Physical poise...it seems I can't @#$%^&* win ><

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Alright so when I'm out and about and looking to meet people, by which I suppose I mean 'at the bar' I've run into...a catch 22 that I can't seem to shake off...

I've worked...pretty much since I hit junior hell-erm, junior HIGH to alter my body positioning, as my proprioception is very VERY poor. (there's a word for it, ain't Wikipedia just great ^_^)

I've been...an actor for so long with my body, that I guess I just have forgotten I'm doing it...I sit a certain way so I don't slouch or look slovenly. I hold my head a certain way so that my mouth doesn't hang open and so I don't absently stare at someone whom I'm not even paying an ounce of mental attention to. My hands are usually webbed together just on top of the table so that I'm not absently playing the piano or drumming my fingers, which for some reason EVERYBODY thinks means I'm impatient, or bored, or otherwise TRYING to make them mad. Or...worse...so my hands don't fall into my lap and everybody thinks I'm grabbing my genitals purposefully. I walk with a sort of...one foot directly in front of the other so that I don't drag my feet as I walk and I walk with my left hand in my pocket or around my belt loop so that it doesn't swing and make people think I'm Heiling Hitler or accidentally smack someone in the head. I put a lot of effort into this because the alternative is to...urgh...did you see the episode of South Park where Kyle's cousin comes to live with him for a while? ...well it's to be something like that. I had to change myself from an ass-picking, mouth-breathing, semi-drooling, slouching, crouching, spit-bubble-blowing, snot-wiping, nose-picking, crotch-adjusting greasy boy who rubs his back on the carpet to scratch it and scrapes the dead skin off his lips with his fingernails....and isn't even aware of it! I have no problems with any of these habits by the way, but the bloody crap world I live in sure does ><...so I thought I came up with a solution by...having my own ideosyncratic ways...which are at the very least socially acceptable (is the phrase "social hypocrasy" a common phrase on planet aspergers? because I think it SHOULD BE, dammit ><)

...and now...what's coming up is that a trusted friend of mine has told me that a few potential suitors have told him that I'm "stilted, un-natural in poise, and stiff" and it's off-putting to people....yup...all my poise and all my measured movements which have been ingrained upon me so much that they're HABIT...is putting people off ><

I can't win >< I don't know what to do or even if there's anything I CAN DO. If I relax too much, I'll DEFINITELY do something else to put people off, but if I don't relax enough...I'm over the top and people think I'm being ARROGANT...I don't have a clue what to think...

any thoughts on any of this, people?

I think exercise (if you don't do it already) might help you with this problem to a degree. Lifting weights will help your posture to look more natural and cardio will help to keep you relaxed so you don't look so stiff. It also helps burn off nervous energy. Works for me anyway.

oh, yes! Social Hypocracy is EXACTLY it!

I, too, taught my body years ago to walk and talk and not to stare off into the middle distance where someone might actually be in my line of sight ( but I am not looking! I swear!) I inter lace my hands and sit with my ankles crossed with my legs swung gracefully to the right or left. I make sure I look someone in the eyes and do that grimace thing that passes for a smile (show some TEETH! - sigh-) and 'smile with my eyes' and then look away like I was distracted and then back at them and then look down, and then back and then up and then . . . well, you get the picure.

And I am FOREVER being told to 'relax!' . . . to 'let your hair down' to 'not be so 'on' all the time' to 'RELAX, we SAID!" and what freinds I do have whisper to me that so and so thinks I am too 'stuck up' or 'stuck on myself' or even 'have a stick stuck. . .well. . .up me"

so, my well laid 'acting' gets sabotaged because I didn't learn that I had to not learn to relax, but learn how to LOOK like I am relaxing.

Because if I 'relaxed for real' I would fall into that South Park template you were talking about.

so. . let's make a list of what traits to mimic to show we are 'chillin'.

Merle

1) Kick back in a chir where gravity is perilously ignored

When you walk the direction of movement should be down. Rather than bounce up, bounce down.

It makes you look like your's stylin. So rather than roll up onto the point of your toes as you push off, give a bit of extra bend to the knees.

heh... i am a gurl and i learned to do this too... i actually learned it from a modeling tape.... but people never tell girls to relax. they just come hit on us.

Not the home run? What's wrong with kids these days?

I also put a lot of effort into physical poise. I just can't get smiling. Posture is difficult. I have heard that I appear stiff and need to loosen up, but if I do that it would only be worse.

2 words: alexander technique.


System of proper posture, which stems from support and relaxation. Google it if you like. My dad had me study it as a performer when I was a kid, I think it was very beneficial. Professors still mention it in my classes all the time. It's pretty widely known, and there is probably someone who teaches it in your area. (Bonus: very good for your health, too)

Dance is good too, especially more traditional types (for instance, hip hop often deals less with a graceful, open body stance.)