Close dancing

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I hate dancing but sometimes I feel obliged to if there's a woman who wants to. I've never "hooked up" on the dancefloor without the woman physically making me even though there have been times where I've felt this was the right thing to do. When I say hooked up I mean hold who I'm dancing with and "close dance". I have no idea how I go about this! I guess I should "go with the flow" but the flow always ends up being too weak. I've noticed that after the moment when I felt that I should have close danced is over, almost straight away the woman acts a lot colder to me. I'm not surprised. When I say I hate dancing, I mean I hate "freeform dancing" but I love close dancing. It's the best things in the world sometimes. So many missed opportunities...

'going with the flow' is kind of daft- I mean how do you know which way the flow is anyway?

maybe you ought to take up something like salsa dancing as a hobby- that requires getting up close to people and if you do it often enough then you might find you do it naturally when dancing elsewhere.

If i'm not wrong about the context, which I probably am, she is probably interpreting your actions as rejection.

I have that problem. I get dragged along to gay bars quite a lot and I have a lot of trouble figuring out when someone is "hitting on" me. Look for eye contact, >60%-70% of the time is likely, an NT who is not attracted to you will make eye contact about 33% of the time when they are talking to you. Look for a personal space closer than her usual personal space when she's talking to you (difficult if you don't know her) about 30-40cm is the norm over here for opposite sex people who aren't interested in each other, just look for things like that. If they are present and you feel you should close dance her, you probably should. If they are only somewhat present, she might still want you to, but it shouldn't be interpreted as sexual interest.

This probably seems weird, but this is what social interactions are like for me. Lots of complex calculations, knowing if I make a mistake whoever i'm with will probably not speak to me again.

~EG

Wow. Thanks for the info - this is exactly the sort of info I'm looking for. I'm going to copy and paste the info and save it as a picture and use it as a background for my desktop. My doctor says body language is a big key to use so I'm looking for something to read on that.

wow, i'm glad it was useful and I don't seem like a freak.

These things vary by country and culture of course so it might be a good idea to watch what NTs do over where you are for a bit first to get the weights right. New Zealanders have quite distant personal spaces, if you used what i've given here in say europe you'd appear cold and distant, so observation is always good.

edit: you have no idea how ironic it is that i'm talking about any of this.

~EG

When the time comes, I promise you wil not feel self-conscious or forced. When the time is right, it will not feel like a chore, weird, or awkward in any way. Slow-dancing with a woman is a wonderful, indescribable experience. It's terrifying and very soothing all at once.

I used to feel that each of these intimate-yet-chaste experiences was a real gift. I felt like if I asked her to dance and she agreed, I was being bestowed a very sweet and affectionate. favour.

Do NOT, however, make the mistake of assuming she has feelings for you simple because you danced with her. Simple things like this do not imply a relationship.

Trust me guys this will spare you a world of pain. Good luck!