Actually have a date for senior prom. Need advice.
2 days ago while on the school-sanctioned senior trip to Washington D.C. I managed to break through my irrational nervousness (with help) and asked a girl to the prom.
The problem is that my personal experience in these matters ended the instant the answer was established as "yes". While I have some fairly good advice from my older brother and my parents, as well as a few of my friends I'd like to see what other aspies could say on the matter on what I should do next (I haven't spoken to her since I asked, but plan to tonight).
Just a bit of background information:
- While the prom isn't for over a month, I am probably going to talk with her tonight (we are both involved in the school musical and tonights the first public performance). Her younger sister will also be there and I can't be sure if she's told her sister yet.
- She is a little shy (but just a little)
- I have yet to receive a negative response from people who find out that I asked. Even people who I rarely talk to a fully supporting me.
- The best way to describe our relationship based on past interactions is "acquaintances"
- Given that graduation is in just a few months, I would not be foolish enough to expect a real romantic relationship developing although I can't rule it out.
- For a variety of moral, ethical, and financial reasons I certainly am NOT looking to get laid
(so please don't post under this assumption, really!)
I was thinking the best course of action for tonight is to thank her again for accepting, explain just how difficult it was to ask the question, and give her the paperwork for prom so she can fill the necessary sections out so we can reserve a seats on the same table as her best friends (who I get along with perfectly well, so I don't mind). Would you say this is a good idea? Remember I'm not expecting anything special, I just don't want to mess things up to the point that she doesn't end up going with me.
Prof_Pretorius
Veteran
Joined: 20 Aug 2006
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,520
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
Remember to avoid eye contact, mumble a lot, and bring up odd un-related topics. Stmming is optional, but obsessive re-arrangement of objects is good.
_________________
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke
I hope, for his sake, that was a joke. (If so, then lol...)
Anyway, onto my 1/50 o a dollar...
Proms are often overrated. I didn't even go to my own prom because it's really just one of those social hierarchy things. It costs way too much money to rent the tux and get a limo and all that, especially for something that most people don't even take that seriously (well, they take the whole dressing up bit seriously, but that's about it...)
Congrats!
I'm not really experienced but I know what doesn't go down well. I wouldn't bring any paperwork unless it is really urgent. That strikes me as too formal. Instead just talk to her casually, find out more about her. Ask her where she would like to reserve seats.
I'm on the fence as if it is good idea to mention the difficulty with asking. I totally agree though, it is really difficult. You have a lot of courage. However if you overdo it she might think that it was a burden or that you are desperate/needy. Using a little pop psychology maybe think of wording that is mainly positive. E.g. "I was hoping you would say YES. I had to build up my courage but it was worth it". Then if she asks if it was difficult you could say "My heart was racing", etc.
Well I see there is a large variety of opinions here...
The main reason I want to go to prom is that I honestly don't think I'll have another chance at something like this anytime soon. Yea, I might dislike the excessive formality of some of it, but how will I know if I don't try it? I liked the one homecoming I went to well enough, even if I didn't have a date then (despite asking the very same girl I am going with to prom, 2 days before the event, needless to say she had already made plans).
I want to bring the paperwork because it needs to be completed and turned in before we can reserve seats (which I won't be able to do until Monday anyways). And while I wouldn't say it's extremely urgent, it's definitely something that should get done sooner then later, since we'll be reserving seats next to one of her friends and the last thing I need is to wait until that's impossible to do.
As far as mumbling and eye contact goes. The odd thing is that I can generally make reasonably good eye-contact in one-on-one conversation, it's just making eye-contact with a speaker while in the audience (or vise-versa) that I have trouble with sometimes. Mumbling on the other hand generally only occurs in the first line of what I say, so it's not to big of deal.
And O_equals_true is probably right when it comes to telling her everything. I think I'll still mention that I had spent the entire week looking for an opportunity to ask her, but I might leave out the fact of never being on anything that resembles a date in my life, ever. Although I think she already knows...
Well it looks like it's time for me to head off. I'll be sure to let you know how everything goes.
Well, it's done.
I wasn't able to summon up the courage to talk to her until intermission. When that started I actually followed her and her sister about halfway across the school until I managed to say anything. I did startle her (apparently she didn't notice I was there) but that was okay. While I was certainly extremely nervous (and I think she was at least a little uncomfortable herself) I was okay. I managed to stammer out a thank you and did mention that it was very difficult to ask her, but did not elaborate. Thankfully her sister already knew about everything, which made things a lot easier (it would have multiplied the awkwardness by a factor of a thousand if she hadn't).
After that I mentioned that my parents were attending the play as well and would very much like to meet her. She didn't mind, so I lead her over to where my parents were sitting and she introduced herself and her sister to my parents and they talked for a brief time before she had to go back to get things ready for second act.
Then after the play, I quickly ran backstage, startled her again, and gave her the paperwork for prom. Which I found much easier then the first time I talked to her. I then said goodbye and drove home through the worst visibility I've ever experienced (night, fog, and condensation on both the inside and outside of the windows), but I didn't mind at all.
If she's going to prom with you, I'm sure she'd hang out with you before then. So use that as an opportunity to see how she ticks.
On prom night, buy her dinner and one of those flower pin things (a corsage I think it's called?). If you don't know how to dance, try to learn a little bit beforehand
. I recommend learning the moonwalk...that'd impress any girl.
I hope your senior prom is better than mine. I went with my crappy 15 year-old girlfriend who kept leaving for 20 minutes at a time with her best friend (she ended up playing me anyway). All I did was talk to this one girl I know, eat fondue, and think about how bad the music was.
So best of luck to you!
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Why aren’t I allowed to date anyone other than my boyfriend? |
12 Jul 2026, 7:34 pm |
