iDONTflirt

Post Reply New Topic

Just like the subject says: I do NOT flirt. Period. The reason is because when people have flirted with me and I pursue
they always back waaaay off. I foolishly thought when I was younger tha flirting is a womans way of conveying interest.....
I was wrong. Seems to me like its just a game-I have no patience for games or interest in them because such games because in the end I never win the prize. In a nutshell-flriting has never led to any kind of meaningful relationship and certain women have confided in me that they dont flirt when they're SERIOUSLY Interested in a guy. So to me its something they do to stroke their ego and so I dont want to be part of it. Now, whenever a girl flirts I basically brush her off.

When a girl flirts with me I can't resist

I think that if a girl flirts with you, they do show interest in you. That interest can grow into love.
But when a girl loves you, she might not flirt with you due to her being anxious, insecure,..
Basicly her taking it to a serious level where it hurts if you reject her flirting which makes her refrain from doing it.

From what I've read elsewhere on the forums, it's just fun generally, not meaningful. My advice would be to not be totally closed against flirting, but just don't invest emotion into it.

i think flirting has a lot to do with forms of humour which I'm no good at, like gently teasing people, making innuendos. I think other people just like doing those things regardless of whether they fancy the other person or not, although they'd hardly do it if they were repulsed by you. I see some men doing it to endear themselves to women, or even to make women relax in their company, because the women feel flattered.

In other words, I don't think anyone does it intending to mess with your head, and it would hardly cross their mind that it would mess with your head, because ninety nine out of a hundred people would grasp the intentions behind it and enjoy it for the sake of it too.

If you have a boring job, it makes the day go faster too.

Its too bad that women who actually are seriously interested would flirt with me. But I have to wonder if a woman is just "playing" with me by flirting what message does it send to her when I brush it off.

The woman would probably be annoyed that you didn't want to join in her game. She might feel hurt that you knocked her back - even if she wasn't interested in you! Because nothing is worse for the self esteem as when someone who you didn't even like that much knocks you back.

I have this problem every day - we have a lot of builders at work at the moment. I keep running away from them and trying not to talk to any of them because I know how builders like to flirt and how they think I'm a humourless b***h when I don't understand how to respond to their jokes.

In company thats worth having I just say I don't understand peoples jokes and hope people think I'm just a bit dappy.

I don't flirt either, because I always get in trouble for it.

Question: Is it true that an Aspie can't tell if someone is flirting that he/she is "for real" or "not for real?"

I flirt, but only with women that are already friends of mine... I won't walk up to some random woman...

Not only that, but the opposite is true... NT's can't tell if an aspie is for real or not...

what is flirting ?

Flirting is mostly a game which DOES NOT imply sexual interest at all.

It's a fine line to walk - and very difficult.

You can have fun with it and you can get benefits - people will often go a bit further for you, ie: give you a bigger serving of food etc...

most flirting is about eye contact and tone, hence it's more difficult for us to do it.

I know I can't. The few times I could tell for sure was when they were being a bit too forward which wasn't the most comfortable situation to say the least. I may not know how to handle simple flirting but I really don't know how to handle someone being way too forward. Talking about rl situations though. Internets does not count, as people are a bit more to the point it seems.

we're so wound up with sexual harassment training that flirting is a lost art. The training says we can't even compliment a woman on her clothing. How frustrating...

I don't know what flirting is so I can't be sure if I'm doing it or not, but the trick for me is to not TRY to flirt, but just be yourself.

So you say your goofy, awkward, etc. Well, so am I. But here's some food for thought.

What are looking to get out of flirting? This girl, right? And what are you LOOKING for in a girl? Be sure to consider everything on your list.

For me, I look for good looks, easy-going (which usually also has friendliness and a sense of humor thrown in), and the ability to be tolerant. This gives me an advantage in the case that if she backs away after a potential flirting situation, she has already fell short of my list, as she is intolerant to something so insignificant such as goofiness.

The trick for me is to just be myself. It can be hard to train your brain to think like this, but it works in the long run.

That is very annoying. I can get paranoid that the slightest, polite compliment about a girl's body/hair/anything personal will render me a pervert; but people won't like me if I don't say anything nice. If I do nouthing I won't get a girlfriend, and if I do something I might look like a pervert or get teased for fancying that person (though I guess that's more of a high school and younger thing to do). Fortunatly I'm more mature and understanding about it now, but my AS still says that it's illegal to openly love someone.

who the hell told you that? I've no problem with compliments at all, don't know any woman who would have a problem
Think the trick is to base compliments around style, ie. 'Those shoes are incredibly cool', not on body shape, 'You have really long legs'

btw I get the last one a lot, my reaction is will completely detroy any good impression that had previously been given