careful when I meet new people to avoid those who are still attached/on the rebound from a difficult break-up. I mean, if someone isnt "over" their ex and ready to move on to somebody new than I should just tell 'em to buzz off and wait until they ARE truly ready to move on.

Heh, I think if you tell her to "buzz off" there will be no point in waiting around for her to be ready.

Dinko, it may be your intense desire (or neediness) that is causing your partner to change her mind about you.